If I had it in my power
I would arrange for every girl to have your charm.

When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie

When the rhumba rhythm starts to play

When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie

If I had it in my power
I would arrange for every girl to have your charm.

As far as I can remember my very first commentary about a nonsensical song,or rather a nonsensical line in it to Am I right,was Frank Sinatra's Mack the knife.Since that time my no mercy whippings of idiotic numbers for this site have been legion,but it's now interesting for me to look back and realise just what particular species of idiocy in a song first induced me to write to the website to begin with.For anyone unfamiliar with the line in question it goes like this-[If I tell you about Mack the knife babe,it's an offer you can't refuse-Guys,does that sound totally stupid or what?I guess that girl mustn't have gotten out much or something,so she has to be content with a bedtime story about this nasty Mack guy-That man Macky is back,he warns.]Frank Sinatra,and his equally famous partner in showbiz at times,Dean Martin,have surfaced several times since in my writings for the site,with silly ditties like Somethin' stupid,Kick in the head,Little old wine drinker,etc.One of Martin's most famous numbers is Everybody love's somebody,which isn't nonsensical as such,just a tad too cheerily optimistic perhaps.However,what IS nonsensical is another of his numbers,the lesser known The door is still open to my heart,which has a similar presentation.Now,there are quite a few numbers which I wont mind giving ear to because they SOUND great,but that doesn't detract from the fact that their lyrics suck.Both those attributes belong to the song in question,which first crossed my path a couple of years or so ago.It has to be said that Martin was possessed of a wonderful singing voice.What possessed him not to realise that some of his songs though were top drawer material from the filing cabinet of the stupid is another beast entirely.Here he is waxing positive and negative throughout-Downbeat-[I must confess that I cry from loneliness.The door is still open to my heart.I'm not ashamed to cry.[It's better then to hold it inside.]Wont be satisfied until you're here by my side.]-Now we pass to the upbeat-[You are to me like honey is to the bee.You're as close to me as two is to three.]-Now,you're left with certain questions here,principally this-Is the guy portrayed by Martin here in his right mind?One is left wondering if he's with this chick or without her.Like,does he know himself?To say you wont be happy until she's with you,and your heart still for sale,and then to say you and her are as close as two to three-Does that,no pun intended,add up?NO.You may have noticed that I've bracketed a line within the bracketed lines themselves of the downbeat section,and the reason is simply this-How,in the name of all sanity.can you cry your heart out,and claim that it's better THEN to hold your feelings inside.Like,you've made a total nonsense of your first statement.The entire point of an outburst of grief is expressly to get that hurt out in some way-NOT keep it locked up.He's ALREADY given vent with tears,yet maintains it's better AFTERWARDS to HOLD IT INSIDE.I've been under the impression for some time that he was singing-It's better THAN to hold it inside,but have discovered that he's singing...better THEN.[One of the most worrisome aspects of stupidity in songs is that in exploding them for what they really are you can become a tad mixed up in your analysis of them,which actually happened with me when writing a commentary on the number This old house by Shakin' Stevens.It further reinforces my point that some songs were simply born from the most convoluted mazes of stupidity imaginable.A particular line from This old house goes-This old house is gettin' old-Like,TWICE,in a six word sentence,you're told the house is old.Said OLD house would hardly be gettin' YOUNG would it?]There are quite a few examples of idiocy in Martin songs including Chapel in the moonlight,in which he's become so overawed by said chapel with it's organ,choir and so forth that he could stay forever in the event she jilts him.STUPID?I can scarcely think of something more so.

The above line,one of the most famous ever written for a song,doesn't make sense.The words-When they ask who's the fool in the corner,crying...That,ofcourse,is a question.The answer isn't really an answer at all.It is a statement-A little old wine drinker,me.-The words do not address the question.They don't reveal his name to them or reveal why he's sat in the corner crying.[Not only that but he would appear to be diving in with this silly answer because the question isn't being directed at him at all-When they ask...]That's not all.This dude is painting himself as a chronic alcoholic.[I'm praying for more rain-more grapes-more wine]Could that possibly be why his girlfriend split in the first place?Perhaps we'd best just take our leave of this sad loser,and let him make the best of that broken heart with the jukebox,his memories and his wine,not to mention his nonsensical stock answer.

These are the correct lyrics according to every lyrics site I've checked. But I've always thought that some older version of the song must have said '...here's what they sing:' instead of '...here's what they say:', since the former rhymes with 'king' while the latter does not. And after all, the words that follow are sung, not merely spoken.

Refers to Kingston, Jamaica, San Juan, Puerto Rico, and Barcelona, Spain.

Refers to the city of Houston, Texas.

This is Italian for "In the blue painted blue". And the song Volare means "To fly" in Italian.