(opening whistle)

Well, I never felt more like slingin' at Cruise
'cause I never thought that he'd ever lose
his mind, dear.
Why's he acting this way?

Well, he dumped Mimi Rogers, that wasn't all right
and then dropped Nicole and her towering height
without her, it's got me slingin' at Cruise.

The breasts of Mimi looked so fine.
He took Nicole, want her for mine.
There's no one left for him to do
since he dumped Penelope Cruz!
(Penelope Cruz!)

Well, I never felt more like givin' the gate
'cause now he's knocked up and converted Kat-
ie Holmes, now.
It's got me slingin' at Cruise!

(whistling break)

Well, I never felt more like slingin' at Cruise
'cause tabloid TV's still thinkin' he's news
we love, dear.
Why's he acting this way?

Well, I never thought more that he was a dink.
Scientology makes him hate a shrink.
He needs one.
That's got me slingin' at Cruise.

The moon Nicole has sure looks fine.
Penelope looks sweeter than wine.
There's nothing left for me to do
but ask, "Miss Holmes, when will he dump you?"
(When'll he dump you?)

Well, I never felt more like running away
'cause I'll lose my lunch if I should now stay
watching him.
It's got me slingin' at Cruise.

(closing whistle)