They head to the studio, primed to drool.
She is Chicago-based, fighting fat food,
And her weight is proportional to her mood.
They swoon for the wide Oprah.

One day she gave away cars, but not from Ford--
Free Pontiacs made her audience hearts' soar.
Some of them fainted and dropped straight to the floor.
Her guile has no limit.

Into the great wide Oprah,
Under her guise they swoon.
They jump so high for Oprah--
They revel without a clue.

She gave cracker wacko Dr. Phil his start.
She'd go to restaurants and order à la carte.
She'd get hungry and so she'd load up on tarts,
Her size had no limit.

She'd give marrieds advice, though she was single
They would listen to her drivel and tingle.
And in her filled till the millions would jingle.
She scammed 'em like Deepak Chopra.

Into the great wide Oprah,
Under her spell they swoon.
They jump so high for Oprah--
They revel without a clue.