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Song Parodies -> "Hotwire"

Original Song Title:

"Bonfire"

Original Performer:

Childish Gambino

Parody Song Title:

"Hotwire"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

An amateur thief gets in over his head. And no, I didn't transcribe all the chanting and background shouting, it just didn't seem necessary this time around.
Okay, it's kind of illegal, but I need to steal this van, stat
Late for work and my boss is an asshat
Such a jerk, sure, I skipped a shift or seven
It's still stupid that he'd can me if I'm late again, he threatened
Why a van? I tried a four-door, it spilled oil all over me
A dumb fluke, I suppose, but see, I won't risk one more gross-ass leak
And man, that owner was a jerk, so many things were thrown at me
From varied swears to pointy rocks, refused to hear my hopeless plea
What, try a parked car?
That sounds weird, I figured that the hard part
Of gettin' past the locks would be gone while on, see
But what do I know? GTA really bored me
I'm not bein' lazy, I'm still tryna go, man
Off to my vocation, I wanna work, it's no sham
But my car was impounded cause I parked it in the road, damn
How was I to know that was a main road, man?
Stop bitchin' 'bout my current sin
And help me snap this, grrr, door handle hinge
The "window method" won't work, it's true, trust me
Suspicious if I was slashed like crazy
I'm not really social, they won't know this van ain't me
Boss will cut me slack, 'cause, shit, I'm on time, I'd look saintly
"You're my fav'rite worker now!" Yeah, that won't happen, geez
Let me be optimistic, man, and hand me that grease
I give the door a jerk, then two-handed
I give the door a jerk, still standin'
Man, I'm just glad this van ain't one of those black ones
Cause, you know, a break-in would mean the feds come

Tryna hotwire and then drive out
But it's way trickier than those caper films make out
Wanna hotwire this and drive out (uh-huh)
But it's way trickier than those thriller films make out

I'll bet top hacker dudes are done in seconds
Sucks that I'm new to this, I reckon
Once I lay down on the floor to deal with the wires
I'll end up so damn late to work that my ass will be fired
Yeah, still no way I'll be quittin', might be handy if I
Know how to do this shit, then I'd live the high life
But first off, I think I'm close to budgin' this door left
It's the slider, yeah, I'm hopin' it's automatic
I think it jerked, I'll move it
Holy balls, what the crap? Might do this
The alarm ain't buzzin', but I just jacked the door, mate
Can't be complainin', cause now I'll hit the floor, wait
How's this s'pposed to work? There's wires I should be pullin'
Should've done way more research than one Youtube vid, bullshit
Unscrewin' all the things, hope somethin' ends up fallin' out
Except more gross-ass fluid, at this angle, might spray on my mouth
I'm poppin' things off solidly
Friggin' losin' screws, they ping off into the car carpet, jeez
Yeah, the wires are here, lots of 'em, please
I need to work out which ones let me bypass the lock, you see
Cut the red or have the green one tied?
My alligator clips are hungry for some copper, fine
The price for failin' is dear: bazappity
Like that word? I made up it cause I can, you see
Oh crap, I don't know what to do
I think I should've snipped green instead of the blue
Somethin's glowin', turn the key, let's see what happens next
I hear the hummin' of the engine, cracked it

I wonder if I'll get any tips on hotwiring in the comments? I mean, I got an estimated bajillion comments on what could rhyme with purple, so you never know...

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   1
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 3   1
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 4   1
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 5   5
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