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Song Parodies -> ""Purple" Won't Rhyme"

Original Song Title:

"Circle of Life"

Original Performer:

The Lion King

Parody Song Title:

""Purple" Won't Rhyme"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

A poet runs into that inevitable brick wall: the unrhymable word.
Crap, I wrote myself into a corner
Stupid fool, I'll have to restart now
Crap, I thought I'd never do this, I was wrong
What a fool, that's what I am, so screwed now
Screwed this up, can't lie now
I feel like a schmuck, might cry now
Not a plothole that's gotten me bothered
Not a typo that's got me all ruffled
And it's not a bad misuse of grammar
That's made me want to get out a hammer
And smash my head 'til my brain is flattened (make it squoosh)
It's a simple thing that's made me saddened
First world problems of the highest order (I'm a douche)
But it's still made me a tissue hoarder

All I am is an amateur poet
For thinking, I'm paid to do tons
Important, see, that I don't misuse speech
Look a fool if that was to be done
You're askin' what's brought me to tears
Cause you find I meander around
Fine, I will tell you why I scream up to the sky
And my work to a halt, it's been ground

It's that "purple" won't rhyme (it may sound stupid, still brings me pain)
With no words at all
It's a basic trope
Makes me feel dumb
That I can't escape
It without rewriting
Stupid "purple"
Word "purple" won't rhyme

I'm come too far now to just restart it
I'd feel like a dumb, time-wasting bastard
Writing a whole poem's way more harder
Than just snorting drugs stashed in my larder
That rhyme there was really friggin' awkward
Normally would make me stop and ponder
If the last two lines were worth that falter
But right now I'm stuck inside a corner
The whole poem hinges on that awful
Little word, without it, a colossal
Waste of time, the last few months of scrawlin'
So you understand why I'm here bawlin' (like a fool)
It's embarrassing, really appallin'
Hence why I was really kinda stallin' (like a tool)
I just knew all of you would be balkin'
At my reason for my tortured squawkin'

Stupid "purple" won't rhyme (know I look foolish, I'm still in pain)
With no phrase at all
So I've lost all hope
I'll get paid, sucks
And don't try to say
Consonants aren't binding
That's why "turtle"
With "purple" won't rhyme

I may have missed some of the chanting in the chorus, but it's so buried beneath the sweeping orchestra and Elton John's powerful voice that I figured it didn't matter as much as the softer chanting in the instrumental section.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

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 4   1
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User Comments

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CML - September 21, 2017 - Report this comment
The trick here is to just make up a word; Take a word like "burp" or "usurp", and add the suffix "-le" to make "burp-le" or "usurp-le". As long as you do it sparingly, the reader should see it as a joke. And that is the point of all this.
Phil Alexander - September 21, 2017 - Report this comment
I'm sure some twerp'll be along to point out a rhyme :-)
Rob Arndt - September 21, 2017 - Report this comment
Right off the top of my head- Merkel as in Angela!!!
Rob Arndt - September 21, 2017 - Report this comment
Also, substitute ful for ple at the end, thus hurtful rhymes with purple and so on...
Rob Arndt - September 21, 2017 - Report this comment
Btw, the obvious would be purple nurple!
Agrimorfee - September 21, 2017 - Report this comment
RhymeZone offers: curple, hirple, quirpele, bepurple, disperple, empurple, impurple. But "HERBAL" FTW.
Jonathan - September 21, 2017 - Report this comment
alright guys, now rhyme "orange." 5s
Curse of Monkey Island - September 21, 2017 - Report this comment
"We'll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an... orange."

"And... uh..."

"Well?"

"Er..."

"Door-hinge?"

"No, no..."

"Guess the song's over, then"

"Aye, guess so."

"Well, back to work."

"Gee, I feel a little guilty now..."
Rob Arndt - September 21, 2017 - Report this comment
Cheating, but porridge!
Agrimorfee - September 22, 2017 - Report this comment
Door hinge.
Anon - September 23, 2017 - Report this comment
As above, boring 💤

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