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Song Parodies -> "Let A Woman In Your Write ('My Fair Fiddlegirl', Scene 3 of 16)"

Original Song Title:

"I'm An Ordinary Man (Let A Woman In Your Life)"

Original Performer:

My Fair Lady: Lerner / Loewe

Parody Song Title:

"Let A Woman In Your Write ('My Fair Fiddlegirl', Scene 3 of 16)"

Parody Written by:

Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

If you missed yesterday's start of our parody of the entire musical, please enjoy it in order!
Scene 1 is here.
Scene 2 is here.

In our last exciting episode, yesterday's Scene 2, Ms. DoFiddle, Professor Turtle, and the AmIRighters expressed mixed feelings regarding the sometimes-positive, sometimes-frictional teaming of FG and TT. Finally, however, the Professor can take it no more, and ventilates to his friend, Colonel Nitpickering, his regret at having taken Ms. DoFiddle under his flipper.

Well, after all, Nitpickering, I'm an ordinary guy
Who desires nothing more than just to write about girls' pants
To speak of lesbians and dykes, while euphemizing terms like c***s...
An average horny guy; his fav'rite topic: quim
Who likes the single life, free from wife
Writing whatever he wants to, on a whim
Well... just an ordinary guy....

Let a woman in your write
And your obscenity is through!
No more lines about your bone
Or of pining to be blown
And what's even more appalling:
No more songs of balling --
-- Ewe!

Let a woman run your write
And she's making ev'ry call!
Sketch a song, and you will find:
Censors out that girl's behind
Loving lingerie so lacy?
Tells me, "No, that's much too racy!
"Cut it all!"

You want to write of Paris Hilton
She only wants to do MacBeth
But that is not quite up my alley
So I'm researching Mary's death! [1]

Let a woman share your song
And no more singing of your schlong
Let her make her d*mn demands:
"No more giggles at girls' glands"
I'd be equally as willing
For a waterboarded grilling
As to ever let a woman run my write

I'm a merry Turtle-man
Very erudite, my lectures
Always game to share my brain
Epitome: Turtilian kindness
Ne'er resorting to disdain
A gracious man am I, never, "the bird", he flips
The sort who always would, ever would
Share with his readers his Perfect Pacing Tips
A very mental man....

Let a gal collaborate
No penning puns about your lance!
"Your advice" she asks me, "please?"
And I share my expertise
Though she'll listen with much grace, she --
-- Turns my parodies from racy
To romance!

I am a writer, crude and boorish
Who likes to make his readers blush
Forget my schwantz; she curbs my language
Writing "Love To Nail Her"? Shush!

Let a woman make the cuts
And she's cutting off your nuts
Let the others take hen-pecks
"It's not right: write rites of sex"
I would rather get all cozy
And to schtup O'Donnell, Rosie
Than to ever let a woman curb my "writes"

I'm a quiet kind of man
Who prefers to spend time hanging
At an underwater reef
Enjoying peaceful, quiet silence
And from people, a relief
Defensive man am I, of pedagogic ploys
Who likes to cogitate; strictly rate --
-- Other folks' parodies' pacing, girls and boys
Quite forgiving man....

Let a woman in your work,
And your erotica is through!
In e-mails that never end
Girlish, smarmy tripe, she'll send
Grief, imparting till I'm smarting
And to tell me, "No more farting songs for YOU!"

She wants to write of love and family
Harass your brassy sass, alas!
Post "Mari-an: Librarian"? Brother!
*I* want to post 'bout piece of a*s!

Let a woman run the rite?
For a woman, be polite?

[incoherent chorus of female whining, moaning, b****ing, griping.....]

I shall never let... a woman... help... me write.

Will the Professor stick to his guns and decide to Chuck it all? See our next exciting episode, and find out!

[1] Mary Jo Kopechne, killed by the late U.S. Senator Edward M. Kennedy, who went unpunished and remained a Senator for the rest of his life -- another 40 years. See the links for our parodies of same, including the shameful details.

© 2009 Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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AFW - October 01, 2009 - Report this comment
This might work well as a live/animation musical movie..can't be a play, because of the feminine resistance couldn't open on "Broad's Way"
Timmy1000 - October 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Yes, it would tend to tone down the writes about farts and certain body parts, that we (men?) seem to like so well. Very clever change using the OS to mirror the collaboration write and good changes to mirror the mood changes of OS.
Christie Marie M - October 01, 2009 - Report this comment
(Applauds): Quite another good show, folks! Love the line with O'Donnell, Rosie! I echo all comments above. I'd take it that Professor Turtle would rather go solo. LOL!! Also very useful to leave hyperlinks in the song! 555 stars!
TJC - October 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Overall, some fantastic verbiage here admixed with some sly homage to the OS all the while advancing your alter Igor n' Igress' plot nicely...

Pickering:Nitpickering's subject matter driven sub's perfection well worth the syllabic price

run write:run rite an interesting progression.... was expecting 'Right'

O'Donnell, Rose zinger one of my favs
pedagogic ploys:philosophic joys inspired and *so* true to character

dentist to be drilling:waterboarded grilling a neat nod to contemp. events

great triplet--smart:part:fart! followed by equally slick --brass:sass:alas:a*s er, 'quadwritelet'

In sum, suited me to a T... and an F... and another T... and a G....!
Andy Primus - October 01, 2009 - Report this comment
What! No more crudity from TT about sheep or dongs? I'll believe that when I see it (or rather, when I don't see it).
Old Man Ribber - October 01, 2009 - Report this comment
This is really great, but there's something much more important going on. Barack and Michelle are trying to get the 2016 Olympics for Chicago!
Fiddlegirl - October 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Thank you all! :D AFW: LOL @ Broad's Way... (hehehe)

T1K: In theory, yes. In practice, not so much. ;)

CMM: Thank you! Yes, at this point Prof. Turtle is deeply regretting his impulsivity at agreeing to work with the metrically-challenged FG... :(

TJC: Hehe! Thank you for the close read, votes, and comments :D (And the cheer, of course...I'm trying to imagine the AIR varsity sweater.) ;)

Andy P: You're a very smart fellow. ;)

OMR: I suppose it would be "loverly" indeed for their former associates. But we can ignore that for now. (Oh, "Yes, we can!") ;)
Tommy Turtle - October 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Fiddlegirl said it all, much better than I could, as usual, and in far fewer words -- also as usual. ;)

Only cent or two to add:

TJC: Glad you agree on NP. IMHO, to bastardize it to something like "Col. Nitpicking" to keep the count the same would have been a gross injustice to the OS. Much of HH's lines are spoken rather than sung, anyway, and the Colonel's name will appear mostly in the script as a character's name about to speak, rather than being spoken or sung.. So yes, on such occasions, even TT bends his brittle shell. Sharp catch as always -- not just noticing, but grokking the reason for the exception. Thanks for approving. :)

FG: And you thought the Rosie O'Donnell line was weak, and only a temp pending a better sub ... (hmph!) ... and not one, but *two* (2) readers singled it out as a fave! ... Let a woman in your write.... (wink)

OMR: Isn't that a gross conflict of interest, and the ultimate in pork-barrel politics? ... but to be expected, I suppose. Is ACORN funding the campaign? .. .anyway, thanks for taking time out for the critical events of seven years from now to read today's post. (I'll focus on today's events and read your posts in seven years .... kidding! KIDDING!) Thanks for v/c.
alvin - October 01, 2009 - Report this comment
i can't wait to see what happens next...on to act 4
TT - October 02, 2009 - Report this comment
alvin: right there with ya bro -- glad yer finding it gripping :)
blackjack21 - October 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Well, you know what *they* say: "Whoever is writing abou tit the most is probably doing it the least." 8-]
TT - October 03, 2009 - Report this comment
blackjack21: Which is why TT is so glad that his ewes are always there for him... no dinner, no flowers, no PG, no M-word.... Do you have an infinite supply of emoticons, and would you mind sharing the source? Seem to keep coming up with new ones! ... interesting deliberate "typo" there. (,) (.)
blackjack21 - October 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Ewe the man, TT. =8~{)> No source for emoticons, just a little personal creativity. 8>
TT - October 04, 2009 - Report this comment
blackjack21: In all fairness and modesty, I must admit that FG created a number of lines, in this song as well as all of the others, including the racy ones -- so she must not be doing it much, either. ;-(

And she considers being "ram-med" by a sheep completely out of the question! (#).(#) ♂♀
metaphorsbwithu - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
Aha! So boys will be boys. A little table-turning here with the coarseness of the Professor taking front stage - just like in real life, no doubt. Never trust those academic types! :-D
Tommy Turtle - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
metaphorsbwithu: But of TT's top 10 all-time page hitters, 7 have racy themes or titles, including the song that's #1 by a *huge* margin, and has been for ages. So... just following the old Show Biz maxim, "Give the people what they want". The non-racy ones tend to be lower down the list.... thanks for v/c!
Tommy Turtle @ Old Man Ribber - August 18, 2012 - Report this comment
Re: "This is really great, but there's something much more important going on. Barack and Michelle are trying to get the 2016 Olympics for Chicago!"

Looks like Brazil won out. Nice to see that not only was the POTUS spending his first year in office on perks for his hometown instead of addressing this miserable economy that "he inherited" (true enough, but he's only made it worse), but that the time and effort diverted to the Olys was wasted anyway.

(Econ benefit, you say? Most Oly's run at a net loss despite the influx of visitors, except for one in Los Angeles in 1984, which actually turned a profit, perhaps because it was taken over and turned around by a businessman vs. politicians.)

Always nice to get the Reality Check three years later.

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