Song Parodies -> I Am Binary-Modal, Sexa-Octal Hexadecimal
| Original Song Title: | "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General" |
| Original Performer: | Gilbert & Sullivan |
| Parody Song Title: | "I Am Binary-Modal, Sexa-Octal Hexadecimal" |
| Parody Written by: | Tommy Turtle |
*Please* -- the self-laudatory tone was merely mimicking and satirizing TOS, as we're *supposed* to, right? .... Actually, base six is called "senary", but "sexa-" sounded, well, you know...
Considered adding head- or footnotes explaining the various base systems, but those who know, don't need them; those who don't and are interested, can look them up; and those who don't know them and don't care, don't want them. (hears collective sigh of relief). Footnoted only double-meanings related to algebraic geometry.
Considered adding head- or footnotes explaining the various base systems, but those who know, don't need them; those who don't and are interested, can look them up; and those who don't know them and don't care, don't want them. (hears collective sigh of relief). Footnoted only double-meanings related to algebraic geometry.
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
I am binary-modal, sexa-octal hexadecimal
Head: calculate; precision, great; mistakes in-fin-itesimal
With others' minds, when mine opines, I definally mess 'em all
Of human brains, yes, mine remains the finest living specimal
Although I'm geek, at girls I peek; I mentally undress 'em all
I'm smart, not snooty: Brainy, beauty, cutie, booty: bless 'em all!
I estimize their cuppish size, correct to fifteenth decimal
[pause, then continue, speaking]
Guess their size? Got it!
[resume singing]
Of thoughts obscene, in base thirteen, would need twelve years: confess 'em all
CLASS:
This "hex" is great! We're losing weight! To 1-2-0 from 2-8-8!
We have discussed one problem, just: of Barbie's bust: it must deflate
From 39 to 27: drastic! Plastic, silicate!
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
One downside very, of binary: Never get past second base!
No perv I be, though 12 is she (in hex) - That's 18 - so, unlace!
A millionaire (though in bin-air), I've 64 bucks (losing face)
But well-endowed to base 5 crowd: 11-inch? John Wadd, replace!
CLASS:
In short, in things numerical, his head is egg, not spherical
He is so multi-modal; a phenomenon mysterical
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
I'm never late! In octal (eight), there's thirty hours in a day
I sleep base 4; much more, I snore; at 12 o'clock, begin a day
Base 8, years give: 100, live; I'd learn the violin one day
Binary speak: 10 times a week! My sex life, now a grin a day!
Precise at pi, or slice of pie: my fav'rite flavors: cherry, fur
I never figit at long digits; for the more, the merrier
If I could find one like of mind, brain supernumerary, her
[pause, then continue, speaking]
A female equal? Do what? ... Got it!
[resume singing]
In bright insights, I'd bury her; o'er threshold, carry; marry her!
CLASS:
At this aquatic's laughematics: laughing hyperbolic'ly [1]
His log-a-rhythm: we laugh with him, parab'ling, parodic'ly [2]
Our cunning coach, his puns approach perfection asymptotic'ly
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
It's much more merry in binary; all my songs: hysterical
How do I know? Those Ones that show? Watch calculations clerical:
A "101"? Another one? A third one: So unfair a call?
On Ones I thrive: That's 555! Binary, what a meracle!
CLASS:
In short, binary Octomom would actually be Kilomom
A labor tough; 'twould be enough of human stuff to fill a mom
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
I saw a hooker; wanna nook her; love to zip her zipper off
She's quite a looker; want to book her; hundred thousand: tip for boff
Such sneaky snooker: Ha! I took her! In binary, rip her off!
Here's bucks for you: Just 32! How cleverly I gyp her off!
Don't get me wrong about my schlong; I've one true gal, incites my love
I pour upon her: honor; kilo-, mega-, gigabytes of love
In bits and bytes, love nips and bites, my passion rite delights my love
[pause, then continue, speaking]
But does she reciprocate my affections? ... Got it!
[resume singing]
My love, returns; she yearns and burns; ne'er spurns; my "peta-bytes", my love! [3]
CLASS:
Base six, he seeks, and sex'ly speaks; this geek's performance: plenary
We've fourteen toes, as well he knows, converting ten to senary
Scientia: best potentia est; we quest such, supplementary
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
Though not a fan: Obama's plan to rack the max and tax us all
My tax bill sucks: 10,000 bucks; but me, I can relax us all
Pay 16 dollars! Tax man hollers? Prove it to 'em, facts and all
Of base 2 payment, I'm a claimant! (sits and waits for axe to fall)
CLASS:
In short, in matters taxtical, his math: their wrath: impractical
Though factical; didactical; his mind is mega-wacktical!
[An awed student approaches the Professor shyly, and asks:]
Can you do that again, in base 17?
[The Professor looks at the conductor, and requests:]
Maestro, pass my calculator, s'il vous plait
[repeat the entire song with all numbers converted to base 17,
followed by a blaring chorus of 1FB votes]
(guess what that converts to from base 17 to our "base 10", or decimal, system?)
[1] "Hyperbolic" = greatly exaggerated, from "hyperbole"; and also describing the algebraic/geometric curve, the hyperbola.
[2] "parable" (moral tale); "parabola" (another geometric curve)
[3] One single-meaning clarification: Not the animal-rights organization PETA, which of course the turtle would support -- Treat those sheep better! I care about them! -- , but the prefix, peta- = quadrillion. (1 petabyte = 1,000,000,000,000,000 bytes.)
I am binary-modal, sexa-octal hexadecimal
Head: calculate; precision, great; mistakes in-fin-itesimal
With others' minds, when mine opines, I definally mess 'em all
Of human brains, yes, mine remains the finest living specimal
Although I'm geek, at girls I peek; I mentally undress 'em all
I'm smart, not snooty: Brainy, beauty, cutie, booty: bless 'em all!
I estimize their cuppish size, correct to fifteenth decimal
[pause, then continue, speaking]
Guess their size? Got it!
[resume singing]
Of thoughts obscene, in base thirteen, would need twelve years: confess 'em all
CLASS:
This "hex" is great! We're losing weight! To 1-2-0 from 2-8-8!
We have discussed one problem, just: of Barbie's bust: it must deflate
From 39 to 27: drastic! Plastic, silicate!
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
One downside very, of binary: Never get past second base!
No perv I be, though 12 is she (in hex) - That's 18 - so, unlace!
A millionaire (though in bin-air), I've 64 bucks (losing face)
But well-endowed to base 5 crowd: 11-inch? John Wadd, replace!
CLASS:
In short, in things numerical, his head is egg, not spherical
He is so multi-modal; a phenomenon mysterical
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
I'm never late! In octal (eight), there's thirty hours in a day
I sleep base 4; much more, I snore; at 12 o'clock, begin a day
Base 8, years give: 100, live; I'd learn the violin one day
Binary speak: 10 times a week! My sex life, now a grin a day!
Precise at pi, or slice of pie: my fav'rite flavors: cherry, fur
I never figit at long digits; for the more, the merrier
If I could find one like of mind, brain supernumerary, her
[pause, then continue, speaking]
A female equal? Do what? ... Got it!
[resume singing]
In bright insights, I'd bury her; o'er threshold, carry; marry her!
CLASS:
At this aquatic's laughematics: laughing hyperbolic'ly [1]
His log-a-rhythm: we laugh with him, parab'ling, parodic'ly [2]
Our cunning coach, his puns approach perfection asymptotic'ly
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
It's much more merry in binary; all my songs: hysterical
How do I know? Those Ones that show? Watch calculations clerical:
A "101"? Another one? A third one: So unfair a call?
On Ones I thrive: That's 555! Binary, what a meracle!
CLASS:
In short, binary Octomom would actually be Kilomom
A labor tough; 'twould be enough of human stuff to fill a mom
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
I saw a hooker; wanna nook her; love to zip her zipper off
She's quite a looker; want to book her; hundred thousand: tip for boff
Such sneaky snooker: Ha! I took her! In binary, rip her off!
Here's bucks for you: Just 32! How cleverly I gyp her off!
Don't get me wrong about my schlong; I've one true gal, incites my love
I pour upon her: honor; kilo-, mega-, gigabytes of love
In bits and bytes, love nips and bites, my passion rite delights my love
[pause, then continue, speaking]
But does she reciprocate my affections? ... Got it!
[resume singing]
My love, returns; she yearns and burns; ne'er spurns; my "peta-bytes", my love! [3]
CLASS:
Base six, he seeks, and sex'ly speaks; this geek's performance: plenary
We've fourteen toes, as well he knows, converting ten to senary
Scientia: best potentia est; we quest such, supplementary
PROFESSOR TURTERAL:
Though not a fan: Obama's plan to rack the max and tax us all
My tax bill sucks: 10,000 bucks; but me, I can relax us all
Pay 16 dollars! Tax man hollers? Prove it to 'em, facts and all
Of base 2 payment, I'm a claimant! (sits and waits for axe to fall)
CLASS:
In short, in matters taxtical, his math: their wrath: impractical
Though factical; didactical; his mind is mega-wacktical!
[An awed student approaches the Professor shyly, and asks:]
Can you do that again, in base 17?
[The Professor looks at the conductor, and requests:]
Maestro, pass my calculator, s'il vous plait
[repeat the entire song with all numbers converted to base 17,
followed by a blaring chorus of 1FB votes]
(guess what that converts to from base 17 to our "base 10", or decimal, system?)
[1] "Hyperbolic" = greatly exaggerated, from "hyperbole"; and also describing the algebraic/geometric curve, the hyperbola.
[2] "parable" (moral tale); "parabola" (another geometric curve)
[3] One single-meaning clarification: Not the animal-rights organization PETA, which of course the turtle would support -- Treat those sheep better! I care about them! -- , but the prefix, peta- = quadrillion. (1 petabyte = 1,000,000,000,000,000 bytes.)
© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com
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User Comments Follow...
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More bravissimo Gilbert and Sullivan! Also, I suspect that you actually PERFORM many of your Major General parodies and others. Hail Turtle! ;D
~
T's got that scary--very--logi-lexi-cal mentality
Enhanced by a chelony-play'ah's ewe'phone-mewesicality
This pacin' ace, with math debases foes of rationality
Is owed his due--for thru and through our Yertle's trewe regality!
In short in matters schlock n' awe, I bow before this 'Spock of Ha'
Our reigning major mentat who has never stuffed his alge'bra!
~
T's got that scary--very--logi-lexi-cal mentality
Enhanced by a chelony-play'ah's ewe'phone-mewesicality
This pacin' ace, with math debases foes of rationality
Is owed his due--for thru and through our Yertle's trewe regality!
In short in matters schlock n' awe, I bow before this 'Spock of Ha'
Our reigning major mentat who has never stuffed his alge'bra!
~
This is a great parody that reminds me how much of a pain math is. You're still the very model of a super awesome parodist! 555
Mathematically awesome parody, Tommy! As usual, math and I don't seem to be getting along. Don't know how I passed calculus with a B, though! A petabyte, eh! First time I heard, but very informative as your footnotes! Your class seems to be paying lots of attention in class, especially giving very plausible explanations in math. You sure know how to get through to them! You put on quite a performance as always, Turtle! Your students scored 555% on their math exams!
Turtle Whacks with the hard sell finish - I almost lost it when Octo-mom turned into kilo-mom. For those non geekish readers the decimal numeral 8 is converted to 1000 in binary. But can Professor Turteral do the same with IP addressing, sub netting, ARP, RARP, EIGRP, MAC addressing? - Oh you kind of did MACs since they are Hex numbers. Oh yeah what about Roman Numerals? Can ya do it in those? How did the Romans ever build all that stuff like the Roman Coliseum and the Roman Aqueducts when all they had to do math with was some letters - they never figured out the concept of zero. So how did they build all that stuff?
I have enough geek in me to have completely understood and thus have greatly appreciated your sublime effort, Professor Turteral. IMHO this is the very best MG parody I have ever had the pleasure of reading.
So readers if you learn anything from this parody learn this - when offering bids or payment convert the amount to binary, give that number to the recipient and then when they take it to the bank convert the binary number back to decimal - thus a $100,000 tip for a hooker converted back to decimal becomes $32.00 - when collecting debt determine the amount in decimal, convert it to binary and put the binary value on the invoice. So the purchaser thinks $32.00 but the bill says $100,000. Then you do the math for them and how can they argue with math?
Pythagoras, Claudius Ptolemy, Archimedes of Syracuse and Aristotle would all spin in their collective graves if anyone argued with your mathematic logic. So now someone get the pay czar to read this parody, ah - never mind - he wouldn't understand it. But if he could and would then the debt would be gone in nano seconds and there are more nano seconds within one second then there are seconds in 30 (decimal) years. Fantastic write Professor Turteral. I'm voting in several base number systems - 1053, 22B, 1000101011
I have enough geek in me to have completely understood and thus have greatly appreciated your sublime effort, Professor Turteral. IMHO this is the very best MG parody I have ever had the pleasure of reading.
So readers if you learn anything from this parody learn this - when offering bids or payment convert the amount to binary, give that number to the recipient and then when they take it to the bank convert the binary number back to decimal - thus a $100,000 tip for a hooker converted back to decimal becomes $32.00 - when collecting debt determine the amount in decimal, convert it to binary and put the binary value on the invoice. So the purchaser thinks $32.00 but the bill says $100,000. Then you do the math for them and how can they argue with math?
Pythagoras, Claudius Ptolemy, Archimedes of Syracuse and Aristotle would all spin in their collective graves if anyone argued with your mathematic logic. So now someone get the pay czar to read this parody, ah - never mind - he wouldn't understand it. But if he could and would then the debt would be gone in nano seconds and there are more nano seconds within one second then there are seconds in 30 (decimal) years. Fantastic write Professor Turteral. I'm voting in several base number systems - 1053, 22B, 1000101011
I'll let you and Guy do the math, but quite a write
Excellent. I voted 1 (in quinquemiliaquinquagintaquinquecimal).
On a side note... you wouldn't be related to Howard Wolowitz, would you? ;)
quinquemiliaquinquagintaquinquecimal? WTF?
They say you *can* indeed fool all of the people some of the time (it's twue!-- or 10...). As for me, I buy nary a word of it. :D
Well, OK... I really do. 555!!!!!!!!!
Well, OK... I really do. 555!!!!!!!!!
WOW! 0101 0101 0101
Well done. And if you're that good at math, you should have no trouble counting cards. (Don't worry about hitting that soft 17, it only hurts for a little while)
Old Man Ribber: Many thanks, but as turtles have no voice and therefore can't sing, I don't perform these, though a few have been professionally produced and syndicated to about 700 radio stations. Thanks for v/c,OMR
TJC: I've been outdone ... hey, think ya could finish that off? Great parody! -- great comment. Thanks, Major friend and General great guy.
DJ Blaze: I guess if we don't like something, it's a pain. I *like* math, but then, I'm weird. Don't ask me to do household repairs, though -- they're a pain :-) Thanks for "Blazing-ly" awesome vote and comment!
Christie Marie M: The lady protests too much, methinks. (Hamlet). Even taking Calculus, much less getting a B, sounds like you and math got along pretty well! Thanks for v/c!
Guy: By slave labor, just like today.... No problem with IPs, etc., since at the bottom, *everything* is either "on" or "off" electrically, i. e., a 0 or 1, which are the only things computers can read, store, and transmit at their heart, right? And hex is just a way of shortening a binary number, both for space and easier human readability. 01000000001001100011001100110010 is a little hard on the eyes. 40263332 is a bit easier, no?
btw, I used to do a party trick as follows: After pinging a site to get the IP, I'd convert the octets into their true binary form, as above (the IP of www.amiright.com). Then copy/paste the 32-bit number into the browser, and presto -- you'd be taken to AmIRight. Or 01000000001001100011001100110010, which is another cool place. It used to work in IE 5.x. But it doesn't work any more, even after disabling the "fixup" in Firefox that automatically appends www and .com if the address doesn't hit. Haven't used IE in so long, don't even know how to disable that, but in IE6, it did seem to try the 32-bit address, and couldn't find it. Has something changed at the ISP, internet router, or other level, that would explain why this doesn't work any more?
"very best MG"? Considering not only the number, but the quality of most of the writers who do this monster, you humble me, Sir. Thanks for the senary, octal, and binary VVV!
AFW: No problem :) Thanks for v/c, and glad you enjoyed even without the math.
Adam Eccleshall: It's a mystery why the quinquemiliaquinquagintaquinquecimal system isn't taught in our schools and used more, especially here at AIR. (Think about it -- suddenly a 1 is no longer a bad thing!)... Wolowitz: DK, so looked it up. While I *am* overtly sexual and disgusting, I don't live with my mother, so, uh, no... but thanks for the comparison! ... also, no engineering background, although I once drove a Diesel locomotive (true). Thanks for v/c.
Pythagoras: Base 555.
La Fid Le' Girl: twue, it was 10, according to Lily! See -- it really does work out! (great pun, btw) .... Glad you bought it. When do I get my 100,000 dollars? ... thanks for v/c, fg :)
John Barry: Almost four years on site, and I do believe that's the first WOW! fron JAB -- quite a compliment from one who's provided many wows himself over the years. Thanks, John.
blackjack21: I have no trouble whatsoever counting cards; I've done it many times. There are 52, plus the jokers. :) thanks for v/c, and as mentioned, gambling in general, and going against casinos particularly, isn't my thing, but I did take $1,000 of play money and run it into half a million at online poker, before the US Gummint, in its Infinite Wisdom, chose to run off most of the online sites (a rider attached to a Port Security bill -- typical US politics. You wanna talk math -- hold'em, it's all math, esp. online, where there are fewer (but *not* zero) tells ... surprised you're not into poker as well. Thanks for v/c. 64.38.51.50 01000000 00100110 00110011 00110010 01000000001001100011001100110010 216.92.110.5 11011000010111000110111000000101
TJC: I've been outdone ... hey, think ya could finish that off? Great parody! -- great comment. Thanks, Major friend and General great guy.
DJ Blaze: I guess if we don't like something, it's a pain. I *like* math, but then, I'm weird. Don't ask me to do household repairs, though -- they're a pain :-) Thanks for "Blazing-ly" awesome vote and comment!
Christie Marie M: The lady protests too much, methinks. (Hamlet). Even taking Calculus, much less getting a B, sounds like you and math got along pretty well! Thanks for v/c!
Guy: By slave labor, just like today.... No problem with IPs, etc., since at the bottom, *everything* is either "on" or "off" electrically, i. e., a 0 or 1, which are the only things computers can read, store, and transmit at their heart, right? And hex is just a way of shortening a binary number, both for space and easier human readability. 01000000001001100011001100110010 is a little hard on the eyes. 40263332 is a bit easier, no?
btw, I used to do a party trick as follows: After pinging a site to get the IP, I'd convert the octets into their true binary form, as above (the IP of www.amiright.com). Then copy/paste the 32-bit number into the browser, and presto -- you'd be taken to AmIRight. Or 01000000001001100011001100110010, which is another cool place. It used to work in IE 5.x. But it doesn't work any more, even after disabling the "fixup" in Firefox that automatically appends www and .com if the address doesn't hit. Haven't used IE in so long, don't even know how to disable that, but in IE6, it did seem to try the 32-bit address, and couldn't find it. Has something changed at the ISP, internet router, or other level, that would explain why this doesn't work any more?
"very best MG"? Considering not only the number, but the quality of most of the writers who do this monster, you humble me, Sir. Thanks for the senary, octal, and binary VVV!
AFW: No problem :) Thanks for v/c, and glad you enjoyed even without the math.
Adam Eccleshall: It's a mystery why the quinquemiliaquinquagintaquinquecimal system isn't taught in our schools and used more, especially here at AIR. (Think about it -- suddenly a 1 is no longer a bad thing!)... Wolowitz: DK, so looked it up. While I *am* overtly sexual and disgusting, I don't live with my mother, so, uh, no... but thanks for the comparison! ... also, no engineering background, although I once drove a Diesel locomotive (true). Thanks for v/c.
Pythagoras: Base 555.
La Fid Le' Girl: twue, it was 10, according to Lily! See -- it really does work out! (great pun, btw) .... Glad you bought it. When do I get my 100,000 dollars? ... thanks for v/c, fg :)
John Barry: Almost four years on site, and I do believe that's the first WOW! fron JAB -- quite a compliment from one who's provided many wows himself over the years. Thanks, John.
blackjack21: I have no trouble whatsoever counting cards; I've done it many times. There are 52, plus the jokers. :) thanks for v/c, and as mentioned, gambling in general, and going against casinos particularly, isn't my thing, but I did take $1,000 of play money and run it into half a million at online poker, before the US Gummint, in its Infinite Wisdom, chose to run off most of the online sites (a rider attached to a Port Security bill -- typical US politics. You wanna talk math -- hold'em, it's all math, esp. online, where there are fewer (but *not* zero) tells ... surprised you're not into poker as well. Thanks for v/c. 64.38.51.50 01000000 00100110 00110011 00110010 01000000001001100011001100110010 216.92.110.5 11011000010111000110111000000101
AJ21: sorry about that string at the end. Copy/paste error... puters, fine; math, fine; but there's always the human factor -- or, in this case, the "flipper factor" (i. e., "klutz."
Strictly speaking, I think my response should have been "10" (that'll learn me to spend so long making up bases that I forget to do the actual maths). :)
By strange coincidence, it looks like I'm having to do some work in base 62 in the near future... how brilliantly well timed your parody was for me :)
As a computer programmer, who started by learning Assembler language, it gave me shivers to see these 1's & 0's come up again. But as for the parody, it had a nice "byte" to it!!
Adam: For once, I took your word for it without ASCII-ng..... yeah must be ESPN... and I'm sure URLatest project will succeed.
Mark Scotti: You and Steve Gibson! ... does *anyone* program in Assembler anymore? lol. Drink your Java as you write your script, so that you can see sharp :) Thanks for your python-like wit in that perl of a comment, and I am so glad that you could dig-it-al(l). ... maybe someday, if I get into Barry-mode, I'll try to do 300 parodies of "I Put A Hex On You".
Mark Scotti: You and Steve Gibson! ... does *anyone* program in Assembler anymore? lol. Drink your Java as you write your script, so that you can see sharp :) Thanks for your python-like wit in that perl of a comment, and I am so glad that you could dig-it-al(l). ... maybe someday, if I get into Barry-mode, I'll try to do 300 parodies of "I Put A Hex On You".
Glad you referred me to this one. The rhyming was amazing. 5s. PS: You have my vote for the most intelligent Turtle on the planet. xD
Silver Power: Thanks! Glad you didn't take the plug the wrong way. And wow! -- smartest turtle on the planet ... but given the competition, that's not saying much, is it? :D :D :D
I've done this OS, for which massive internal rhyming is a "requirement", three other times, but one plug a day is enough. I think you can find them on my author page with a search, if you were so inclined. Thanks for stopping by, and for the nice vote and comment.
I've done this OS, for which massive internal rhyming is a "requirement", three other times, but one plug a day is enough. I think you can find them on my author page with a search, if you were so inclined. Thanks for stopping by, and for the nice vote and comment.
I forgot to say... I checked out your Geocities website, and you look just adorable in those pictures! Lol.
LOL! :D ... unfortunately, they're closing down Geocities free hosting next month (October), and I'm not gonna pay for it, so will have to see about getting it hosted by my ISP or something. Glad you enjoyed! .. thanks for taking the time to go there and come back here.
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The Best of Gilbert O'Sullivan album at Amazon.com
