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Song Parodies -> "Do They Know How Lame They Are?"

Original Song Title:

"Do They Know It's Christmas?"

Original Performer:

Band Aid (in 1984)

Parody Song Title:

"Do They Know How Lame They Are?"

Parody Written by:

Offender

The Lyrics

Debt forgiveness for Africa would be a nice thing if the African people actually owed us the debts. Most of our debtors, however, are mass-murdering parasites who cruelly plunder and starve and rape their countries' citizens while fattening their bank accounts on our well-intentioned foreign aid. I say the most charitable thing we can do for Africans is to "foreclose" on every last one of our debtors with a tommy gun, mobster style.
It's payment time,
But the debts have not been paid.
In Africa, they welch on us,
So let's have them flayed.

When it comes time for spending,
We can ill afford the dough;
Get your hands around their throats,
And strangle them!

Well, fair is fair:
They are the evil ones.
For their people, it's hard;
Tyrants have all the guns.

There's a lake outside of Heaven
And it's prepared for racketeers
Who keep our foreign aid flowing while
They shed crocodile tears.

And the raging fire that burns there
Is prepared for singers too;
Keep provoking God,
He might be damning you.

So ignore Geldorf and all
This stupid Live 8 tripe;
Let's stuff a nuke
Up Mugabe's tailpipe.

(Oh...)

The music really blows,
And the blood like water flows.
Let's rake all
these jerks across the coals!

To U2, send them coal for being dumb,
Mugabe, here's a bomb for you, you scum!
Let's rake all
these jerks across the coals!

[A brief and crummy instrumental follows.]

"OK, well this is Bono here, the old white guy from U2
ostentatiously denouncing war and poverty and hunger again.
What a wonderful person I am!"

"Hello, this is Michael Jackson.
I'm sorry I can't be with you this time, kids.
Hee hee hee!"

"Hi, this is Dave Gilmour from Pink Floyd.
Our group's album sales are way up.
Keep your hands off our stack, Jack!"

"I'm Slash from Velvet Revolver. We're all old white guys too, Bono."

"Hello, this is Youssou N'Dour.
I am the only actual African man here. Do you people even know who I am?
There is nothing we can do for you, my African brothers. You are hosed."

"Hello, hello, this is Elton John. I'm being a jerk. Like, I am so drunk!
Hello, this is Elton John. Hello, this is Elton John. I'm being a jerk.
Like, I am so drunk! Uh, what am I saying? Whatever. I'm gay!"

"This is Joss Stone. I'm not a Spears clone, I swear!
Did you know that under Mugabe, millions of people in Zimbabwe are starving?
We're not going to do anything about it, though."

"This is Chris Martin from Coldplay.
I am a sensitive rock star. My songs are important.
I have an incredible talent: I can walk backwards.
Buy our albums, you fat greedy American capitalists!"

"Hello, this is Tom Chaplin from Keane. Please buy our albums. Please."

"This is Francis Healy from Travis. Buy our albums!"

"Hello, I'm Madonna. Are you [bleep]ing ready, London!?"

"Hello, I'm Ms. Dynamite. I'm [bleep]ing ready, Madonna!"

"We Scissor Sisters are [bleep]ing ready for anything, Madonna."

"Yo, this is Snoop Doggy Dogg! Buy me, you Union Jack-offs!
I need a big booty ho and some bling bling."

"I'm Annie Lennox. Next concert, I swear we're going to have some
live cows right up on the stage with us. Don't ask why."

"This is Robbie Williams, and I need a new gig,
so please watch me at Live 8. Come on, girls,
am I sexy or what?"

"This is Sting. Christmas comes in July this year.
Suicide bombers love their children too.
Please give a thought to all of us washed-up
old white guys and buy our albums, however crappy,
to keep our cocaine supplies steady. Cheerio!"

"This song was never recorded at all because it's just a silly parody.
It's now 9:20 in the morning of July 12th.
The death count from the terrorist attacks
here in London currently stands at 52.
Now, stop paying attention to important things,
and pay attention to us instead.
I'm Bob Geldorf. If you give each of us a million dollars,
maybe we'll finally shut up and retire. Think about that. Bye."

Bleed the jerks!
Rake them all across the coals this time!
Bleed the jerks!
Rake them all across the coals this time!
Bleed the jerks!
Rake them all across the coals this time!
Bleed the jerks!
Rake them all across the coals this time!
Bleed the jerks!
Rake them all across the coals this time!
Bleed the jerks!
Rake them all across the coals this time!
Bleed the jerks!
Rake them all across the coals this time!
Bleed those jerks!
Rake them all across the coals this time!
[etc.]
Yes, I know Michael Jackson isn't in on this. Let's not forget, though, that he was singing in that stupid "We Are The World" gig at about the same time. Live 8 is probably very glad not to have him on board this time around either.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.9
Overall Rating: 3.9

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 1
 1
 
 2   1
 1
 1
 
 3   2
 1
 2
 
 4   1
 2
 0
 
 5   4
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Agrimorfee - July 12, 2005 - Report this comment
The angry stuff I have come to expect from Offender. Nasty stuff, look out for the fallout. 455
Olvan The Terrible - July 12, 2005 - Report this comment
You are nothing but a provocateur. But in this world of political correctness, that might not be such a bad thing. Plus, your lyrics are funny, topical, and true. Many nations of Africa would not be in such economic turmoil if not for despot rulers like Robert Mugabe. I mean, their ancestors' tribal civilizations have managed to survive for millennia... Anyway, three well-deserved fives.
John the Grunt - July 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Hmm, lets tell one side of a two sided story. Actually, Both Geldof and Bono have been also campaigning for more of the aid money to go to NGO's, thus eliminating government thugs misspending the aid. Hope they actually follow through on that.
Stuart McArthur - July 12, 2005 - Report this comment
I liked all the individual lines like "Keep your hands off our stack" - using their own line against them - very clever, Offender - un-PC parodies have a head start with me just by being un-PC - although you show your youth with your heavy-handedness, you're a clever one, Offender - 555
Red Ant - July 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Very Un-PC and very funny especially on the quoted lines.
Offender - July 14, 2005 - Report this comment
At least this time, the crummy concerts have been fairly low-key. As for solving Africa's problems, more money isn't going to solve anything unless it goes straight to the people for whom it's intended instead of their leaders. NGOs (actually UN organizations, which is even worse) aren't much help either. On the other hand, airlifts like the ones in Afghanistan might work, at least for a while. I don't see anyone proposing those, though.
Royce Miller - July 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Offender, I missed this while being away; alot of work put in here, and I see by the comments that others appreciate you.

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