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Song Parodies -> "He’s a Pest!"

Original Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Original Performer:

Disney's Beauty and the Beast

Parody Song Title:

"He’s a Pest!"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

With this effort, I have finally done each of the Big 7 at least once.
He’s a pest, he’s a pest.
Pudding slurping, room is messed.
Flying napkins hit the deck, ah me!
I am poorly impressed.
Soup he’ll pour
On the floor.
Guy, make-me-livid scourge,
An outré lug.
What my wish is:
That he would sleep with the fishes.
His breath stinks. . .fishy rank
He appalls. . .piss on the tank.
And the shitter is unflushed, as you’ll have guessed. . .
Goes on the floor in men’s room,
Stains on pants in bedroom.
He’s a pest,
Really pest,
He’s a pest.

Beef ragout
Pan soufflé. . .
Match is lit, then pants flambé;
In my pear schnapps is his hair.
It’s “gas”stronomy gone astray.
Gnaws a bone,
Nostrils flared;
On the banquette we are aired.
We are gloomy and complaining
As his flat’ fare come a-raining.
No one smokes, or flicks Bics
To light waiting candle wicks
For fear fire will burn and waste
Our rancid fete,
’cause from that rift in ass
Passes flammable gas.
Can’t he arrest
Vents that smelling sense have stressed?

He’s a pest! [3x]

When it’s curry he’ll ingest,
We will pay for that entrée
At it gives way to what’s compressed. . .
Predecessor of poop.
The goon’s too loose—oops! the goop!!
Must retreat now from this dinner!

He licks what’s left off the china,
Such as pork, yams, and veal.
Ghastly scenter, wasted meal.
It ain’t any fun when manners have regressed
To where one shouts an “oink” snort
Then vents for a retort.

Oh, he’s a pest! He’s a pest.
Chicken breast he will wrest
From your plate, and then it’s fressed.
He will gorge, his maw a forge.

I guess you’ve guessed that I suggest:
His moniker starts with P,
Next in line, the letter E;
’twixt R and T, in I’m shoein’
S, which starts name of that bruin
Who warns us about hot
Matches. . .then the forest’s shot.

Now I’ve put some orthography to the test—
Four-letter word ensues;
This mal mot gives the blues.
The word is PEST;
He’s a pest. . . !

Rhin Schwein, he’s unnerving;
He’s a scourge with fingers curving
Into a sole. . .eats like a troll, etiquette gone.
Needless to say, he is tactless, boozeful,
Starting each day at the crack of dawn.
On his cheeks is crusting
(Don’t mean those used for porn thrusting)
Mincemeat—dried-on pies; some lamb juice that did spill.
There’s also traces of Chateaubriand. . .
Ghastly fat that’s crazing,
A glaze appliquéd from grazing.

He’s a pest, he’s a pest
Reprimands, a moot request.
Next there’s fears he’ll slurp a heavy-bodied beer,
What is ingressed
With his meal will release
In a stream tainted with grease.
As this repast fright is blowing
In our helpings; anger’s growing.
Course by course, bunch of chunks
Is it all out? More kerplunks!
He’s a stinking-offal creep who don’t digest.
A blight. We mop his eats up
Then for us retreats sup.

We have messed
Wie* this pest. . .
Feed’s egressed.


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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Leo Keough - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
I'd hate to be the person who has to go through all your parodies to confirm your Big 7 status!...ROFLMFAO!!!...This was just stupendous!!!...777!!!
Christie Marie M - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Great take on the Big 7!! This is hilarious!! (singing): "He's the Best, Read his rest, John A Barry at his best!" 555!!
AFW - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Very good..halos with humor
Timmy1000 - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Congrats and well done on this one. With all of your parodies, it is surprising that you had not done this OS before (but you may have busy with some others).
Old Man Ribber - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Great hurry with more before the last petal falls from the flower! ;D
unKnownVO - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
. . .. ' tis a strange, strange world you live in, CaptainJack . . . . No hard feelings, but you must restrain your lips from my rack . . .
Lumiere - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Ladys and Gentlemen--I most heartily approve of this parody... And congrats on your septa-perfecta!
Fiddlegirl - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Miss Manners is horrified... yet oddly amused ;)
Guy - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir John - I for sure thought you were already a "Big 7" member in good standing. Oh but you were way too busy writing Screaming Jay Hawkins "I Put a Spell on You" parodies. Congrats on the "Big 7" award. And this parody was a mess - but that is what the effect of the writing intended to do. Well done.
blackjack21 - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
So, you've met my brother-in-law, eh? What a gasser this parody is. Congrats on Big 7, would have thought you'd have made several laps around that track by now! 555 breaches of etiquette.
John Barry - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, everyone!

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