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Song Parodies -> "Frosty, The 'Snow' Man"

Original Song Title:

"Frosty, The Snowman"

Original Performer:

Gene Autry

Parody Song Title:

"Frosty, The 'Snow' Man"

Parody Written by:

Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

OS "Frosty, The Snowman" was a response to "Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer". When songwriters Jack Nelson and Steve Rollins saw what success Gene Autry was having singing Rudolph's song in 1949, they decided to write their own silly-but-catchy song doing variations on an icon of Christmas. It took them months to decide on a living snowman as their subject, but they still had it ready in time for a 1950 release. Autry, delighted with the opportunity to ride his own recording's coattails back to the top of the charts, recorded it, and the rest, as they say, is history.

So naturally we, too, wanted to ride our own coattails (or turtle-tails), and to accompany today's parody of "Rudolph" with this one.

Frosty, the “Snow” Man, leaned against a street light pole
An antenna pipe and a bit of crack:
You could buy a “rock” ‘n roll!
Frosty, the Snow Man: fresh Colombian each day
Product from Peru; luggage: smuggled through; brings it into USA

There's millions in that magic sin
It makes the broads abound
Just snort and place it on your "head"
You're the biggest stud around! [1]

So, Frosty, the Snow Man
Was as rich as he could be
Since it's "not OK", there's no tax to pay [2]
Leaving more for you and me

Bumpitty hump rump
Thumpetty: jump rump
Look at Frosty go
Sucking each chump; dump --
-- Tons of dough, plump, thump
Paying big bills for "snow"

Frosty, the Snow Man, knew the "heat" was out that day
So he stashed a ton and he hid his gun
So to not get put away
Careful of spillage, [3]
'Cause the fumes, thick, feel so grand
Sells without a care to peeps ev'rywhere
'Spite of 1914 ban [4]

They took him down: he sold a pound --
-- To undercover cop
As they fired, caused a ruckus when --
-- It went, "Snap!" Crack'll pop! [5]

So Frosty, the Snow Man
For a while, disappears
"By my lawyer's soul
"I will make parole
"And be out in 'couple years”

Humpitty hump hump
Prison yard: jump chump
Frosty’s turn to "blow"...
Back at the street light
Dealers, replete: night
Selling refills of "snow" [6]




[1] Like all other fooTnoTes, this one is dull, boring, pedantic, and not worth reading, so skip it.

Cocaine, like other members of the "caine" family -- Novocaine (dental anaesthetic), Benzocaine (local painkiller, e. g., for sunburn or burns), Lidocaine, Michael Caine, Candy Caine, etc. -- is a local anaesthetic, reducing all sensation in the area in which applied to the skin. But inhaled or smoked, it is a powerful stimulant (increases both dopamine, the "pleasure hormone", or "neurotransmitter", and norepinephrine, the "energy hormone"). So if you both inhale it and put a wee touch on your not-so-wee- ..... Do the math. (Result: The "Caine" Mutiny :-). Hint: Those four-hour-long things that the E.D. commercials always warn you about? Hah! See Lionel Ritchie's song, "All Night Long".

See? Told ya it wasn't worth reading. (From diligent study only, not personal knowledge.)

[2] [soapbox] One more downside of other-than-alcohol Prohibition: The vast amount of tax revenue lost by driving the business underground, leaving more tax for us peons to pay. [/soapbox ... sorry.]

[3] At about USD $3,000 per ounce ($110 per gram) throughout most of the US and Europe, hitting a record high in New Zealand of more than USD $700/g ($20,000/oz), uh, no, nobody wants to spill any. (cf. Woody Allen's famous sneeze in 1977 flic "Annie Hall", said to be unscripted, but kept in for the resulting laughs. Trivia: Co-star Diane Keaton's real name is Diane Hall, and her nickname was "Annie".)

See? *Told ya* they're not worth reading.

[4] This isn't boring, it's *too disgusting* to read: Racism was a factor in the banning of cocaine.

"In 1914, Dr. Christopher Koch of Pennsylvania’s State Pharmacy Board made the racial innuendo explicit, testifying that, “Most of the attacks upon the white women of the South are the direct result of a cocaine-crazed Negro brain.” Mass media manufactured an epidemic of cocaine use among African Americans in the Southern United States to play upon racial prejudices of the era, though there is little evidence that such an epidemic actually took place. In the same year, the Harrison Narcotics Tax Act outlawed the sale and distribution of cocaine in the United States. This law incorrectly referred to cocaine as a narcotic, and the misclassification passed into popular culture. As stated above, cocaine is a stimulant, not a narcotic."

Geez, can't the Governement get *anything* right? ... and these idiots who don't know the difference between a narcotic and a stimulant are the ones to whom we're supposed to entrust our health care?

[5] "Crack cocaine" is a solid, smokable form of cocaine that can be made using baking soda. The onomatopoeic name comes from the cracking sound made by impurities when the stuff is heated. (or "popping" sound; hence the Rice Krispies™ reference)

[6] With that kind of money involved? Bet on it. (Arrest one, and ... )

For anyone interested, the same arguments were made against cannabis prohibition in this parody and that one.

Rice Krispies ® Kellogg NA Co. All else © 2010 Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 1
 0
 
 3   2
 0
 2
 
 4   0
 1
 0
 
 5   9
 9
 9
 

User Comments

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AFW - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Also fantastic...Wasn't sure if you meant "Frosty" here..as the snowman character, or a human drug pusher...but either way..it's good....and great story...liked the line.."Knew the heat was out that day"
adagio - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Looks as if you've got a theme going today. All hooked on something or being 'shady' characters.
Mark Scotti - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
The winter "cartel"! "Dealing" you fives...
Patrick - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Funny song, history lesson, political commentary, all rolled into one. What more could one ask for on a free internet site. The ban on opium was a reflection of prejudice against the Chinese. Assault rifles were around for 100 years. The so-called ban came about when the price came down to where working class white men could afford them. Switchblade knives were more menacing on the movie screens than on the streets, most real ones were little more than nail files and letter openers. Saturday Night Special is short for "N-word" Saturday Night, a time when Blacks were alleged to go on murder sprees. Under the influence of pot, of course. One would think that with so many former(?) dopers now in "high" office that a truce would be called in the no-win war on drugs. But, as I noted many years ago, power is the greatest "trip" of all.
TJC - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Look what FG n' TT pulled outta their old silk hat! Too funny, guys! Yer re-purposing' of that beloved corner snowman is great (believe the 'hype')--and those fooTnoTes just Frost(y)ing on the coca cake! And with all the verbal (n' literal) kerosine involved here, no wonder it's inflammatory!

Fiveity five fives, Fiveity five fives...
Old Man Ribber - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Like wow, Frosty. Are you sure you're ok, man? Your eyes look like lumps of coal. What are you smoking in that corncob pipe? ;D
Christie Marie M - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Oh, I get it, "Snow" man! LOL!! Very addicting parody, TT and FG. (I don't take drugs, BTW). Nice to see you write again! Ditto on TJC's comment! As usual, informative footnotes and creative punchlines! Now this song is laced with 5's!
Tommy Turtle - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
AFW: The latter, with a pun on the former.... and thanks again for ultra-"high" v/c!

adagio: Expect more of "two related songs per posting day". We're kinda' likin' the concept. Thanks for v/c.

Mark Scotti: Congrats on raising the "Esco-bar" on your "Jung-ian" pun levels! (Not the psychologist, but the smuggling kingpin in 2001 flic, "Blow". Must-see, if haven't.) I hereby "Depp-utize" you as chief commenter! (same reference)

Patrick: Amen. Well-said, Sir -- and the closing line was killer - far more killer than the demonized substances. Oh heck, might as well throw in a table of risks at the end. Thanks for v and highly-insightful c!

TJC: Thankety thank thanks, thankety thank thanks.... :)

Old Man Ribber: See? See? It's prejudice against black-eyed people! (LOL! Thanks for v/c!

Christie Marie M: Yep, you got it! (Must be contagious -- watch out for FG/TT parodies, wink ;).
I don't use illicit drugs either ... and thanks for the opportunity to make that statement, since I, like Patrick, have advocated the end of the we-all-lose War On Drugs, in numerous parodies.

Anyone Who Is Interested: As I write this, the Discovery Channel is showing a documentary called "Drug Nation". I got this much roughly transcribed before coming back here:

"Each year, Americans spend 10 billion dollars a year on heroin. It's not new. Over 3000 years ago, people in Mesopotamia (ancient Persia, Babylon, Fertile Crescent, all that stuff - TT) discovered that cutting open a poppy seed" ... etc."

In the course of research, found this table of leading causes of death in the US:

Annual Causes of Death in the United States

Tobacco .............................................. 435,000
Poor Diet and Physical Inactivity ........... 365,000
Alcohol ................................................ 85,000
Microbial Agents (Viruses, flu, etc.) ........ 75,000
Toxic Agents (pesticides, etc.) ............... 55,000
Adverse Reactions to Prescription Drugs .. 32,000
Motor Vehicle Crashes ........................... 26,347 I think 40,000 is more accurate -- TT.
Suicide .................................................. 30,622 Alcohol a factor in many -- TT
Incidents Involving Firearms ..................... 29,000 Alcohol a factor in many -- TT
Homicide 20,308 Alcohol a factor in about half of them -- TT
Sexual Behaviors ................................... 20,000 Alcohol impedes judgment....
*All Illicit Drug Use, Direct and Indirect* ... 17,000
Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs Such As Aspirin, Ibuprofen, Etc. 7,600 About equal to deaths from cocaine. (!!!)
Marijuana 0 by itself (without other drugs involved) -- TT

Seem like our priorities are a bit, uh, "misplaced". Thanks again to all for v/c.
CMM @ TT - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks for the info, TT! Very plausible and statistical. When/What time (if tonight) is "Drug Nation" going to premiere?
TT @ CMM - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment
You're quite welcome. I always like to support my opinions with those weird things called "facts", though that hasn't been a popular option for most people.

As per the first reply, the Discovery Channel documentary was on while I was posting the previous reply. However, they very frequently repeat such things, and I also got the impression that this was just one episode in a series, this one being on heroin. (History Channel also did a series on illicit drugs, one drug at a time.)

So, look up DC's schedule on their web site. I'm sure you can find when the next episodes will be. Thanks again for your interest.
Red Ant - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment
It's been many years since I heard this song in its entirety, but I trust ya on the pacing. =) Good parody though, and I couldn't agree more on the sentiments expressed within. One foot note of my own though: the Harrison Tax Act of 1914 was by all means racially motivated, however it was not an outright ban on drugs - even the CSA of 1970 didn't outright ban cocaine. lol@ Michael and Candy Caine. The war on drugs is now a forty year policy failure for the US. The spending for it has increased every single year, while the results. . . speak for themselves.
Fiddlegirl - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment
I don't think I can add much to TT's commenst, so...Many thanks to AFW, adagio, Mark Scotti, Patrick (wise comments, as usual), TJC (TT's always pulling something out of his silks ;) ) , OMR, CMM, and Red Ant (agree with you that things haven't worked out quite so well on that front.)
Kristof Robertson - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment
This was a total TRIUMPH, guys! As has been said before, LOL funny, plus a bit of history and commentary thrown into the mix. Just FAB! 555
Tommy Turtle - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Red Ant: Patrick, you, and I should be sending the link to Congress... and while FG was, as usual, too modest to mention it, the comic relief to the T-notes (Mike & Candy; Caine Mutiny) were hers. ... As TT wrote in another parody about Nixon's War on Drugs:"Nixon lost. Drugs won." :) Thanks for v/c!

Kristof Robertson: Thanks -- and how did you know that my first car was a Triumph (Spitfire)? lol. ..... Thanks for v/c!

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