Sometimes a seal is not too
Colourful, he's not too
Wonderful
The good news is there is help at hand
To make him bright
With some nice highlights
Decorating's cool
And I learnt to paint animals at school

Wallpapered a gnu (I did)
Did the whole damn zoo
A painted dove or starling
Is really more aesthetic, darling
Do you want to see my tartan goat?
Painted dove (oh-oh)
Painted dove (oh-oh)

Here's a bear with green and
Purple hair, I'd like to
Do a sloth
I like spots or stripes or maybe both
My rabbit's blue
I've got an orange badger too
Elephants are always grey
But I'm sorry, I don't think that way

Ferrets are much better (they are)
Upholstered in leather
A painted dove or chicken
Is the one that I'd be pickin'
Is that cow available in beige?
Painted dove (oh-oh)
Painted dove (oh-oh)

Don't touch my bees
You see they're drying in the breeze
My giraffe's had a complete respray
Now they're coming to take me away

Painted dove (oh-oh)
Painted dove (oh-oh)
Pink and yellow painted dove
Pink and yellow painted dove
Painted dove!! (rpt)

(Manic laughter, barnyard noises and the sound of sirens to fade..)