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Song Parodies -> "I Can't Get No Six-Pack Abs, Son! (Simpson's version)"

Original Song Title:

"I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)"

Original Performer:

The Rolling Stones

Parody Song Title:

"I Can't Get No Six-Pack Abs, Son! (Simpson's version)"

Parody Written by:

TJC

The Lyrics


Here Homer ponders his failing physique in song: "Hey, Bart! Maybe I should try stronger magnets, quad-strength Fen-Phen, or even more aggressive tapeworms?

Bart: "Chill out Dad--'cause like, you can always fall back on flesh-eating bacteria..."

[Homer sings]
I - can’t - get - no—six-pack abs, son
I - can’t - get - no—six-pack ‘slab’, son
Though I try,
And I try—
Crunchin’ pie,
Hoistin’ rye—
I can’t GET no—
My pants LET go!

[Bart sings]
When yer driving to the gym
And you see that Springfield Doughnuts sign
It triggers in yer brain--
A frickin’ quest for mas-ti-cation
And instant grati-fructo-sa-tion
[Homer]
I chant “GET mo'--
Mo’ doughnuts, Yo!”
[Both]
Hey, HEY parfaits!
On MILky Ways!

~
[Homer]
I - can’t - get - no—six-pack abs, son
I - can’t - get - no—flab re-dac-tion
Though I try,
And I try...
Can’t deny,
Sugar’s high!
I can’t GET no—
I can’t STRETCH mo’—

[Marge]
When you're watchin’ the TV
And that chick comes on an' tells you
How Jenny Craig’s so great
Then she’s shamin’ you, “Satin’s in eclairs”
Preachin’ on ‘bout ‘evil weight’
[Homer]
I chant, “GET mo’—
Mo’ doughnuts, ho!”
[All]
Hey, HEY souflees!
On FRIto Lays!

~
[Homer]
I - can’t - get - no—six-pack abs, son
I - can’t - let - go—bag-uette's ac-tion
And the pies,
And the frys
Super-size
Butt n’ thighs!
I can’t GET no—
I pant-SWEAT so!

[Lisa]
When you're Rascalin’™ ‘round the mall
And you're tryin’ on stretch moo-moo tops
And they all look like they're Crusty's tents
Still you always end up at the Cinnabon™
Tying up like the Val-damn'dez Exxon!
[Homer]
I chant, “GET mo’—
“Mo’ doughnuts, D’Oh!”
~
[Moe]
His FANnie Mae
Banks CRÈME brûlée!

~
[Homer]
I can’t GET no—
I chant, "GET mo'!"—

I - can’t - get - no—six-pack abs, son
Six-pack abs, son...
Thick-rack crabs, yum!
Quick snack-crack, son...
~
[Bart, spoken:]
"Alright--I've had enough... Put the bacteria in his Duff--NO! In the beer, Lisa--in the BEER!"

~

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
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 2   0
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 3   0
 1
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 4   0
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 5   4
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Mark Scotti - January 17, 2011 - Report this comment
555 "DOUGH"nuts and laughs!!!
John Barry - January 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Love the neologism.
TJC - January 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Gut bustin' loads of Homeric thanks out to Mark & John!
Old Man Ribber - January 18, 2011 - Report this comment
TJC - D'OH! Funnier than Krusty The Clown's Greatest Hits! Perhaps Czar Cass Sunstein is right after all...we Americans are REALLY a bunch of Homer Simpsons! (No need to "nudge" me to give 5-5-5) ;D
TJC - January 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks much OMR--I'm sure there's much truth in that hypothesis--and I appreciate the deftly delivered spelling hint!

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