I saw that machine down in North Soho
Where you can get Sprite, Pepsi, or Coca-Cola
Co co Cola.

I walked up to the machine and reached in pants.
Put in my quarters and pressed the button that said "Cola"
C-O-L-A Cola, co co co cola

Well, I'm not the world's rudest guy,
But when the out of order light lit up I let obscenities fly
Oh my Cola, lo co co Cola

Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why I haven't learned that these machines will eat your money again
Oh my Cola, co co co cola, co co co cola

Well, I grabbed on and shook that machine all night,
But all it would give me was a lousy Sprite,
So I got out my phone and dialed toll-free,
But the operator wouldn't do anything about my money

Well, I'm not the world's most impatient guy
But I was seriously considering dynamite,
Just to get my cola,
Co co co Cola, co co co Cola

I pushed it all day. I kicked at the door.
Then I got a jackhammer and started to bore
But nothing I did would do any smashing

Well that's the way I should have let it stay.
But I was so desperate for my cola.
Co co co Cola.

Coke will be warm and Sprite will be cold.
It's a carbonated caffeinated, shook up world,
except for Cola. Co Co Co Lola. Lo lo lo Lola.

Well my insurance policy stopped just a week before,
And I never ever read those stickers before,
That say if you shake the machine you will be dead,
When a ton of soda and metal land on your head

Well I'm not the world's most disfigured man,
but I know what I am and that I'm invalid,
Cause of ColaCo Co Co Cola. Co Co Co Cola.