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Song Parodies -> "Addicted To Jerks"

Original Song Title:

"Addicted To Love"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Robert Palmer

Parody Song Title:

"Addicted To Jerks"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

An ode to love's (or at least lust's) natural pecking order... which sensitive guys like moi stare up at from the bottom
His lights are on, but no-one's home
He talks... like Sly Stallone
Knives and forks this guy ignores
But unlike me, he always scores

I've got plans; a career
He eats... wax from his ear
Yet every night he's getting play
Although he can't spell T & A...

Whoa, I'd like to think that being smart has its perks... but NO!
I'll tell you all the truth, although the truth really hurts
Too many women that I fancy are addicted to jerks

I like fine wines; Shakespeare, I read
He's into porn... and smoking weed
If it's true that love is blind
Why does she stare at his behind?
(A one-track mind...)

I'm quite annoyed
She likes 'em thick and unemployed
All her cash he will spend
On his best... stripper "friend"

Whoa, behind each corner some big football jock lurks... oh yeah!
He's gonna flash his pecs, he's gonna give her the works
Although she's got an MBA she's still addicted to jerks

Might as well face it, she's addicted to jerks.... (x5)

He loves his guns, and monster trucks
She loves... the way he fu...feels
A lack of brain: no handicap
He's a lap dog... with quite a lap!

Whoa, I see 'em driving in their Hummers and their Mercs (what the...?)
A present from "Miss Tuesday Nighter"; oh man, that irks!
I know he's laughing in my face, that freakin' dickhead-slash-jerk

Might as well face it, she's addicted to jerks.... (x5)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 31

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
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 5   31
 31
 31
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Ain't it the truth. Damn rednecks getting all of the action, while we have to buy more and more DVDs from Rocky's Adult Video.
Lucy Branston's Great-Granddaughter - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
I almost thought for a minute that this was written by one of my college friends from a few years ago. His feelings and frustrations exactly. 555
Rex - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Ah, Kristof, guys like us always wake up one day to the realization that there's a wide gulf between what women SAY they want and what they fu...feel. 555
Arwen - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Love love love it, KR. I like to criticize too many of my friends for their choice of men...but I've also fallen for a jerk or 30 in my time...so I can't be too hard on them...; )
alvin - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
you speak the truth...and very humorously so
Jason - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
That is EXTREMELY true Kristof! You certainly excelled yourself here! I wrote something a bit more surreal for my latest parody! Anyway 555 as always Sir.
TJC - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Excellence abounds, Kristof! 'He\\'s a lap dog... with quite a lap!', my fav among too many to recount 'jerk zingers'!
Ann Hammond - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
love it.
Kristof Robertson - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Ta very much, peeps! Matthias: TMI, dude...TMI. ;-) LBGG: It's a common complaint amongst menfolk Rex: Amen, brother! Arwen: hello, stranger! I won't hold it against you, babe...b ut, a jerk or 30? sheesh...;-) Al: Know the truth, and it shall set you free! Jase: Thanks, matey. I'll check yours out. TJC: awww shucks! Cheers, dude. Ciao!
Yoidy - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Very funny and very true, but I gotta tell ya, it works both ways. Some guys tend to ignore the woman that's good for them and go for the nasty ones instead! 555
Kristof Robertson - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Very true, Yoidy...but I can hardly b!tch about that, can I? ;-) Thanks for the comment
Kristof Robertson - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Ann, thanks a bunch, sweetie!
Phil Alexander - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
I can see Arwen writing "Afflicted by Jerks", somehow... fun stuff, as always, K
PMS - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Loved it!
Below Average Dave - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Kristof. . .Kristof??? What the? Do you ever, I mean ever, write a parody that isn't SOTM material? A lack of brain: no handicap. . .yeah, know lots of those. . .great job.
Cat - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Yoidy speaks the truth, ya know! But this was really great. And if you can magically find yourself a way to age yourself down a decade or two...I'm single and looking, dudes! ;)
Kristof Robertson - April 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Phil, PMS, Dave (surely you jest!) and Miss Cat (it would have to be 20 years!)...I'm astonished by the great response to this; obviously a subject close to many hearts.
stuart mcarthur - April 26, 2007 - Report this comment
omigod, could it be that you're getting even better at this, Kristof? especially loved the tie-ins to the OS's lyrics, the T & A line, and fu...feels - this would make a GREAT recording - 555
Meriadoc - April 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Hmmmm.... I know somebody who is really going to like this one... :-)
Peregrin - April 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Too right Merry. Kristof, a masterpiece. You understand purrrfectly...
Serafina - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Missed this one when it was new...I've been busy. Great work, Kristof. 5-5-5 :)
Agrimorfee - May 10, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) 555 Excellently funny! Why does she like jerks? I think the answer is in line #25. :)
McKludge - May 11, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Preach on, Brother Kristof! I'm still looking for a woman who digs guys who write song parodies.
Max Power - May 15, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Beef jerky
bobpiecheese - May 24, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) That was great! It's hard to expect less from you these days.
stuart mcarthur - May 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) even better on the re-read KR, and what bobpie said - there are always big expectations whenever there's a Kristof parody on New Entries
ARIEL - May 26, 2007 - Report this comment
I accidently stumbled onto this site, and if yours is ANY indication of the talent that resides here, I'll have trouble leaving! Excellent!
Peter Andersson - May 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Just another post to see if the above is a repeating technical error
Peter Andersson - May 27, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Here we go again: Another great Kristof contemplation on love an d its irks!
Raphaella So - May 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) - Commented
Johnny D - May 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Yo, Adrian, gimme some fives for mah friend Kristof.
Jason - May 28, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Once again Kristof gets the lion's share of the 555 votes! Well done.
Michael McVey - May 29, 2007 - Report this comment
This is ABSOLUTELY the truth, and I had to go to South America to find a woman who isn't!!! Arwen, "falling for" a jerk is one thing, but a lot of your countrywomen imo do this ON PURPOSE just to be spiteful, and I have no sympathy for them. At least it was that way where I used to live, and THANK GOD I don't live there anymore!!!
Below Average Dave - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) It was very funny Kristof as usual. . .honestly though--there were some real epic comedies in here that I think are going to get my vote for the month, but you know I love your work.
Sister Amnesia - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Love this! 5-5-5
Mikey Squirrel - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM- Excellent work, Kristof. And so accurate, alot of women do like the jerks. Thank god parodists are nice guys.
Cat - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
wannabemustangjockey - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - How could they not love your superhuman parody writing abilities?
Jack Wilson - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
WTF? I never commented? Now I have! This ruled!
Red Ant - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I echo Jack Wilson's comment. Excellent work to a favorite OS of mine. Best line: "Although he can't spell T & A...". If (when) you record this, please go with your first thought on the line Aggy mentioned. ;) 555
Ethan Mawyer - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This was good, but you already know that. If only SHE cared, right? Security code is SLB...really...like it's got a mind of its own.
Wendy Christopher - October 29, 2007 - Report this comment
I can honestly say that I have never been addicted to any jerks - and if I hadn't gone and got meself married a few years ago I would certainly have fallen for your supreme intelligence and wit, Kristoff! Your abundance of talent leaves me in awe!
Spoof-Man - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Awesome...JUST AWESOME...Pacing perfect!!!

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