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Song Parodies -> "Cocainism."

Original Song Title:

"Escapism."

Original Performer:

RAYE ft. 070 Shake

Parody Song Title:

"Cocainism."

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Cocainism (noun): a now uncommon term for cocaine abuse.
People might need to tell fibs, I got it
Don't have to like it but still, I got it
But I think this is called takin' piss or somethin'
It's clear to any eye that you're high, you're buggin'
I don't have to spend any time here guessin'
On what substance that you have been messin'
You're covered in dust that's the colour white
The detective show is over, no clues missin'
Look, I don't wanna deal with the way you're twitchin'
In fact, I don't wanna deal with your nose that's drippin'
Not with snot, dude, that's blood that's been sugar dippin'
Far from literal, best to plan for arrestin'

I would call these hints on the nose if
This was some show, it's real life, makes it insane
Kinda shocked that you'd try to do this on shift
Retail's bad but does that mean you need cocaine?
Cinch call, no tricks, real clear, you twit
The next stall in the same bathroom was where I was, mate
I could hear all the snortin', did that so hard
Pretty sure that it could be heard in the next state

Though I don't wanna deal with your dumbass crime
I don't wanna deal but I guess that's fine
Shut up, shut up, manager, please, shut up, shut up, I know what I see
Kinda made it plain, I'm sick of the excuses, shut up, I don't wanna deal

Let's avoid draggin' out this dumb scene
'Cause there's no way you're innocent, geez
Not innocent of anything, that I'm bettin'
Except for thinkin' that I'd fall for your lame excuses
Sure that's flour from that fancy bread you ate
Because ev'rybody eats their lunch while they're shittin' it
Also strange 'cause two hours ago
Was your lunch break, watched you sit in the staff room nibblin'
On your giant beef wrap, told ev'ryone you could
That that's all you needed to eat for this single shift
So from whence did you get this extra bread? You see?
Seems you're up to your neck in shit (what?)

And I know the diff'rence, I can tell
When a nose has been broken from a door frame
And when blood has been comin' from somethin' else
Pretty sad I know that stream's 'cause of cocaine
Seen lots of shit 'round here since this
Is a neighbourhood that's bad for folks of any age
Only here until I know I've got the hard
Cold cash to leave but until then, can spot intakes

God, I don't wanna deal with your dumbass crime
I don't wanna deal, guess it's just that time
Shut up, shut up, manager, please, shut up, shut up, your lies don't fool me
All over your face, the evidence is foolproof, shut up, I don't wanna deal (mmm, what?)

Said I don't wanna deal with your dumbass crime
I don't wanna deal with your nonsense lies
Like I need to get my ears fixed? Strange (that's lies)
Heard the stall that's left of me and not the one where you were placed (yeah-eah-eah-eah)
But you see, there's a rub because there's no stall that way
Just wall, that's all, thick walls so you cannot say
Bros do drugs, yeah, in the next room, just stay
Until I can make sure that you've been arrested, shut up, I don't wanna deal

I don't wanna deal with your dumbass crime
I don't wanna deal, isn't the first time
Shut up, shut up, manager, please, shut up, shut up, so sick of this scene
At least the drug is diff'rent, shut up, I don't wanna deal

I don't wanna deal with your dumbass crime
I don't wanna deal, it's all become trite
Same old shit, same old shit, same old shit, ain't right
Ooh! Uh, uh, uh, mmm

Seems I always play the part
Of the unlucky schmuck who has to run into the druggies' farce
Whether they claim that they're sippin'
When they're chuggin' the liquor or they're believin'
That I didn't see the bong stashed in (uh-huh)
The front of their underwear, dude, it won't fit (uh-huh)
Always friggin' somethin', hopin' one day that it's meth (uh-huh)
'Cause I plan to straight nope the hell outta that bullshit (mmm)

Why does this song have a full stop at the end of the title? Beats me. Why is the single cover art so visceral? Not a clue. Why did the Billboard charts have time for that whisp of a fart of a nothing otherwise known as Just Wanna Rock but only let this song peak at 22? Truly a riddle for the ages.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 28

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   27
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 27
 

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