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Song Parodies -> "Up on the Stage"

Original Song Title:

"Close to the Edge"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Up on the Stage"

Parody Written by:

Porfle Popnecker

The Lyrics

[I The Silly Time Of Strange]

A seasoned comic takes the stage and leaves them all in tears
A rearranged scenario could play for years and years
And use the same material in every different town
And kill 'em all with stuff that every funnyman has passed around

A plant within the audience with one distinctive cry
Can keep them all guffawing even though they don't know why
A stooge who takes a roundhouse slap and bounces back for more
A sexy dame who keeps them in their seats, not heading for the door

Up on the stage, round by the curtain
(Just make 'em laugh, just make 'em laugh)
Close to the wings, down by the footlights
(Just make 'em laugh, just make 'em laugh)

On a tour from Buffalo to Nacogdoches
Playing to a different crowd for every show
Honing all the gags we hope to take back with us to New York
Wond'ring why our favorite jokes just tend to lay there
While the ones we think aren't funny knock 'em dead
We increase the laughter simply by including the word "pork"

Up on the stage, round by the curtain
Close to the wings, down by the footlights
People will laugh at you
I go on, I get off
Now that your pants, are falling down
Now that you find, now you're a clown

[II Total Massive Fail]

I do my act, I throw every single thing I've got at them
I drop my pants and dance just like a hoochie-koochie femme
I mug and girn as though I've lost my everlovin' mind
And still they throw tomatoes that are splattering on my behind

Sad jester on the naked stage while everybody jeers
Resorts to acting like he's being raped by rabid steers
He's going down the toilet like a turd expelled by Lawrence Tierney

Up on the stage, down by the curtain
Close to the wings, round by the footlights
Down by the wings, close to the curtain
Up on the stage, round by the footlights

Total failure's now ingrained inside your memory
You're a jerk and everybody hates your guts
You should climb under a rock and never show your face again
You were wrong if ever you thought you were funny
With the main exception of your ugly mug
So you run away and hide, and never take the stage again

Up on the stage, round by the curtain
Close to the wings, down by the footlights
People will laugh at you
I go on, I get off

[III I Go On, I Get Off]

In his blackface
He was clearly just a vaudeville entertainer
Singing in some minstrel show for the entertainment of the yokels

I go on, I get off
I go on, I get off

A hundred people barely qualify
To be an audience, and watch us die, onstage
Remember when a squirting daffodil
(When the straight man tells his stooge to smell the flower)
Could make 'em laugh, now it seems nothing will, today
(Giving him a faceful when he bends to sniff the fragrant bouquet)

I go on, I get off
I go on, I get off

Nobody cares when Pagliacci cries
(It's a boring act that nobody remembers)
We give them faces hit by custard pies, the rubes
(Asking them to not recall that they've seen it all a half-a-million times)
I wish we had a star like Milton Berle
(He's hilarious when he puts on a dress and)
Or just a single decent-looking girl, with boobs
(Wiggles his pretend behind for the titillation of the group mind)

I go on, I get off
I go on, I get off
I go on, I get off

I go on, I get off
I go on, I get off

[IV Seasons Of Mook]

The time between the shows is when I get drunk on my ass
And weave among the patrons throwing every dame a pass
And realize my trousers are still down around my knees
And stagger out into the street, my dingus flapping in the breeze
Ahh, ahh

Then according to a paper handed to me by a kid
The headline states that vaudeville's deader than an oven lid
So I decided I'd go into real estate with cousin Sid

And the days of acting stupid for the people
Swept away and soundly kicked into the past
By a brand new wave of bigger fools on radio and TV

Up on the stage, down by the curtain
Close to the wings, round by the footlights
People would laugh at you
Now that it's all moldy and dead
Punched in the gut, kicked in the head
Now that it's gone, now that you're old
Vaudeville will pass you by

I go on, I get off
I go on, I get off
I go on, I get off

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   4

User Comments

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Porfle Popnecker - August 28, 2011 - Report this comment
I forgot to mention that this is sort of an ode to the final days of vaudeville. I don't know how obvious that is in the first part of the song.
Porfle Popnecker - August 23, 2012 - Report this comment
Better late than never--here's the original version on youtube:
Peregrin - August 24, 2012 - Report this comment
(U/V) - That was quite a marathon!! I think you captured well the trails and tribulations of the vaudevillian life, P-Pop. I thought that "Remember when a squirting daffodil ... could make 'em laugh" was a good sort of summation within the song.
Porfle Popnecker - August 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Much appreciated!
Agrimorfee - August 31, 2012 - Report this comment
Such epicness. And I dont even know who the hell Lawrence Tierney is. Between this and your nostalgic Sundae Man parody, you come across as a very old soul. How old are you anyway?
Porfle Popnecker - September 01, 2012 - Report this comment
I'm old enough to have seen "Star Trek: The Original Series" when it was "Star Trek: The Only Series"! Epic comment.
Meriadoc - September 03, 2012 - Report this comment
U/V Porfle, that was quite an epic. The Vaudeville thing wasn't really apparent in the beginning, but I figured it out part way thru, and went back and reread it all (sans the OS, which made me realize why people took so many drugs in the 70s - they were required to get thru 18 minutes of that virtuoso claptrap). Anyway, very good job.
Porfle Popnecker - September 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks very much! I guess you just have to be a prog-head to appreciate the OS. I've been a big Yes fan since the 70s.
Abbott Skelding - September 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Holy cow, an 18 minute long song...kudos to you sir, I couldn't do it...especially that kind of music haha. Nice work!
Blaydeman - September 11, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) I got the Vaudeville reference towards the middle of the song. Overall funny stuff here Porfle.
Matthias - September 11, 2012 - Report this comment
I enjoyed your Tour De Farce here. Reminds me of my very own "Crummy Comedian" parody

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