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Song Parodies -> "He Ain't Heavy (He is helium)"

Original Song Title:

"He Ain't Heavy (He's My Brother)"

Original Performer:

The Hollies

Parody Song Title:

"He Ain't Heavy (He is helium)"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Typically, the element "He" should be pronounced "aitch-ee" with two syllables, but I've taken the occasional liberty in this one so that it writes properly - so, if it seems like it doesn't scan properly, use the other pronunciation :-)
The gas is light
The lightest 'cept hydrogen
It's used in balloons, it's light
Lighter than air
Two protons
Makes atomic number two
He ain't heavy, He is helium

Electrons: two
Which means a full 1s shell
No 'lectrons are gained or lost
It's stable in there

So it's inert
It do not react at all
He ain't heavy, He is helium

If it's molten at all
Temperature is severe-oh
'Cause liquid He
Comes near absolute zero
And ain't that pretty damn cool?

It's a noble gas
Like Neon and Argon, too
At 5ppm, it's there, there
In the air

A whole load
Wouldn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, He is helium

He is helium
He ain't heavy, He is helium

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

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 3   1
 4   0
 5   0

User Comments

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Kristof Robertson - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
I quite liked this, Paul, even though I'm a bit of a science thicky. I thought it scanned Ok (from memory anyway...) 545
Phil Alexander - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey, Krostif - it's "Phil", not "Paul" (he's another old fogey writing parodies here, though). I've done a dozen or so science ones, this is the third that's strictly elementary... but in time I'll cover the whole periodic table, I reckon.
Kristof Robertson - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Geez, Alvin, I'm really sorry!! :-) Good luck with the P/T..better you than me, Claude...
Paul Robinson - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Tizcroft - That's ok. There's a way to keep from confusing Phil and I (actually quite a number of them, I imagine). What little I do know about Science, especially Chemistry , I can barely make sense of myself, much less write about or explain in a parody. So if it's got lucid lines in it about Science, like explaining protons, neutrons, electrons and whathaveyou, it ain't me. Now if the subject has something to do with lunacy or mental illness, there's a good chance it MIGHT be me. If it's about the maladies that may afflict one due to advancing age it may well also be one of mine. I don't know off-hand if Phil has written much about either incest or poo, but I have a fair number in my repetoire in those areas. He's got a fair number with British references in them also. I know that England is over on the other side of the pond way to my East, that they speak a similar language, and that Tony Blair was really a fool to get suckered into thinking Dubyah had any sort of coherent idea what he was doing in Iraq, but that's about it.
Paul Robinson - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
OH...right...Phil's parody...Hmmm...gas, hydrogen, - very light, 2 protons, atomic #2, so somehow you get helium, uh...ok...electrons, shell - no (+ )or( -) means it's stable...means inert, which I guess couldn't hurt...helium?...ummm...lemme think here.........well, OK, pass and let me try the next one... hot stuff means liquid, well that flows...just a molterin' along, I is a cool hero here, Oh...Noble, but not classical gasses are Neon & Argon...who I previously thought were alien characters in a Star Trek episode...Ummm...Wait! Eureka, by Jove, I've got it now...HELIUM IS LIGHT!! Great job, have increased my Scientific knowledge immeasurably. Just don't ask me to explain any of it tomorrow...5's
Phil Alexander - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment

> I don't know off-hand if Phil has written much about either incest or poo,
Well, there's this one on the scatological front: but no incest (apart from the occasional mention in "Redneck Motel")... but as it happens, I've just had an idea (which will turn up tomorrow or possibly the day after)
Paul Robinson - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Phil, going over in a moment to take a gander at that one. You know, for the unscientific who are not phased by fact or logic there is a bit of a confluence here in our respective names (if you really stretch it bit) - Kristof ROBERTSON, Paul ROBINSON, PHIL- PAUL and my MIDDLE initial is "A" as in Alexander, although my actual middle name is "Alan". Which of course means absolutely nothing whatsoever beyond the fact that those are our names. I am afflicted with noticing these things rather automatically - as well as with the compulsion to share the thought with others....
Phil Alexander - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
For the odd coincidences, Paul - my middle initial is also "A"
Billy Florio - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Phil, this is so clever
Meriadoc - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
This was wonderful!

And Paul, Philbo is a Baggins, which makes him a hobbit, just like me and Pippin, and then you and I, Paul, have something in common too, which you've probably figured out by now, or no, maybe you haven't, and of course we all love Oreos so that connects us to Billy and....
Rick D - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
I've been toying with the idea of writing about Neon to EJ's "Levon". But I bet if I did, yours would appear on the same day.
Paul Robinson - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Mer - seem to have hit a point of maximum density in my brain here, definitely NOT helium, maybe solid rock...what DO you & I have in common that I PROBABLY should have figured out by now?? Hmmm...gotta love ya', you mess with our minds SO well...Well, who doesn't love Oreos? But Billy? I just don't know...
alvin rhodes - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
this is a gas....5s
John Jenkins - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
A very cool parody.
Johnny D - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice alpha particles, Philbo. 5's
Tim Hall - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job! You should record yourself singing this parody while breathing helium from balloons

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