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Song Parodies -> "Thetis, Don't Let Achilles Go Off to Invade Troy"

Original Song Title:

"Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Willie Nelson

Parody Song Title:

"Thetis, Don't Let Achilles Go Off to Invade Troy"

Parody Written by:

John Jenkins

The Lyrics

Before joining the Greek army, Achilles (played by Brad Pitt in the recent Warner Bros. movie "Troy") consulted his mother Thetis (Julie Christie), an immortal sea nymph. Thetis knew that joining Agamemnon's army would not be a good career move for her son, but do sons ever listen to their mothers?
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Don't let him make war against that Asian force,
Give him a Greek anger management course.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Though he's got royal blood and he thinks he's a stud,
What the Greeks need is a horse.

Trojans ain't easy to love, and they're harder to fight.
They'd rather not make peace, but they want piece all night.
Young Paris chuckles at King Menelaus
And each night shows Trojan power.
So Queen Helen goes on a Paris vacation
To check out his eye-full tower.

Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Don't let him fight Trojans and fierce Amazons,
Let him guard queens while Greek kings are all gone.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Though Helen's a beauty, it's not your son's duty
To fight for Agamemnon.

Achilles should simply ignore Queen Helen's defection,
He knows that she's safe with all her Trojan protection.
Your son should be on Olympus drinking nectar,
Not in Troy fighting with Hector.
Agamemnon has others with weak brains and strong backs,
Let him clean up Troy with Ajax.

Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
Though he might be stronger than the man of steel,
Achilles has his own kryptonite deal.
Thetis, don't let Achilles go off to invade Troy.
It would be a hardship if he went on this trip
And got done in by a heel.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   5
 5
 5
 

User Comments

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Royce Miller - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Super
Arwen - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent!! 555! "Give him a Greek anger management course" = my favorite!!
Ashkicksass - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh so clever. My favorite was eye-full tower. LOL!
John Barry - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent job--and superior to the movie, I'd guess, though I haven't seen it.
Adagio - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Gotta agree with Ashkicksass on the phrase eye-full tower, but there were so many puns in the parody....even the last word...heel. I know what it refers to, but it could also mean his enemy. :) In other words, 5's!
The Thought Police - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Can you imagine Achilles,Hercules,and Odysseus in an anger management meeting? (You first Achilles,begin-"Well,I've been training all my life to maim and kill,mostly kill,but what I really wanna do is sculp statues like that guy who created Galatea!" Okay Odysseus,you next-"Oh,you mean Pyreus ?Yeah,we KNOW how he manages HIS 'anger'!Heh-heh! " now be nice,Odysseus,and now for you ,Herc-"Yeah Oddyseus,the man SAID that the statue came to life'then who are we to argue with the gods?Hmmm,hey guys,Anatomy and Sculpture 101is down the hall from here--let's go get some-culture! "Guys,WAIT!!! we were just getting started with this session! ACHILLES !Come back here! Quit being such a HEEL! SORRY! I dodn't mean to call you a ,um--no WAIT !PUT DOWN THAT SPEAR! NOI NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" VVV's
Thought Police - June 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Oops,I meant Pygmalion,not Pyreus, and VVV is Greek for 555...
John Jenkins - June 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Royce, Arwen, Ashkicksass, John B, Adagio, and Thought Police. I appreciate the comments. And, Thought Police, maybe you should include Zeus, Ares, and some other Greek gods in your anger management class.
Spaff.com - July 03, 2004 - Report this comment
All I know of the original is the title line, but that's not a drawback here. "Clean up Troy with Ajax," "Eye-full tower," and "Paris vacation" are just some of the many highlights. Epic.
John Jenkins - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Spaff. Last month I was appalled when you confessed that you have not yet seen or heard Les Miserables. But now you have redeemed yourself with the revelation that you have not heard this Willie Nelson hit. (I am not a fan of Willie's although the song seemed to fit the parody topic).
Jeff Reuben - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
It's all Greek to me =) Good job!
EmiLoca - July 12, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Funny stuff, Jenkins! Trojan protection...of course, that appealed to my immature brain, being totally fascinated with sex. And then...clean up Troy with Ajax, and done in by a heel, and it's completely pointless to quote your entire parody back to you, isn't it? 5's.
John Jenkins - July 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you Jeff and Emi.
Jared - July 18, 2004 - Report this comment
(DotM) DKTOS, but this read hilariously, and here's best wishes in the competition
Adagio - July 18, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) very good parody!
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - July 20, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) 'Trojan protection' was also a source of many juvenile snickers for me, but only because I am fascinated by the production of prophylactic production methods. Many great jokes here, John, it heeled my horse throat. Have some ROMAN VVV's
John Jenkins - July 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you Jared, Adagio, and Jake.
Claude Prez - July 21, 2004 - Report this comment
What everyone else said. Love them puns.
Johnny D - July 27, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) "They’d rather not make peace, but they want piece all night" Oh yeah, 5's for that line for sure!
Peregrin - July 31, 2004 - Report this comment
Yep, great lines in there, JJ. 5's for changing a Willie Nelson song to something better!
Meriadoc - July 31, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very well done! Loved all the double entendres, especially the 'clean up with Ajax" and all the Trojan puns!
ethan - July 31, 2004 - Report this comment
reads well but dktos
2nz - August 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Movie wasn't bad. I feel like I learned more from your parody, though. I liked it more for what it was too. Great job, JJ.

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