There are a couple of ways to avoid death, one of them is to be magnificent, this is my favourite way.'

Sex and Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll

In Glasgow, a kid climbed up the toilet pipe, stuck his hand into the dressing room window and shouted 'Touch me! Touch me!' so I answered him, 'Go fuck yourself, I'm not the Pope!'

but I didn't.

So place your hard-earned peanuts in my tin
And thank the Creator you're not in the state I'm in
So long have I been languished on the shelf
I must give all proceedings to myself
- from his (BBC) banned 'Spasticus Autisticus'

I got good enough [at art] to realise I wasn't going to be very good.

I haven't shaken my fists at the moon.

I was a painter for seven years, a successful illustrator for two years and now I'm a rock 'n' roll singer. I still feel I'm doing the same thing but I'm not painting with paints

I'm charismatic and I'm not ashamed about my physical appearance, even good-looking people have got a weakness. My weakness is so obvious that there's no point in worrying about it. Luckily I'm quite interesting to look at. I know 'cos I painted myself as an art student about 500 times.

The Stax and Motown labels and Max Miller, with a lot of television thrown in. (describing his influences)

I can't stand his music. (on turning down an offer from Andrew Lloyd Webber to provide the lyrics for Cats)

A love affair with Nina in the back of my Cortina
A seasoned-up hyena couldn't have been more obscener

- Ian Dury (1942-2000)