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Song Parodies -> "Lord Protectorin' Boy"

Original Song Title:

"All-American Boy"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bobby Bare

Parody Song Title:

"Lord Protectorin' Boy"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Bobby Bare recorded the original in 1959 -- roughly 300 years after the fall of the Protectorate and the Restoration of the monarchy -- but, somehow, the name of singer Bill Parsons got put on it. Most sources now properly attribute the song to Bare. The thought of the ultra-Puritan Ollie the C singin' a Fifties rockabilly tune might strike some of you as shocking... but that's the idea.
Gather 'round, cats, and I'll tell you a story
about how to become an Lord Protectorin' Boy.
Buy you a seat, follow Parliament's tune.
You'll be meetin' and votin' soon.
Impressin' the girls,
writin' hot bills, and all that jazz.

I got me a seat, 1628.
Learned that King Charles, I had to hate.
And all through London, it was well understood
That Charles, that man of blood, he was really no good.
He sucks, showin' off, ah, Charles the One.

Well, we'd meet all day and up into the night.
And Charles the First, he was turnin' white.
'Cause he didn't like our tax veto.
He said, "I will stay, boys, but you gotta go."
He's a square!
He just didn't dig us at all!

So we fought us this war, pikes and all.
Chased Charles out of old Whitehall.
At Turnham Green, we had a ball
and soon I was sittin' in a painter's stall.
Portrait, showed warts and all.
They dig me.

We was fightin' and winnin', and we gave Charles a break.
In '49, sceptered isle I take.
When up stepped a man with an Irish brogue.
He said, "Come here, Ollie, we're gonna get ya, ya rogue."
Well, they made a last stand.
Wexford, they were shellacked.
Right there, kid.

But the Parliament wouldn't do what I say.
Don't they know I'm in charge anyway?
I tell 'em to do stuff, and they say no.
I tell 'em, "Boys, in the name of God, go!"
No more Catholics comin'.
Screamin'?
Yeah, I like it!

So I ruled as number one Puritan
'til the day God took me to the Promised Land.
And two years later, son of Charles, that sham
he said
(knock knock knock)
"Here I am!
So you say you need me, boys?
We're all gonna get along now.
Take prosperity, kids.
Gimme my mistress.
Yeah."
No, it's not Monty Python's version. In this version, O-Crom doesn't get out alive. But I wonder if Charles' severed head said, "It's only a scratch"?

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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AFW - August 24, 2005 - Report this comment
I may be the only other guy here who remembers this old Country tone poem...It was kinda' like the rap of it's day....and you fit it in good here..I enjoyed this old British history lesson...fives

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