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Song Parodies -> "Can't Speak"

Original Song Title:

"Don't Speak"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

No Doubt

Parody Song Title:

"Can't Speak"

Parody Written by:

Mari Aranoff

The Lyrics

Having the flu sucks, but having the flu with laryngitis sucks big time! Ever since I lost my voice (it is much better now, though), one song has been going through my head, so it had to be parodied.
This is bad
I thought I had recovered
But I'm not recovered at all
I had the flu, but now it's laryngitis
When talking, something's very ... amiss
I'm home alone, can't use the phone
Cause when I call I sound obscene or stoned

Can't speak
No one hears what I'm stating
It's so damned frustrating
My voice has no real use
Can't speak
Couldn't be worse timing
I'm no good at miming
And I sound like a goose

I say hello
And I sound oh, so squeaky
I'm now mistaken for a door that's creaky
It's not fair, I have no prayer
And sometimes all that comes out is dead air

Can't speak
No one hears what I'm stating
It's so damned frustrating
My voice has no real use
Can't speak
Couldn't be worse timing
I'm no good at miming
And I sound like a moose

How I do hurt!
But I can do Rod Stewart impressions

[guitar solo drowns out the "vocalist's" attempts]

Wheeze and cough
You giggle and I flip you off

Can't speak
I've tried for days and days now
Exploring many ways now
My voice has no real use (croak, croak, croak)
Can't speak
I stay within the four walls
With glands as big as baseballs
Still trying to shake it loose
And feeling quite obtuse

No one hears what I'm saying
I'm whining and I'm braying
Can't speak,
Can't speak,
Can't speak,
It's some small consolation
I'm on strong medication

This is so bad
This is so bad
This is really bad

Oh, pf pf pf pf pf pf nn nn nn nn nn nn
Can't, can't... Unh! Unh!

Lozenge now, pleeeeeeeze!
RAD & MAD (Rick Duncan and me) have a new original song on Soundclick -- website

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   16
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 16
 

User Comments

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Paul Robinson - August 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Mari D - here's some opening parody lyrics in reply: Mari D / Sorry that you're ailing / Sad to hear that your voice is failing -- OK that's all you get for now. I have to get a move on - taking a friend in for Medical test and must be in the Valley at 10:45 to take him to his appointment. Check your e-mail, they'll be more to those modest parody beginnings... I'll vote on your piece later...Take care...
Ashkicksass - August 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Mari, I feel so bad for you! But I am very pleased that you could use your pain to amuse all of us. I especially loved "You giggle and I flip you off!"
The Thought Police - August 23, 2004 - Report this comment
I laugh with your pain,not at it! Now take 555 of my best wishes for a speedy recovery and call me in the morning !
Adagio - August 23, 2004 - Report this comment
I feel for you being sick, Mari, but you certainly write funny ones when you are. So I laugh at the parody, not you (don't want to be flipped off...lol). I started losing it and laughing big time at this part:
I'm home alone, can't use the phone
Cause when I call I sound obscene or stoned

I went downhill from there. Please enter this in some contest! 5's
John Barry - August 23, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but I especially like the Rod Stewart line.
Arwen - August 23, 2004 - Report this comment
I think if I ever got sick enough that I could not talk, I would kill myself. Just so you all know.

Oh wait, this about your parody, Mari! It's FAB, darling...5s, of course...and my favorite line was

"Cause when I call I sound obscene or stoned"
Billy Florio - August 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Now here's something to talk about! ...sorry, had to do it...5-5-5
Paul Robinson - August 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Silent Mari D - Well, finally got back from the Valley a little while ago. This was really good...I don't suppose you would sing it for us now, would you? Hmmm...I'd better toss some of these "fives" at you and duck after that remark...
Johnny D - August 24, 2004 - Report this comment
I've had laryngitis, so I know what you're going through.....I hope you're singin' up a silly-storm again real soon at your weekly open-mike!

Your story reminds me of a story that Sir Sean Connery (of James Bond fame) told on a talk-show awhile back. Sean said that his doctor had advised him not to speak for a while (I don't recall why, perhaps to get over laryngitis or to help heal something in his throat/windpipe), so Sean started carrying a notepad on which he wrote a brief note saying something like "Can't speak". Sean said that when people would start a conversation with him, he would take out that little note and show it to them as a way of politely explaining to them why he was not talking....he said that when he did that, people would express sympathy and then suddenly start talking to him REALLY, REALLY LOUD, thinking that he must be having trouble with his hearing!
Mari D - August 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul, Ash, Thought, Adagio, John, Arwen, Billy, Paul, Johnny: Thanks for the kudos and good wishes. Arwen: Yeah, it was frustrating as hell, but it got me into other head spaces. Also, when I was onstage and unable to sing, it made me be creative in ways that really worked!
Yet Another Dutchman - August 27, 2005 - Report this comment
Hila -COUGH- rious.

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