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Song Parodies -> "No Football At Christmas"

Original Song Title:

"Nuttin' For Christmas"

Original Performer:

Barry Gordon

Parody Song Title:

"No Football At Christmas"

Parody Written by:

Old Man Ribber

The Lyrics

Last year's AFC North Division champion Cincinnati Bengals are now two and eleven! This brings back terrifying memories of the "lost decade" of the 1990's, during which the Bengals did not post a single winning season. Those not from Cincinnati still should get the jokes...especially about tight-fisted clueless owner Mike Brown. I'm aware that some lines are getting repeated frequently (as in the original). Finally, thank Heaven that writing about football doesn't have the same rules as playing the game...I'd be penalized fifteen yards for "piling on"! ;D

We'll have no football at Christmas!
Cin-cinnati's out of luck.
We'll have no football at Christmas!
The Bengals got hit by a truck!

At two and one they started well,
Somebody shoot me please!
And then the season went to hell.
Spare me from this disease!
For Palmer forgot how to throw,
Chad just cares about his show -
Reasons why the Bengals blow!
Somebody shoot me please!

This year the Bengals are unmade.
No playoffs in Cincy town.
Here comes another lost decade
Because of that jackass Mike Brown!

The owner won't care if they win,
Somebody shoot HIM please!
As long as he still rakes it in.
Somebody break his knees!
Mike knows noth-ing about football.
He sure is not his father Paul.
We'll still have U.K. basketball
To watch on our T.V.s!

We'll have no football at Christmas!
Once more the playoffs are missed.
We'll have no football at Christmas!
And once more T.O.'s getting p*ssed!

So we'll suck it all up - wait 'til next year,
And in the spring - the Reds will be here.
Forget playoffs
(Voice of Jim Mora: Playoffs? PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS????)
At Christmas!

Strange but sad and true...the last Cincinnati major league team to win a game was the baseball REDS back in the first week of October! ;D

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

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Wild Child JIN - December 13, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm not much of a sports fan, but I guess since the Bengals got hit by a truck, they might be watching the New York Jets play from their hospital beds on their television sets this Christmas. LOL! ;-D Great Parody! 555!
Michael Pacholek - December 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Punishment for Cincinnatians electing John Boehner, perhaps? Okay, cheap shot... but then, so is Mike Brown. I still remember Marv Albert, then of WNBC-Channel 4, asking his fellow "News4New York" reporters who they wanted in Super Bowl XVI, and Sue Simmons -- still there, but then as new to the station as the stripes were to the Bengals' helmets -- and she said Cincinnati. Why, Marv asked. "Because their helmets knock me out." She's also a Mets fan, and probably still hates the Reds over Pete Rose vs. Bud Harrelson in the 1973 Playoffs. But never mind Ken Anderson, Anthony Munoz, Cris Collinsworth (he was a terrific receiver, kids) and Reggie Williams: Their helmets knocked her out! I hope she bet on the Bengals, because they lost that one. Cheer up, OMB, at least Ohio State beat Michigan again!

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