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Song Parodies -> "You'll Never Leave Me 'Cause You Can't Afford the Gas"

Original Song Title:

"Cool for Cats"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Squeeze

Parody Song Title:

"You'll Never Leave Me 'Cause You Can't Afford the Gas"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

You catch me in the bedroom with your sister and a horse
You freak out even though I swear they're here to wax the floors
I say if you've got cramps well please don't take 'em out on me
With that, you grab your clothes and cats and pack the SUV
But find the needle's buried somewhere west-southwest of "E"
You claim you'll ditch my lying cheating alcoholic ass
But girl you'll never leave me 'cause you can't afford the gas
We're out of gas

(Fool for gas)

You say that global warming's why the market misbehaves
But babe you can't completely blame Katrina and the waves
When OPEC stands for Oily Pricks and Economic Cheats
And Hugo Chavez' cell phone stores the number of the beast
And since you claim that oil is why we sacked the Middle East
Then BUSH MUST MEET ME NOW to say why prices rose so fast
I'd stalk him down to Crawford but I can't afford the gas
There's no more gas

(Fool for gas)

They say we'll suck Alaska dry so maybe I'm in luck
Hey screw the seals and caribou; I gotta drive my truck
But meanwhile I've built oil rigs in my next-door neighbor's yard
I shield 'em with some pit bulls and an Uzi-wielding guard
I should have asked permission first but hey these times are hard
What keeps my motor spirits high is streaking - oh and grass
The cops don't bother chasing me; they can't afford the gas
What a gas

(Fool for gas)

They used to scream 'bout shortages but no one even blinked
Now what's left of the dinosaurs is once again extinct
The final drops are like my friends and "Hooters" intertwined:
Delightful in their tackiness, yet also unrefined
But let's keep playing with our pumps; it's worth it to go blind
Besides, the UFO's will come and save our butts at last
I haven't seen 'em lately, though; they must be out of gas
They're out of ga-a-a-as

(Fool for gas)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh...)

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   12
 12
 12
 

User Comments

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DKTOS? - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
For those who Don't Know The Original Song, it's temporarily available at spaff.com/dktos
stuart mcarthur - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
you're on high octane here, Spaff - broad broad targets and you hit them all - that is an ambitious parody - loved the lateral Hooters reference, and the Katrina/Waves borrow (from Phil?) - AND the way each stanza winds back to someone needing gas - classic stuff - 555
alvin rhodes - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
great job on a tough song to parody ...an anthem for the ages...5s
Arwen - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
You're right...I can't afford the gas to leave you...but that'd be why I've got your Visa card...

Nice work...the hijacked neighbor's yard was my favorite...=)
Rick C - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent lines everywhere. Especially the "Oily Pricks and Economic Cheats" sub for the OPEC acronym....high fives
Phil Alexander - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
I hope that I inspired this, I'd like to say I had
'Cause it's a little funnier than simply "not so bad"
One small wave from Katrina, and I guess that this'll pass
I have to tell ya, Spaff.com, I think that it's a gas
Yep, it's a gas
Phil Alexander - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
PS... fave line: "Now what's left of the dinosaurs is once again extinct" - sheer brilliance
Claude Prez - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm one of those unenlightened souls who think "Tempted" is the only song Squeeze ever did so I'm glad you provided the original. Ditto what everyone else said plus I have to single out the dinosaur bit; that was great. It's always a bonus when topical humor is actually humorous.
Tim Mayfield - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
I am under the impression that gas prices go up based upon what we do. So under that theory:
If we go to war, gas prices rise
If we pass a bill, gas prices rise
If we sink an oil tanker, gas prices rise
If we go on vacation, gas prices rise
If we buy SUV's, gas prices rise
If we elect a new president, gas prices rise
If we crash wall street, gas prices rise
If we discover a cure, gas prices rise
If we breathe too much air, gas prices rise
If we eat too many bagels, gas prices rise
If we eat at McDonalds, gas prices rise
If we cough too loud, gas prices rise
If we go to sleep, gas prices rise
Tim Mayfield - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh, and I forgot to say This parody is $5.55 a gallon.
Kristof Robertson - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent, Sheik al-Spaff!! Petrol...sorry, GAS has just hit a pound a litre here in the UK...that's about seven bucks a gallon. Aarggghh! 555
Paul Robinson - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sigh)...you're gonna make me listen to that OS, aren't ya? Cause I really want to put these incredibly outrageous lyrics to some sort of music and see what it's like...(sigh)...so I guess when I get home from work today I have to do that...baaz-taard...lol...
carol - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS but just reading it , sounded like it was beautifully paced, and some super lines. 5's
Mugged Liberal - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
It's all about the oil! Er, I mean, it's all about the gasoline. Whatever. Damn it, Shrub, why didn't you plunder those tea-towel-heads the way everyone was saying you were going to? I mean, you might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. For that matter, why didn't you bulldoze a forest and set up a gasoline refinery already? We always said you didn't care about the environment either, so why'd you have to start caring now? Damned Republicans. You're never rapacious and murderous when we want you to be. Oh well. At least the song's funny.
Spaff.com - September 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, scholar rhodes & Overlord Kristof!

s2art & Philbo: Guilty.... http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/katrinaandthewaves5.shtml

Sister Evenstar: So THAT explains all the charges to 1-900-V-DIESEL.

Rick: I figured the author of "Saudi" would appreciate that.

Tim: If a tree decays in the forest and no one is there to hear it, do gas prices rise?

Claude & Paul & carol: Thanx for checking this out despite not knowing the original. The original is kinda superfluous here anyway; I started with the final couplet of the first verse and then had to find a song with a straight meter to match (iambic heptameter, for you scansion geeks). I'm glad I came up with "Cool for Cats," though, because it reminded me how much I like Squeeze's "Singles: 45's & Under" album (conveniently pictured above, thanks to Amazon and Chucky). I highly recommend it.

Mugged: I'm glad I gave you a forum for a partisan rant; there haven't been enough of those on Amiright lately. And I TOTALLY agree with your last three words. Heh heh.
Jack Wilson - September 21, 2005 - Report this comment
LOVED IT!!!!!!!!! Yopu are the Rogers and Hammerstein of parodies
leo jay - September 26, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent job with a cool tune. I especially like this bit:

The final drops are like my friends and "Hooters" intertwined:
Delightful in their tackiness, yet also unrefined
But let's keep playing with our pumps; it's worth it to go blind

Slick.
Spaff.com - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Local Celebrity: And you, my friend, are the Gimbel and Fox of comments.

Lee OJ: Thanx. "Slick." Heh heh.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - October 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Sorry for being late here, but my computer runs on gas, real gas, so I couldn't afford to comment before I had stacked up a ton of white beans and rebuilt it to work with this proctoscopy gear and garden hose. (Don't ask about the details, trust me, you don't wanna know).
Spaff.com - November 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Peter: Please don't tell me where you store your mouse.
Andy Primus - May 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Great song - great parody
Spaff.com - June 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanx, Andy. Consider yourself Squeezed.

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