PH:
I bought the sheriff,
'cause I'm a jackoff celebrity.
I bought the sheriff;
I'm a Jackoesque celebrity.

I drove around L.A. town,
And I had tossed a few drinks down.
I went to court and I was found guilty
For my driving with celerity
And lacking in sobriety.
On that day:

I'm caught by Sheriff,
'cause I exhibited drunkenness
I'm caught by Sheriff. . .
Not sure, but I think it was my first offense.

So into court they paraded me--
It was quite a show.
And this action fulfilled my need
To feed my most feeble ego.
Per Freud: I've no superego.
Court says:

JUDGE:
You're caught by sheriff,
And since you can offer no defense,
You're caught by sheriff:
I must curtail use of your license.

MEDIA:
Freedom was taken away,
All because she drove around
Town. She got pulled over, and then the cops found
Her actions were unsound. . .
Parole violation found.
They say:

POLICE:
You mocked the sheriff,
Although it was not a felony.
You mocked the sheriff,
And now you must pay the penalty.

PH:
Rolexes I must surrender to be
In this jail, a club country,
But this place really sucks; I don't feel so well;
I've done three days; I want to get out.
So the right palms are greased, and I'm out!

I bought the sheriff, oh yeah!
Because I am a celebrity.
I bought the sheriff;
Palms are greased, and I'm at liberty, oh yeah!