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Song Parodies -> "Call Me Sordid Al"

Original Song Title:

"You Can Call Me Al"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Call Me Sordid Al"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

This is a nasty story of a nasty man who did a nasty thing and had a nasty end. It's partly inspired by some casual YouTube viewings of that controversial but fascinating NBC news reality doc series 'To Catch A Predator'. Have a nasty time. I've used the Chevy Chase video as the source OS. That intro brass hook has to be one of the most irresistible in history.


A man stalks indiscreet
He says 'Where is a soft teeny-middle now?
Why am I hot pedo-fiddle?
The quest for sexlife is so hard
I need a window-opportunity
I want a snapshot of unmention
Half-dressed like porno sailor moon
For a cartoon schoolyard'

Bone bigger, bone bigger
Stalk in the moonlight
Far away from well-lit door
Messrs Queer-Smelly, Beer-belly
Keep those nuts away from she
You know, I don't find Chris Hansen amusing any more

'I can be your daddy lard
You can be my young-lust pal
We can ball, you bett-ee
Chat nett-ee, when you text me
Call me Sordid Al'

The man drives down her street
He says 'Why am I showing intention
Gonna shortly end in detention
But oh, my lust is so strong
Where's my wife and family?
What if I'm sprung here?
Is she sting role-model
Or my real teen-doddle?
She ducked back down the alley!
Why, that roly-poly little two-faced bitch!
These were incidents, no accidents
More than hints and allegations

And if you are my prison pard
Please let's not get phys-i-cal
Please don't call me Betty
Regretty, please don't maul me
Call me Sordid Al
Not your gal!

(instr. break: tin whistle)

He tries to find his feet
Finds his feet in a strange world
Maybe it's jailbird world
Maybe it's his first time butt-pound
He doesn't like meat sandwich
(Frequent occurrency)
He's a forlorn man
He is fist-pounded then he's
Bound, bound
Frat-hall in the 'park-it place'
Batterings and sacrileges
He looks at ground, while downed
He sees angles in the floorboard texture
Grinning back a grin at he
He says 'Aaah! Men! Al the loser.'

If you steal a credit card
You can be Al's long-lost pal
He can call you Betty
And Betty, when you ball him
Call him Sordid Al!
Ball me!

No, no! No mo'! No, no! No mo'!
No! No! No Bro'! No, no! No no no no mo'!
No, no, no! No mo! No no no! No mo'!
Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm! Mmm!
(conga-pounding sounds)

If you'll be his prison pard
Ooh ooh ooh woo-ooh ooh
He can call you Betty
Ooh ooh ooh woo-ooh ooh
Don't count on the prison guard
Too ooh ooh woo-ooh too
He will call you Betty!

official video here.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
Unlike Al, this is nice. ;D
AFW - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
Just have a seat, right over there...and enjoy this nice parody
John Barry - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
Great job on a tough tune to parody.
Lifeliver - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks to those who could stomach this borderline porn.
OMR - I'm glad you could distance me from my wretched protagonist
JAB - It sure is a tough one, especially to come up with an effective theme, and thanks for pointing that out. I'm not surprised it's rarely tackled.
Wendy Christopher - January 09, 2013 - Report this comment
Thoroughly confused now, because I left comments for this one yesterday but they don't appear to be here now... *Twilight Zone music plays* ... anyway, I'll add them again...

I loved this song when it came out, so I was able to pick out all the artful subs straight away with this one. And there are TONS of them! Really clever lines that are very, very funny - even if the guy in question wasn't. A massive 555 for this one - top job, Lifeliver!
Lifeliver - January 09, 2013 - Report this comment
@ Wendy: You probably neglected to hit the 'send' button. I do it sometimes. I usually rekey once I discover it and I'm glad you took the trouble to do so - I wouldn't want to miss one of your generous comments.

It later struck me this piece could be interpreted as homophobic, but it's just supposed to be funny, so apologies to any gays who might be inadvertently offended. I'll try to go for something more 'wholesome' next time. Yikes, there's a challenge, lol.

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