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Song Parodies -> "The Fifth Element"

Original Song Title:

"My Band"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

D12

Parody Song Title:

"The Fifth Element"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

700TH PARODY, Y'ALL! And as is my tradition, I have taken a song I parodied back when I was stupid an inexperienced and re-parody along a vaguely similar topic. Last time I wrote about The Matrix. This time I've picked a different cult sci-fi action artsy film: The Fifth Element! Because it's one of my favourite films. Enjoy!
Korben Dallas:
If I told you
While drivin' my cab, someone dropped into it
And that one was some crazy chick named Leeloo
And accordin' to some old priest, she's the "fifth element", it's true
You'd prob'bly think I was crazy or somethin' but no
Because

This lady is really the Fifth Eleme-ent
And to help her save the world from gettin' squi-uished
Is me, a cab driver named Korben Dalla-as
When I woke up, this crap I didn't expe-ect

Okay, I think that I should rewind
Thought that it would be a normal day, right
Nice, lazy, what I do daily
Disarmin' muggers who act so crazy
He was like "Gimme the cash, give"
Didn't even know about the safety switch
Wasn't too hard to get him to turn it off
Then I aim my gun so his, he drops
I'm drivin' my cab with five points on my licence
And suddenly then the redhead drops in and I hear the sirens
And so with the cops I got in a race
Had to hide in the smoke til they all went away
Cause the girl had learned two English words in time: "Help, please"
Not that order, but I have to fit this rhymin' scheme
And I guess for her I felt sorry, geez
Therefore I took her to Cornelius, a priest
I went home and tried to wind down with some Thailandese
But then I got mail learnin' that I was fired, go me
My old gen'ral shows up and tells me
That these four elemental stones, must seize, too much, please

And so I'm helpin' out the Fifth Eleme-ent
Her name's too long, to Leeloo it's been shorte-ened
We're on a plane to Fhloston Paradise, ye-es
All because I'm helpin' the Fifth Eleme-ent
Fifth Element
Fifth Element
Fifth E-E-Element
Fifth Element
I gue-ess (alright, ok, alright man)
Eh-eh-eh (this is just fine, man, ok, daw...gi...come on)
I'll take a nap on the flight, ah yeah

Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg:
Also tryna get the elemental stones, true
But I'm not savin' the world, you're all screwed (hey)
Savin' my skin is way more important
Don't care about Earth or these Mangalore thugs (huh, huh)
To live with my wealth that's all I desire
Killed jobs: one mil (wait, did you Korben fired?)
I did? Wouldn't care even if I did know
Cause at this point all that I want is to find the stones
Can't count on those Mangalorian schmucks
They're too stupid to not blow themselves right up
Yes, I did cause that, like I did my henchman
Don't mess with me, man, Mr. Shadow's on my back

Ruby Rhod and his entourage:
Ruby Rhod: I don't like Korben Dallas, interviews were shit
Entourage: Oh, no, no that isn't right, you're always a hit
Ruby Rhod: They were bad, just two words each, Korben, what's wrong witchu?
Korben Dallas: Not here for your interviews, so get screwed
Ruby Rhod: With him, my show won't sound best
Entourage: But your show, it always sound best
Ruby Rhod: This one didn't, it sucked
Entourage: But that doesn't make sense, they can't be bad, they've got you in them
Ruby Rhod: But Korben
Korben Dallas: I don't care what you say
Entourage: He's nothin'
Ruby Rhod: How am I gonna deal with him at the op'ra house
Entourage: Just be yourself an' you're gonna light up the whole house
Nothin' will go wrong, not like there'll be hostile alien dudes
Ruby Rhod: You're really gon' tempt fate, what's wrong witchu? Buzz off
Entourage: You're so right, sir
Ruby Rhod: Buzz off, man

Korben Dallas:
Woke up on the plane, where'd the hell Leeloo ge-et?
I gotta find her, man, this ship's packed so de-ense
Must get away from Ruby Rhod's dumb nonse-ense
And find Leeloo, cause she's the Fifth Eleme-ent

Vito Cornelius:
The stones are with the Diva Plavalaguna
And I want to find them so bad I stowed aboard
Since my apprentice failed to take his spot
Not proud of whackin' Korben with his award (it still hurts)
Aware that that was a desp'rate plan
But you have to know the world's end is at hand
If we don't find the stones, our death's imminent
Thank God that that science guy rebuilt the Fifth Element
Somewhere hidden on this gigantic ship are the stones
Korben Dallas:
You know where they're at?
Vito Cornelius:
No, sadly, I don't
I can't search anyway, cause I've kinda been detained (c'mon)
Security:
Cause, you crazy coot, you're a stowaway

Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat:
Full name's too long, call me Leeloo (huh)
Got over 200,000 memo groups
And I know what that means, my research covered that
But who cares cause I can kick ass
Where did I come from? A long time in the past
There were some aliens called Mondoshawans
They gave the humans the ultimate weapon
Which was me, but they up and left
Wasn't safe on Earth, so they departed
(But why aren't you alien?)
This story's just started
Anyway, the Mondoshawan's knew Earth was doomed
Tried to bring me back, that plan got screwed (completely)
Their ship got attacked by Mangalore thugs
One survivor: my hand still in a glove (uh)
I, Leeloo Dallas, Multipass
Am kinda sick of narratin' my own past

Korben Dallas (Leeloo):
Why did you leave before me (don't know, Korben, nothin' much evident)
With no reason that's obvious
Hope you'll turn up at the op'ra
Cause Ruby Rhod's la-a-ame (can't argue)

Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat:
No need to worry, I'm the Fifth Element (uh-huh)
The Supreme Being, ev'ryone's ass I'll kick (arts: martial)
I've got a lead on the stones I'm followin' (yeah)
Maybe Ruby Rhod can help you...ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Korben Dallas (Leeloo):
Fifth Element
Fifth Element (ha-ha!)
Fifth Element
Fifth Element (ha-ha-ha-ha)
What's ne-e-ext, oh-ooh-oh (yeah, I'll kick ass)

Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat:
Any intruders will get served
By me!

Korben Dallas:
That's about where the plot is at
Gonna watch the Diva sing while Ruby's a prat
Sure been a weird ride for me, Korben Dallas
Yes, an odd day in the life of Korben Dallas
Oh-oh odd situation for ex-Major Korben Dallas
It's madness, madness, mad, mad, mad, mad
And the part of this that's particularly mad:
I've gone third-person, that's sad
Korben Dallas had better shut up, cause this act
Is makin' him act like a prat, poor Dallas
Let's get on with the show

And then awesome music happened and things blew up and much fun was had by all (except the people who blew up, but they were all the bad guys so whatever). Also, pro tip: don't click that link. I was baaaaaaad back then. Really bad.

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Total Votes: 12

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rob Arndt - July 23, 2015 - Report this comment
If you want something done right, do it yourself! For the honor... Oh no! Kaboom! 555! In the book, Zorg survived due to the pod weapon's protection. Akta!!!
Rob Arndt - July 23, 2015 - Report this comment
The modified weapons in Fifth Element were Czech, Russian, Polish, German, and US. Only the NYPD guns were full props! FYI

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