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Song Parodies -> "Bad Medicine (The Homoeopathy Song)"

Original Song Title:

"Bad Medicine"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bon Jovi

Parody Song Title:

"Bad Medicine (The Homoeopathy Song)"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

A lot of people don't know what homoeopathy is, even those who assert that it works. It involves diluting something until there's none left, not one single molecule - usually done as a succession of one-in-a-hundred dilutions: the 30C mentioned means 1:100 dilution repeated thirty times (so you're left with something that is 10^60 times more dilute than the solution you started with.. i.e. water). Between each dilution, the homoeopath waves his magic wand and hits this ever-weaker solution - presumably knocking some sense into it. This is called "succussion"

Homoeopaths often refer to "big pharma", accusing the major drugs companies of making huge profits.. yet the return on investment for homoeopathic "drugs" is far, far greater: after all, they're selling water (or water dripped onto sugar pills) with no need for any research budget. Include the fact that the research shows that homoeopathic remedies are no better than placebo, and you can only conclude that it's not just pseudo-medical mumbo-jumbo, but extremely profitable pseudo-medical mumbo-jumbo.
I'm running a fever got a pyretic disease
It'll take more than just water to procure a remedy
I know, I could take placebo but it isn't what I need
Gonna take more than a sugar pill of homoeopathy
There's only ****ing water there at 30C

[Bridge:]
30C
That's so dilute ev'ry single trace gone
Is homoe-
How much active ingredient: none
-opathy
Active molecules: no, not even one
You won't get addicted 'cause there's no ****ing drug

[Chorus:]
Homoeopathy's bad medicine
Bad medicine ain't what I need
Shake it up (succuss), it's still bad medicine
'Cause homoeopathy won't
Cure my disease

Bad, bad medicine
Bad, bad medicine

I don't need no needle
I'm no acupuncture fan
And I don't think that Reiki
Ever gonna heal this man
I got a dirty down infection
And I'm feeling kind of sick
And I reckon on reflection
I need antibiotic

So grab the hypodermic
Don't care if I feel a prick

[Bridge]
30C
They do no testing so they haven't got proof
Is homoe-
Return on investment is right through the roof
-opathy
Can't believe that it isn't a spoof
And you won't get addicted 'cause there's no ****ing drug


Homoeopathy's bad medicine
Bad medicine ain't what you need
Succussing sucks, and it's bad medicine
He's not a doctor, he won't
Cure your disease

Bad, bad medicine
Bad, bad medicine

[Solo that's so dilute there's nothing left at all]

Correlation ain't causation for improvements you have seen
When a better explanation is regression to the mean
Whatever you detect, measured significance is small
There ain't no side-effects because there's no effect at all

Homoeopathy's bad medicine
Bad medicine if really ill
Shake it up, just like bad medicine
What memory of water on
A sugar pill

Homoeopathy's bad medicine
Bad medicine still isn't cheap
Shake it up, it's still bad medicine
There's nothing in it that
Can cure a disease

Bad, bad medicine
Bad, bad medicine

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User Comments

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Hippocrates - September 18, 2012 - Report this comment
Homeopathy is a scam.
Meriadoc - September 18, 2012 - Report this comment
I work at a pharmacy, so I got a chuckle out of this...
Susanna Viljanen - September 19, 2012 - Report this comment
There is a proverb in Finland: "If sauna, booze and tar do not help, the disease is deadly". Having just recovered influenza (not flu, a hardcore influenza with 40 C fever) I can say there is a lot of truth in that saying. Sauna will raise body temperature and help fighting germs, tar is aseptic and fungicide and booze both kills germs and raises morale. But at least dying is funnier when drunk.

Seriously, homeopathy is a scam. You would do far better with tap water.
Phil Alexander - September 19, 2012 - Report this comment
Hippocrates - don't tell me, you have that on oath
Merry - does your pharmacy sell homoeopathic er.. placebos? Plenty of them over here do..
Susanna - too many people call minor colds "flu", influenza has been one of the biggest killers in history.. not sure what help tar would be once infected, and a fever + lots of alcohol may make you feel better temporarily, but you'll really feel like death the morning after :-)

Yes, homoeopathy is a scam, but one believed in by ridiculous numbers of people (including those who conflate it with herbal and other alternative medicines which may actually have an active ingredient).
Meriadoc - September 19, 2012 - Report this comment
Phil - we sell a lot of herbal and old time remedies (those little bottles of turpentine spirits fly off the shelf). Not much in the actual homeopathy (ie: dilutions), but we do have a few.

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