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Song Parodies -> "Bad Conjugation"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Carly Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Bad Conjugation"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I'm one of those people who got their degree and then works in a totally different field. So...while I plug away all day doing accounting, sometimes I worry that the only thing my English degree is good for is making fun of other people's lack of good grammar...
"Has it came yet?" He asked me about the mail
He was five...but I cringed anyway
And I wonder...if I'm really being mean
When I can't...get over the things folks say

Bad Conjugation
Bad Conjugation
It makes me irate
It gets my teeth gratin'

"Guess who I seen?" A girl at work will say to me
At that vision starts to blur
And I...try to listen to her lunch story
But I am thinkin'...about grammar lessons for her

Bad Conjugation
Bad Conjugation
It makes me irate
It gets my teeth gratin'

"I could care less." A phrase that often bugs me
If you don't care...that means you could NOT care less
But I'll bite my tongue and smile right now
Though it's so clear...That bad English makes me stress

Bad English makes me stress
Whoa, it's so clear...That bad English makes me stress
Bad English makes me stress
Bad English makes me stress
Bad English makes me stress
Bad English makes me stress

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

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neminem - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Yay! I get to quote Steven Pinker *again*! Although I agree with much of your sentiment... "A tin ear for prosody (stress and intonation) and an obliviousness to the principles of discourse and rhetoric are important tools of the trade for the language maven. Consider an alleged atrocity committed by today's youth: the expression "I could care less." The teenagers are trying to express disdain, the adults note, in which case they should be saying "I couldn't care less". If they could care less than they do, that means that they really do care, the opposite of what they are trying to say. But if these dudes would stop ragging on teenagers and scope out the construction, they would see that their argument is bogus. Listen to how the two versions are pronounced: COULDN'T care I CARE LE LE i SS. could ESS. The melodies and stresses are completely different, and for a good reason. The second version is not illogical, it's sarcastic. The point of sarcasm is that by making an assertion that is manifestly false or accompanied by ostentatiously mannered intonation, one deliberately implies its opposite. A good paraphrase is, "Oh yeah, as if there was something in the world that I care less about." (The Language Instinct, 390)
neminem - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Ok, so much for trying to use line breaks. Obviously that doesn't work. So the broken pieces of "I could care less", trust me, they *should* be showing the differences in supersegmentals.
Arwen - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Holy cow...I don't even think I'm smart enough to understand what you said. But thanks for the vote. I've tried to the do the line break thing, too...and I have no idea how it works. I think it's reserved for very special commenters...but oh well. Thanks again, Neminem!!
Adagio - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but good job...I do some cringing myself. Neminem, you sound like Paul in disguise (j/k). What's a line break?
Guy - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
You just got to be able to talk good English these days irregardless, you know?. I always try to stay real orientated to my grammar, you know? Well, I'd like to chat about this but I gots a vet appointment to get my cat spaded. This parody, you know, was wrote real good.
Arwen - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL...I'd give your comment three 5s if I could, Guy...
Adagio - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
That's like fingernails on chalkboard, Guy! EEEEEEEEE!!!!
John Jenkins - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
I think that you are mostly "preaching to the choir," but I think that you have a good message and you express it with creativity and humor.
Paul Robinson - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen/Neminem/Adagio/Guy - Wow! I got so into reading nem's dissertation that I forgot that ARWEN wrote the parody. So to keep my remarks in some order I will first remind Arwen that if nothing else that English degree probably gives you a good foundation to write parodies. OH, OH...Now I'm paranoid about my run-on sentences and other writing Lack... of... for-mal...ed-yu-cay-shun. The last thing I read about proper language usage was Michael O'Donoghue's "How To Talk Good" in the "Lampoon" 30+ years ago. To quote: "The pen is mightier than the plowshare; writer's rarely have to get up before dawn to shovel manure." - Nem, perhaps today's youth should turn to the rhetorical and use "COULD I CARE LESS?" with the intonation you suggested to communicate their disdain and sarcasm. If you run that through your word blender for a brief bit I think that it expresses the thought more adroitly and economically. Line breaks? No, I know not how to access or implement line breaks here. "Supersegmentals"? No, thanks, I'll just have the regular size but I would like some extra sleaze & cheese in my parody order, please. Adadio, I think nem's got me sliced and diced on a Technical level here. For better or worse my diction, grammar, punctuation & style are STRICTLY instinctive. I read 'em, finagle, shake & jiggle them around until they seem to do more or less what I want. But I'm very flattered by the compliment (I think it was a compliment). Guy, only 6 months ago I could not speak English and now I are teaching it. OH...Arwen, before I forget and have to wait 5 minutes to avoid being "Twittified" let me just say this parody was elegantly expressed, grammatically correct, uniquely stated and, well, just rilly, rilly pooty-darrend gooed.
neminem - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Ok. Line breaks are the things that generally happen when you press return in a text field. "Supersegmentals" is a jargony word I picked up last summer that includes all the things overlayed on top of the actual words that also convey meaning - things like pitch and stress, for example. And Adagio: that wasn't *my* dissertation. Much as I wish I could write like Pinker, that isn't going to happen. So I just quote him frequently instead.
Arwen - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks John and Paul!
Johnny D - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
I bet your Quenya ain't half-bad either, immortal pointy-eared one! 5's
William F. Buckley, Jr. - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Sesquipedalian vocabulary employed for the sole purpose of obfuscating one’s extemporaneous expostulations on the epistemological underpinnings of the argot customarily uttered by quasi-empirical positivistic existentialists is not only syllogistically inconsequential but invariably devoid of substantive ontological foundation. Also, I believe pot should be legalized.
Adagio - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
What's a Quenya?
Arwen - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny...thanks...I should have known that you'd throw that in there. And Adagio...perhaps only the eternally nerdy can identify what "Quenya" is. It's and Elvish dialect...Johnny and I are total geeks. Thankfully, we have each other to be geeky with...Thanks again, JD...
Arwen - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Did you vote, Mr. Buckley? I don't understand anything you said...but I appreciate that you dropped by...
Arwen - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
It's AN Elvish dialect. I can't believe on the one song I'm talking about correct grammar and blah blah blah...I wrote "it's and Elvish dialect." I'm such an idiot...oh well..=)
Mari D - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen -- well done! Those phrases drive me crazy, too. Good thing that you weren't care-less! And how about this one: fragment sentences starting with "If" and treated as complete sentences, such as "If you could do this for me." I hear this all the time and it drives me crazy! Sometimes I'll say "If you could do this for me, then what?" Their response is always "Huh?" Buckley -- Eschew obfuscation.
Stray Pooch - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Guy already mentioned "irregardless" (AAARRRGGHHHH!) but I can still complain about this one: "I miss not having cable." I hear people all the time that use that statement to mean they miss HAVING cable (or whatever)! (OTOH, sometimes when I HAVE cable I could make that statement and mean it!!) I also hate the pseudologism "orientate." (If pseudologism isn't a word, it should be!) AAAAKKK!! Everytime I hear someone say "I have to get orientated" I want to smack them. It's ORIENTED, you twit!!!! While we're on the subject, I hate what I call the "verbatim misquote." (I am SURE there is a term to describe this situation, but I do not know it.) It is when someone says something exactly as it is written but without understanding its meaning. The most obvious and famous example is "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" If you think that wherefore means where, GO LOOK IT UP!!!! How about "Now is the winter of our discontent . . ." being used as a complete sentence (meaning "This is the winter of our discontent.")? THAT'S ONLY HALF THE LINE, PEOPLE!! READ THE FREAKIN' PLAY!!! I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS STUFF!! WE'RE NOT GIVING UP IN NEW HAMPSHIRE! WE'RE NOT GIVING UP IN SOUTH CAROLINA! WE'RE NOT, umm, er . . . sorry, folks, I think I just channeled Howard Dean . . .
Stray Pooch - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
btw, nice parody, Arwen - 555! I need to go take my meds now . . . :D GOOD HEAVENS! I have been "twit patrolled!" Great. NOW I have to figure out what to do with the next five minutes!!! I would twiddle my thumbs, but I can't stand strenuous exercise. So let's see, I am under about four inches of snow right now. The kids are off of school tomorrow but I have to work. Don't ya wish you could be a kid again? SOOO, how 'bout them Patriots? Oh, wait, "them Patriots" ain't write, umm, I mean ain't wright. No, wait, that's not it. Hold on, I'll get it! Ain't rite? I just know I can get this right. HEY! That's it!! RIGHT! THEM PATRIOTS AIN'T RIGHT!!! Why do I suddenly feel like I'm channeling Hank Hill? "Ain't" - now THAT'S a pseudologism! Come to think of it, "pseudologism" is probably a pseudologism! psuedo
Guy - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Stray - No need to wait the time limit out if you want to double post. Just put a space in front of you name or something. The twit traffic cop is based on the name of the commenter. If you change it with a space it doesn't register and you avoid the wait. Watch my next comment and check the time.
Guy - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Stray - Whoops, I guess Chucky fixed this. It used to work. All the better I guess.
HOWARD DEAN - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment


Paul Robinson - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Stray - It appears I have introduced a "parody comment" virus to the site that causes people to get so wrapped up in their comments they leave stuff out, and then get "Twittled" down to size and have to "Twiddle" their thumbs for the 5 minutes to pass when they try to go back and post the additional remark right away. Stray, I could give you some lessons on killing the 5 minute wait period but it would probably take HOURS & HOURS of your time. Guy, I think we can count on ChuckyG to "outwit the Twits". Perhaps the term "Twit" needs to be broken down like military ranks are; "P.Robinson, Comment -Twit, Second-Class" or something along those lines. Then there could be different waiting periods depending on rank. I'm sure ChuckyG has the spare time needed to devise and implement such a system (CG - Hope you know I'm kidding here). I really get a kick out of language discussions here, there are so many different writer's on the site of such widely varied age, education, geographical location, etc., truly fascinating sometimes... Pooch, see how easy it is? Actually, you did a pretty good job yourself up above. Think what could be accomplished if we could harness all the psychic and mental energy used here on just the comments to this one parody! We might be able to use it to send a man to Mars! I nominate President Bush and I vote we try to send him tomorrow morning at the earliest possible moment (as long as he takes that other card, "The Dick of Fools" with him).
Arwen - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks a ton, Mari!! And Stray...fabulous comment with more of my favorite mis-usages. Being the basketball fanatic that I am, I also HATE it when someone misses a shot, and the commentator calls it a "near miss." He didn't nearly miss it...he missed it. All the way. Seriously. Anyway...thanks everyone...again and again and again!
Paul Robinson - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Nem & all - Well, I think we managed to do a fine job of confusing the hell out of each other and it was great fun and I'm sure a grand spectacle to those just viewing. Hey, here's one more funny idea: Let me try to CLARIFY a couple points(I hear the hysterical/maniacal laughter of those finally driven totally mad, the gnashing of teeth, frantic screams of those rushing to the exits, pleas for mercy, but I continue nonetheless): (1) 'Nem - thanks for the definition on "line breaks" that about what I thought they were. (2) "Supersegmentals" - ok, more clear on this now, but I still prefer regular-size with the extra sleaze & cheese, although right about now I could also use an extra side of JD or RD's anatomical humor with just a smattering of scatalogical innuendo smeared in strategical places. (3) I think it was me & not Adagio who referenced your comment as a "dissertation" but thanks for clearing up the original source you used. "Pinker" appears to be more of a "thinker" than a "stinker" and when I get smarter I might check him out. (4) Buckley, I always thought you were a pointless pedantic pea-brain but now you have proven it beyond a doubt. But "dew" feel free to drop in again. Just remember if you bring smokables to bring enough for everyone. Mom told me long ago it was rude to do otherwise. You don't need to bring any for me, however, I had to give it up. Makes me too weird...(5) Guy, you know, I tend to agree with Yogi Berra who once said "Nobody ever goes there anymore, 'cause it's too crowded". (6) "Quenya" is "Elvish"? I think "Elvish" just left the room. Let me go check...(7) Mari D - If you say so. (8) Yes, "Eschew William Buckley...and the horse he rode in on and his friends if he has any." (9) Stray - You mean it IS true that I'm no longer young? Ouch! Well, that'll put me in a "Lather" for sure. (10) I don't care what anybody else says, Howard Dean makes one helluva fine Sausage - and you can quote me on that. Post-Anoital comment - Well, that should clear up everything neatly and tie up all the loose ends here. Just needed a level-headed person to cut to the chase. Glad to be of service.
Linebreaker - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Copy and Paste doesn´t work here. Instead of linebreaks via "Enter" you have to write the two letters "br" inbetween a "".

(If that was confusing, just google for basic HTML, or rightclick this page and look up this message, or any linebroken message, in the code).
Terry Bradshaw - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh, I thought linebreaker was some new football position. If it has to do with computers, then forget it.
Paul Robinson - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Linebreaker - Thank you for the tip...I am still too dense about this to figure it out yet but I will ask one of my hosts here to 'splain it to me tonight, I think she will know. OH...after all that wonderful "clarifying" I did earlier I can't believe I missed correcting MY OWN mistake from earlier. The "Lampoon" piece I referenced was "How To WRITE Good", not "How to TALK good". What a moe-ron, eh?
Arwen - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm going to give it a whirl. "br" Cross your fingers.
neminem - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Cool. Ok... trying "br"... while I'm at it, I might as well also try
even though it does specifically state that HTML tags other than bold aren't allowed, or I would have tried it earlier. I'll be annoyed if it works. But not *too* annoyed, since I'll have gotten a line break out of it.
^neminem^ - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
And about the twit counter... you could just stick a ^ in front... like Ender did when he signed on as ^Graff ;-). Yep, fellow nerd speaking. And yeah, I did now vaguely what Quenya was, though unlike my friend Jonathon, I *don't* actually know how to speak it. I got a kick out of his science fair project about light, that was adorned with actual Quenya from the Silmarillion about some light-source-related artifact or something. Oh. Ok, so I guess he must have changed it entirely over to IP logging or something... I could go downstairs and get myself a dynamic IP by logging in through the wireless, but that would just be silly.
neminem - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
And yeah, it's the html that works. Despite note to the contrary right above where I'm currently typing this. For those who don't know html... put a , next to each other. Obviously I can't actually type out what it would look like directly, because it would just get interpreted as me wanting a line break.
neminem - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Ah, I see. For some reason, the parser considers an open-triangular-bracket, followed by *anything*, including text with tons of spaces in it, followed by a closed bracket, an html tag. Stupidness! What that should have said was, put an (open-triangular-bracket character) followed by br followed by a (close-triangular-bracket character), next to each other.
Arwen - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
I am giving up and simply sticking to inane runon paragraphs! Sorry!
Paul Robinson - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Nem' - thanks for trying. No, actually I do think I can figure it out now, but I'm not sure it makes much difference the way I write my comments. In fact if it made them seem to make more sense it might ruin all the fun. Arwen, that's a very logical choice. Are there "Vulcan Elves" ? Let's see if I put an "a," next to something will it do anything to this? Let's a, see
Arwen - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
No Vulcan Elves. No. Sorry. =)
cheese - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
dgsjsdgjsdgjbar sdgiosdg
cheese - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
sdgsgsdg[br]vxcvdf gff
Arwen - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
I guess...thanks, Cheese? And thanks, again?
Leo Jay - March 31, 2005 - Report this comment
I just founded this one. I like it very well.
Arwen - March 31, 2005 - Report this comment
Adagio - April 05, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC-2005) DKTOS, comment(s) above.
Charlie Decker - April 05, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) What's with the sudden explosion of grammar parodies? Not that I mind; I love grammar. You done good, Arwen. You done good.
Arwen - April 05, 2005 - Report this comment
This one's about a year and a half if there's a sudden rush of grammar parodies...I started it...; )
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - April 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Love the idea, love the parody. Heck, love the comments, too!
Arwen - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Luke!
Agrimorfee - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05)I ain't gonna make no bad comments on this song right here!
Scathe - April 07, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC-B) Thanks for the funny parody, and giving me another good reason to be a math major.
MysteryGoat - April 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Guy - April 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC-B) See above comments. I still think this was wrote real good. Restoring previous vote.
Stuart McArthur - April 11, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC-05) - if you think those examples were bad, you've got another think coming
Melhi - April 11, 2005 - Report this comment
(aBc) I would of gaven you fives already if I had saw this before. Your getting them now instead. ;) Heh heh.
Johnny D - April 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above.
Kristof Robertson - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Sorry babe, DKTOS...good to see you upholding the Queen's English..:-)
Phil Alexander - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Definitely a song after my own heart :-)
Jeff Reuben - April 15, 2005 - Report this comment
If my mom ever wrote a parody, it would be this one. Great job Erwin!

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