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Song Parodies -> "Valkyries"

Original Song Title:

"Valerie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Steve Winwood

Parody Song Title:

"Valkyries"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

In Norse mythology the Valkyries are minor female deities who served Odin. They chose the most heroic who had died in battle and to carried them off to Valhalla. Contrary to the Wagnerian stereotype, the gruesome, warlike women did not ride winged horses. Their mounts were the packs of wolves that frequented the corpses of dead warriors. The word "valkyrie" comes from the Old Norse "valkyrja" (plural "valkyrur"), from the words "val" (slaughter) and "kyrja" (to choose). Literally the term means choosers of the slain. The German form, "Walk├╝re," was coined by Richard Wagner from Old Norse. Wagner's depictions have led to modern representations of valkyries less as gore-spattered, shrieking, wolf-riding figures in a battle's sky but more commonly as romanticized, pristine white and gold clad figures riding winged horses.
So wild, nostrils flare, wind streaming through their hair,
Depicted in latter-day mythology
So fair of face, in a horse race.
But they were sent by Odin into the fray
To select warriors who were blown away
And take valiants of valor off to Valhalla.

Valkyries, Wagnery; Wagnery Valkyries.
He put Norse gals on horse and nixed lycanthropy.

His songs still cause fright, though, and Bobby Duvall
"Scared the sh!t out of Slopes," with choppers flying,
Wagner's air blasting through a pair
Of speakers spraying "Ride of the Valkyries"
Over jungles--Spectoresque wall of dBs.*
Can't induce fear's pallor with Schubert or Mahler.

------------------------------------------------

Meister slingers of ax are jazzed as they play
Music maniacally, fast, molto forte. . .
Resounds through the halls, shakes the ceilings and walls.**


*Producer Phil Spector's trademark was the Wall of Sound, a production technique yielding a dense, layered effect. To attain this signature sound, Spector assembled large groups of musicians (playing some instruments not generally used for ensemble playing, such as electric and acoustic guitars) playing orchestrated parts--often using many instruments playing in unison--for a fuller sound. Spector called his technique "a Wagnerian approach to rock & roll: little symphonies for the kids."
**A recent Epiphone TV campaign featured various musicians whaling on their guitars and shaking the building with "Ride of the Valkyries," which the Robert Duvall character blasted from his helicopters in "Apocalypse Now."

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Yoidy - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Valkyries, call on me! I'm the same god I used to be. Interesting stuff. 555
Michael Pacholek - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Ring up some fives, but please don't kill de wabbit.
alvin rhodes - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
you write some amazing stuff
John Barry - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, Yoidy, Michael, Alvin.
2Eagle - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Whatever the origin, mythology is still mythology. I like Wagner's version better. It was his music that was so great. It may take a whole column to explain my views, but his harmonic use of dissonance is so effective in describing scenarios in a way words cannot.
John Barry - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Mark Twain: "Wagner's music is better than it sounds."

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