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Song Parodies -> "I Just Flattened A Scale With My Fat Ass"

Original Song Title:

"It's The End Of The World As We Know It"

Original Performer:

REM

Parody Song Title:

"I Just Flattened A Scale With My Fat Ass"

Parody Written by:

Matthias

The Lyrics

Gained weight
Cause I ate that cheesecake
Chocolate shakes and candy canes
Now I feel my belt strain…

Diets are inhumane, Can’t munch on small ferns
Since I tore my blue jeans, might taste lima beans
Pepsi Zero I need, binge, purge, eat, blow
Slender due to blenders mixing up Slim Fast, grow vast
Dire fast food buyer, now I won’t eat at Wendy’s
Cause it’s carrots I desire to make fat more slight
Chef whips me up some spicy curry and I worry my tongue will be wrecked

Gain more weight, run on a treadmill, run, scamper, jog
Sweat like it is rain, I’m drenched
Waste dough, Videos: Richard Simmons whatta goof
But I’m still huge, from that shelf, stuff myself
When I tried to smoke weed, it just made me hungry
Tossing out the wrapper and shove candy deep inside, wide
It’s idiotic, need narcotics alright, those might
Burn pounds overnight!

I just flattened the scale with my fat ass
I just flattened the scale with my fat ass
I just flattened the scale with my fat ass
Cause I love to dine!

I’m in shock, it’s a terror, the scale here must have an error
Fat won’t burn, concerned, 15 more pounds returned
I’ll cut out butter popcorn, Thanksgiving stuffing
20 slabs of chocolate cake, maybe then I’ll lose some weight
Hate love handles, and my stomach, I’m down and frown
Skipping meals, lunch, done, gut growl
And still my rear it appears a gigantic large sphere
Once overspent, yes overspent, yes overspent on fries
Those days are illusions, since I clogged my arteries and almost died

I still flatten that scale with my wide butt
(I am not fat I’m just big boned)
I still flatten that scale with my wide butt
(I am not fat I’m just big boned)
I still flatten that scale with my wide butt
(I am not fat I’m just big boned)
I look like a swine

You’ll hear me whine…

I’m as large as a whale just like Shamu
(I think I might be overgrown)
I’m as large as a whale just like Shamu
(I think I might be overgrown)
I’m as large as a whale just like Shamu
(I think I might be overgrown)
Weigh 299

After some time my pants fit right
And I fit through the door outside
Carrot sticks I have dined it made me whine
I tried Atkins cutting carbs
Now see my wang
Had a party, made some cake, had a piece… BOOM!!!
My once erotic, skinny stomach went to pot! Cripes? Cripes!

I will never be thin, let’s just face it
(Liposuction helps implode)
I will never be thin, let’s just face it
(Liposuction helps implode)
I will never be thin, let’s just face it
(Liposuction helps implode)
It won’t last, I’ve tried

I just flattened the scale with my fat ass…
I just flattened the scale with my fat ass…
I just flattened the scale with my fat ass…
(I am not fat I’m just big boned)
I’m too freakin’ wide!

I won’t score with a girl while I’m this size
(So I screw them all by phone)
I won’t score with a girl while I’m this size
(So I screw them all by phone)
I won’t score with a girl while I’m this size
(So I screw them all by phone)
Rod’s too hard to find

I’m forced to munch on apples and carrots
(I wish I could eat a taco)
I’m forced to munch on apples and carrots
(I wish I could eat a taco)
I’m forced to munch on apples and carrots
(I wish I could eat a taco)
El Fatso’s Denied

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 25

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   23
 22
 22
 

User Comments

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Annie Are You Okay? - January 06, 2009 - Report this comment
Annie are you okay...Annie are you okay... :)
Annie - January 06, 2009 - Report this comment
Perfect Score!
Christie Marie M - January 06, 2009 - Report this comment
This reminds me of my parents telling me on how much weight I've gained. I just lost 5 pounds recently, just to gain it back once more. This also reminds me of my fave overweight characters like Cartman, Sherman Klump, Homer, and Peter Griffin. Oh, and also my fave actress Rosie O'Donnell. Anyways, my friend lost 45 pounds in 6 months and looked great. His younger girlfriend got more attracted to him. Anyways, good parody you wrote! You lost 555 pounds.
Andria - January 06, 2009 - Report this comment
I echo Christie Marie, and I give you 5s, Matthias!
Below Average Dave - January 07, 2009 - Report this comment
You took on a real tough one, and have commendable pacing. Overall a very good effort on this one, there are some spots that would be difficult to sing, as I said good pacing, some of the stresses would be very awkward--but in a song like this, it's almost impossible to be perfect--this was easily among the toughest Epic 40 songs, though I'm beginning to learn that there is no way to make a real Epic 40, most of the songs I'm doing just to do now are just as hard if not harder (Ice Ice Baby was much more challenging for me than One Week, though neither one were pushovers or one sit quickies by any stretch.)
Agrimorfee - January 08, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) Excellent work on a tough tune. I'm with Dave, and I would also commend you on the chorus changes, too.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 10, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) I dare say it was the live performance which made it difficult to read this, as your lines and internal rhyming matched brilliantly throughout. Not saying a rapper would have performed it better, but... but a rapper would have performed it better. Epic effort and many laughs, sir.
tomario - January 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Nice job of a difficult song. 555
bobpiecheese - January 19, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages2) Ah, the epic battle between the fat man and the scales. Definitely a tough OS to work with, but you pulled through with flying colours. Well, waddling colours in this case :P 555
Below Average Dave - January 21, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) See my above comment. . .can't add much to my original comment.
Glen S - January 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Wow, epic effort here Matty. Be proud of ths one, which is filled with funny.
Arwen - January 21, 2009 - Report this comment
AGES. Man. Man. Man OH Man. There is no way on EARTH that I would attempt this OS. Props for that alone, but this was great!
Melanie Lee - January 25, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) I found it clever rather than funny, but I give you points for cleverness. Very sharp details. I wonder, though, if you've ever been fat. (I am.) I see empathy or sympathy lacking. Oh well. 5-4-4.
Invisible Boy - January 25, 2009 - Report this comment
As others have said...great pacing and internal rhyming on a very tough OS.
Again...Matty doesn't get the girl...
Matthias - January 25, 2009 - Report this comment
I'll get her one of these days Invisible Boy... One of these days!!!!
Jeff Reuben - January 25, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) Who's Annie? Have to give you credit for taking this one on for the contest. Excellent job!
Silver Power - February 01, 2009 - Report this comment
I could never follow the original, so I looked up there lyrics, and the pacing was on point. It was hilarious, also. I'm giving you 555, to match your weight. xD
Silver Power - February 08, 2009 - Report this comment
[SOTM] See above. Unfortunately, at 16, I've never been over 160 pounds, so I wouldn't know the pain Melanie Lee is talking about. :-\
Claude Prez - February 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Wow, this is really impressive. Not a ton of hilarity, though "I am not fat, I'm just big boned" stood out as a perfect sub. Overall a great job on a song so difficult I've run screaming from it several times.
Max Power - February 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Penutbutter jelly time...
Arwen - February 27, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM...thanks for entering something that is still so fresh in my mind from Ages...it makes my voting go more easily. ; ) This is still impressive, Matty...and I'd still never be able to do the OS. =) Nice work.
bobpiecheese - February 27, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Below Average Dave - February 28, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above.
Glen S - March 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Doh, well done on this still intensely fast song. Your word-play to stay in theme throughout is consistently impressive. Also, the first time I read 'Cripes? Cripes!' I thought it said 'Cripes? Crapes!'
Peter Andersson - April 07, 2009 - Report this comment
All it takes is 555 days of LCHF...
Mark Scotti - March 03, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTY) I "Laughed" off pounds, reading this one!
Agrimorfee - March 03, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Still havent seen the end of this end!
Arwen - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTY...still a triumphant effort on an impossibly hard song...
DJ Blaze - April 11, 2010 - Report this comment
And I thought I had weight problems... LOL! Reminds me of my "You're On A Diet" parody, though infinitely better. 555
Below Average Dave - April 11, 2010 - Report this comment
See above, again
Invisible Boy - April 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Fun to revisit...see above
EmiLoca - April 12, 2010 - Report this comment
You sure like to tackle beastly songs... ironically, you kept most of the lines from falling flat, and... you didn't make an ass of yourself? Yeah. Seriously epic job here.
Mark Scotti - October 19, 2012 - Report this comment
Artistry - A MATTHIAS CLASSIC!!! Still "weighs heavy" on laughs for mr!!!
Peregrin - October 23, 2012 - Report this comment
REM Artistry: Hard OS to parody. Gotta say I was hoping for a happy ending, but alas! Then again, so was the subject of the parody!
Meriadoc - October 26, 2012 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I particularly liked the 'big boned' part.

And the security code is GGQ. Giant Gentleman's Quarterly?
Rex - October 27, 2012 - Report this comment
I really like that you included the background vocals. Excellent job with a challenging OS.
bobpiecheese - October 30, 2012 - Report this comment
(Artistry) See above! Again!
Below Average Dave - November 05, 2012 - Report this comment
See above

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