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Song Parodies -> "Man, He 'Proned' Me"

Original Song Title:

"And It Stoned Me"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Van Morrison

Parody Song Title:

"Man, He 'Proned' Me"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

Our narrator here is a professional prize-fighter; a boxer...who has just been beaten silly in a "filler" fight...part of what is referred to in the fight business as the "Undercard"...
Second fight; a six-round affair
For a small and rowdy crowd
Got knocked silly in the first
Left me "moo-ing" like a cow
Felt the blood flow down my cheek
As I lay flat on my back
Heard this guy yell "You Suck, Creep
you could not beat an old hag"

I got slaughtered
Oh, I got slaughtered
Drawn and quartered
Don't think my brain's OK

Man, he proned me, knocked me cold
Proned me, yeah, and broke my nose
Yeah, he proned me
Yeah, he proned me, made me moan
Wild right-hook somehow hit home
Left me groaning

I could not get up off my flattened duff
I just stared up at the sky
Nasty cut, the blood gushed out; flooded in my eye
Referee, he spoke, "No more for this bloke,
I must terminate this bout"
thru the smoke and din saw opponent grin
and right then I just passed out

In a coma
had hematoma
fist-induced "Soma"
don't even know my name

Had me moaning; lay there prone
Battered, bloodied; broken nose
prone and groaning
He re-zoned me; cracked my dome
Gave me a new Postal Code
Left me yodeling

(Instrumental break)
{During instrumental part boxer "moans' along to acoustic guitar part}
("Ow, ow, ow-ow-ow, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, Oh, oh, oh-oh-ho, oh-oh", etc.)
{In the 2nd part, he lightly sings to the piano notes and pace }
("It seems like the room is spinning all around me...)
(and I cannot keep my feet down on the ground...)
(And my head is really starting now to pound...)
(And I'm spitting blood up right out my mouth, ow...")

When I did come to, man, I sure felt screwed
They had holes drilled in my head
Then this Doctor spoke, "You're not "Okie-doke'
Cerebellum is now gel"
With superior tone said "Your thinker's blown
man, your brain has been reworked
Like an empty shell or a dried-up well
or a teen-age fast-food clerk"

Knew I'd been dissed
Oh, man, was I pissed
Drew back my clenched fist
Sure enjoyed all his frantic screams

Little troll had gone too far
Ticked me off, he raised the bar
he had dissed me
His whole face now; one big scar
Out of him I beat the tar
Most completely

Now he's moa-oo-oan-ing,
in great pai-ai-ain
Cause I did beat
out his brains
Yes, he's moa-oa-aning

He's atoa-ooa-oan-ing
hear him braay-aa-aay-yay-yay
teased hurt boxer
not "OK-aa-aay'
Now he's gro-oo-oan-ing

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
 1
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 3   1
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 4   0
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 5   9
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User Comments

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Rick D - August 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Boxing is not a "sport". It's a leftover from the brutish middle ages.
alvin rhodes - August 01, 2005 - Report this comment
great job on a tough song...hell, van is always tough to do...5s
Paul Robinson - August 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Rick, it happens that I pretty much agree with you...I got my first realization of that back when I was 12 or 13...was watching what I think was a title fight (middle-weight, maybe?) on ABC...Defending Champion Emile Griffith vs. Benny "Kid" Paret...pretty good action...then somewhere in the middle rounds Griffith caught Paret and stunned him...Paret fell back to the ropes...in retrospect it was determined he probably was out at that point...the ropes held him up...and Griffith did what I fighter is supposed to do...moved in and hammered him...I don't think the Ref could see Paret's situation immediately...he may have been screened by Griffith's body...it didn't take long...Griffith was an extremely efficient puncher...he could land a tremendous amount of short, quick and damaging shots if not effectively defensed...and he did...and then may have realized his opponent was not able to defend and he backed off...Paret fell...never woke up again...and I have never been able to really get into boxing since that day...read about it now and then, but I don't enjoy watching it at all....alvin...Thanks! I had a lot of fun working with this one...I thought I had it going really good and was ready to call it finished, but I kept coming up with lines that I thought were slightly better all the time...and those lines meant the ones around it had to be changed at least slightly, if not reconstructed altogether...but when I looked at where it was when I thought it was done and really good and where it ended up I was very happy I put the extra time and work into it....but I'm still thinking up lines that could be subbed in for some of the ones I did end up using...lol...
Charlie Decker - August 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Nice job...I adore the OS. 5s.
Paul Robinson - August 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Charlie...I really like it, too...and noticed when I did a "Search" that it had not been used on this site previously. Looking at a couple other Van Morrison numbers for ideas.
Johnny D - August 01, 2005 - Report this comment
You did it to me again, Paul --- I laughed out loud on "fist-induced "Soma" " !!
Paul Robinson - August 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, JD...glad you liked it...actually, this one was a whole lotta fun to work on and then record a voice-over...I actually have changed it just a bit (just in the first verse - last couple lines) since I posted it on Sunday. I listened to it s a couple times on the drive to work this morning as had some real LOL's myself...the "coma/hematoma/soma" lines, yeah...also fond of the way the whole thing works after the instrumental break part...with the Doctor going on at poetic length about how dumb this was gonna make the fighter...and the fighter kicking the absolute crap out of him for it right to the end...
Adagio - August 02, 2005 - Report this comment
Good one and I'm not into boxing at all.
Paul Robinson - August 02, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Pat...you and me both...nor the other activity I mention separately...lol ~ ~ ~
Adagio - August 02, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh!! lol !! It'd make a good parody, if nothing else. :D
Paul Robinson - August 02, 2005 - Report this comment
Hmmm...actually, now that I recall it...it ALSO involves the boxing component as well...Whew! I dunno...lol...

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