It was 18th, July, a happy Chappaquiddick party day
The guys were out gettin' snockered and decidin' whom each would lay
At 11:15, sopped, Teddy drove off, dirty louse; girl, sweet
'Cause he had hollered to his chauffeur, "You can stay here, and rest your feet"
And then I heard some TV news next mornin', while searchin' fridge
Last night, Mary Jo Kopechne: driven off the Chappaquiddick Bridge

Teddy said at inquest, she had asked "Back to my hotel, please"
But Mary Jo, saying that, would make no sense: Left her purse and keys [1]
You lying faker, party thrower, court, she: you want to plow
C'mon, you don't give a da*n about Mary Jo, anyhow
Pregnant wife at home, you scum; you're no good; got that c*ck-hard itch
And now Mary Jo Kopechne's lying in an underwater ditch

And Teddy said he recollected that he had dived for Mary Jo
Seven times, then went back to the Lawrence Cottage bungalow
Why wasn't he callin' the cops to go search for her that night?
Gosh, he's just Mom and Flag and Apple Pie, but still, it don't seem right
He left her underwater, snuffed her life out like a midge [2]
And Bobby's staffer, Mary Jo's trapped underneath the wood Dike Bridge [3]

Teddy said that he cried at what happened to that girl last night
But by early next morning, he was chattin' such like all was right [4]
This nice, young creature: Teddy, nail her, then run away
And be absolved as a sinner on Sunday: "Hail Marys", say
The evidence unfurled; it looked: manslaughter charge, soon, for crime, you'll pay
But Judge and Jury, Grand, and State Attorney made the charges go away [5] [6]

A year has come and gone since we heard the news about Mary Jo
And Teddy's still a U.S. Senator; never off to jail, did go
Suspended license; guilty found: leaving accident; no more charge, bring
All the Kennedys, it seems, can get away with 'bout anything
And me, I see an awful crime, and some flowers on a graveyard ridge
I'd fling Ted's corpse, for his dirty slaughter, off the Chappaquiddick Bridge.




[1] As mentioned in "Chappaquiddick", Mary Jo left her purse and her hotel key at the party when she left with Ted, which would hardly be consistent with asking to be taken back to her hotel room.

[2] "midge" - a gnat-like insect, frequently found near ponds and lakes

[3] Dike Bridge was its actual name, but as the party took place on Chappaquiddick Island, and the incident is known by that name, said name is used here for both recognition and poetic purposes.

[4] Back at his hotel that same night, Kennedy complained at 2:55 am to the hotel owner that he had been awakened by a noisy party. (Oh, the air is thick with irony! .... and obviously he was not kept awake by "conscience", whatever that is.) By 7:30 am the next morning, he was talking "casually" to the winner of the previous day's sailing race, with no indication that anything was amiss.

[5] Also as per the footnotes to "Chappaquiddick" as per [1], the Supreme Court's inquest, held in secrecy, found probable cause that Kennedy's negligence had caused the death of Ms. Kopechne. The Judge could therefore have issued a warrant for Kennedy's arrest on the charge of manslaughter, but for reasons unknown, did not. The District Attorney could have pursued that same charge based on the Judge's findings, but for reasons unknown, did not.

A Grand Jury was convened to determine if an indictment should be issued; however, the evidence and findings of the *secret* inquest, which had not yet been released, were not allowed to be seen by the Grand Jury. The District Attorney, who *had* attended the inquest and seen the Judge's report, *told the grand jury* that there was not enough evidence to indict Senator Kennedy on potential charges of manslaughter, perjury, or driving to endanger, despite the fact that the Judge's report said that there was in fact such probable cause. Only four witnesses were called, but they were not ones who had testified at the inquest. Given this severe squelching of information, findings, evidence, and witnesses, the Grand Jury did not issue any indictments -- how could they?

[6] (Terminology only) State Attorney, District Attorney -- different states use different terms, but they both refer to the same office: The chief prosecutor who represents the State, and/or the People of said State, in prosecuting criminal defendants.... as in, "The State of New York vs. John Doe", or "The People of the State of California vs. Jane Doe". Although Mass. uses "District Attorney", it was tweaked to its equivalent so that the line would pace to the OS.