If you missed yesterday's start of our parody of the entire musical, please enjoy it in order!
Scene 1 is here
Scene 2 is here
In our last exciting episode, yesterday's Scene 2, Ms. DoFiddle, Professor Turtle, and the AmIRighters expressed mixed feelings regarding the sometimes-positive, sometimes-frictional teaming of FG and TT. Finally, however, the Professor can take it no more, and ventilates to his friend, Colonel Nitpickering, his regret at having taken Ms. DoFiddle under his flipper.
Well, after all, Nitpickering, I'm an ordinary guy
Who desires nothing more than just to write about girls' pants
To speak of lesbians and dykes, while euphemizing terms like c***s...
An average horny guy; his fav'rite topic: quim
Who likes the single life, free from wife
Writing whatever he wants to, on a whim
Well... just an ordinary guy....
Let a woman in your write
And your obscenity is through!
No more lines about your bone
Or of pining to be blown
And what's even more appalling:
No more songs of balling --
Let a woman run your write
And she's making ev'ry call!
Sketch a song, and you will find:
Censors out that girl's behind
Loving lingerie so lacy?
Tells me, "No, that's much too racy!
"Cut it all!"
You want to write of Paris Hilton
She only wants to do MacBeth
But that is not quite up my alley
So I'm researching Mary's death
Let a woman share your song
And no more singing of your schlong
Let her make her d*mn demands:
"No more giggles at girls' glands"
I'd be equally as willing
For a waterboarded grilling
As to ever let a woman run my write
I'm a merry Turtle-man
Very erudite, my lectures
Always game to share my brain
Epitome: Turtilian kindness
Ne'er resorting to disdain
A gracious man am I, never, "the bird", he flips
The sort who always would, ever would
Share with his readers his Perfect Pacing Tips
A very mental man....
Let a gal collaborate
No penning puns about your lance!
"Your advice" she asks me, "please?"
And I share my expertise
Though she'll listen with much grace, she --
-- Turns my parodies from racy
I am a writer, crude and boorish
Who likes to make his readers blush
Forget my schwantz; she curbs my language
Writing "Love To Nail Her"? Shush!
Let a woman make the cuts
And she's cutting off your nuts
Let the others take hen-pecks
"It's not right: write rites of sex"
I would rather get all cozy
And to schtup O'Donnell, Rosie
Than to ever let a woman curb my "writes"
I'm a quiet kind of man
Who prefers to spend time hanging
At an underwater reef
Enjoying peaceful, quiet silence
And from people, a relief
Defensive man am I, of pedagogic ploys
Who likes to cogitate; strictly rate --
-- Other folks' parodies' pacing, girls and boys
Quite forgiving man....
Let a woman in your work,
And your erotica is through!
In e-mails that never end
Girlish, smarmy tripe, she'll send
Grief, imparting till I'm smarting
And to tell me, "No more farting songs for YOU!"
She wants to write of love and family
Harass your brassy sass, alas!
Post "Mari-an: Librarian"
*I* want to post 'bout piece of a*s!
Let a woman run the rite?
For a woman, be polite?
[incoherent chorus of female whining, moaning, b****ing, griping.....]
I shall never let... a woman... help... me write.
Will the Professor stick to his guns and decide to Chuck it all? See our next exciting episode, and find out!
 Mary Jo Kopechne, killed by the late U.S. Senator Edward M. Kennedy, who went unpunished and remained a Senator for the rest of his life -- another 40 years. See the links for our parodies of same, including the shameful details.