Shat'sperian Shag!

[sung half-in-the bag by Chekhov, as only that slurrin' Slovac can]
~

Five year mission hath thee down?
Though art Captain, play the clown?
Fret thee not my 'warped' Don Juan
You'll—
Getteth on, getteth on—Cock'a 'Khan'!

Romeo'ver-actin' showman,
Too Farr-gone o'er nubile yeomen
Mister Spock's thy wingman—
Pimpin' all yer flings and—
Queuin' Shat'spear'ian Shags!

Boldly ho where no one hath 'afore
Stunning starlets, beaming off their drawers
Struttin' in thy Star Fleet swaggery
On away teams—ruttin' Jagger-y
Alien nymph, minx or vixen
Prime directive's: Hone thy dict'ion
Used - warp - tricks—straight...
Back in time to fornicate!

Madest props: Kirk's staying power
Helms the 'USS Deflower'
Stars in shipboard mu-si-cal:
'Le'—
Paws Aux Folles, Paws Aux Folles"—has a ball!

Raiseth, too, a toast to Scotty
'Shuttles' gals for Jim The Naughty
On 'impulse' came up with—
Puckin' bawdy couplets—
WOOOin' Shat'spearian Shags!

Lo! When Kirk needs wenches goofiest
Hark! Bones brews up Ale that's Roofie kissed
Grandly named thou 'James Tiberius'
Gals pronounce it: 'Shake'-thy-rear-thee-lass'
Spacin’ Stud's très macho,*very*—
Put the 'Rod' in Rod-in-berry—
Booze - score - chicks—g r e a t!
'After'deck's all sticky, mate!

How'd Kirk bed that tri-'V' Satyr?
Used his 'head'—and replicator!
Much Ado these lur-id stchups
Such—
Beam'ing up, beam'ing up—steaming? Yup!

Oversext, yon Kirk's 'Fall'staffin'
Super 'bard' whilst turbo-shaftin'
Trekkin' 'round Old Globes n'
Enter'prize-y probin'
Klingons n' Gere'ians—
Sore thy Frontiery 'ends'?—
You've been Shat'spear'ian Shagged!

~