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Song Parodies -> "What Cow, My Love!"

Original Song Title:

"What Now, My Love"

Original Performer:

Roy Orbison

Parody Song Title:

"What Cow, My Love!"

Parody Written by:

Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

FG used to have a gorgeous figure, but that's all behind her now. (POW! ... Oww! ... TT wipes cream pie off of face.) .... See today's other post, "A Cow, My Love?" for the female response.

OS, originally in French, covered more than *60* times (a record - so to speak?) in English, each with minor variations. We chose this beautifully-voiced Roy Orbison video to which to match.
What cow, my love!
Now, you're a heifer
To eat, you live;
Ton of blubber, weigh

Watching ice cream
Go to your a*s, hips;
Hundred pounds
Since our wedding day

Then: 103 [1]
Had buns of steel
Was such a plum
I could come:
One feel

You eat all night
A danish roll
Ice cream on tart, whole bowl

Broad prow, my love
Once, were my lover
You should have hurled
Clothes: size twenty-three

Choc'lates from Mars™
Crumbling around me:
Searching for pie
Have a piece, or three

But chow, my love;
Down the last one
Look at the Cool .... Whip™ you’re spoon - ing on
No crumb of fare
Money can buy
Escapes your lips ... or thigh

Bow-wow, my love
Too much of something
Downing that last .... cream pie
Bovine fat-a*s: Go fly!

[1] About 47 kg, or 7 stone 5.

Mars ® Mars, Incorporated. Cool Whip ® Kraft Foods. All else © 2010 Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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TJC - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Lexcellently n' disturbingly funny... but, let me get this straight--teven though she's 100% XX-female, you insist on calling her 'Hef'?
Naaaaah! She ain't heavy--she's your other!
AFW - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Very beefy, and funny...I had a cow, too...back in 08...check it out here,
Mark Scotti - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Very Moooooooving observations!! Grade 555A
Old Man Ribber - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
The scale reads 555! ;D
Timmy1000 - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Nice song for those after Christmas weight blues. Roy Orbison = best voice ever.
Christie Marie M - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Moooooooooooor-velous parody! Very shocking to hear that she's filled out with a voluptuous figure! Anyways, when my dog, Cookie was alive, she was so obese that when she had her hair cut, my bro called her a baby cow! After reading/singing your parody, I even feel as if I could never lose weight. LOL! Because I have the biggest sweet tooth in America! (I say that phrase a whole lot on AIR). Milking you 555's!
Andy Primus - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Must be a huge delivery charge for them Martian choc'lates

PS TT re earlier - was only surprised you'd never heard of the V, not the battle (that was just to let you know how long it's been in use). Didn't get your Vietnamese "noun". Even breaking it apart I could only find famous (name) & word/guard
Kristof Robertson - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Ow, that's HARSH! I'm quite partial to a bit o' puddin', TT...but this was gleefully sharp-tongued, unapologetically neanderthal, and rather funny. 555
Tommy Turtle - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Still hoping FG would come first (to reply!), but...

TJC: Hugh Heifer -- I mean, Hefner -- is very offended! LOL @ last line!

AFW: I swear we hadn't seen yours (else would have v/c'd)... .but this one's human :-) Great job there, and thanks for v/c.

Mark Scotti: Thanks for not voting loooooow!

Old Man Ribber: What's even worse is that that's in kilograms.;-( .. thanks! :-)

Timmy1000: Good point! ... yep, ol' Roy could belt 'em. Actually hadn't heard his version until went searching trhough YT for vides -- loved it. Thanks for v/c.

Christie Marie M: Happily, this is the "fictional" FG, like the fictional Dofiddle and Prof. Turtle in My Fair Lady :) Thanks for v/c!

Andy Primus: Since TT's parody ideas get beamed into his pea-brain by Martians, FG rides along on that to order chocolates ... thanks for v/c (Vietnamese comment?), and "peace".

Kristof Robertson: The neanderthal gets his comeuppance in the companion post today ... else would never have dared post this! Thanks for v/c.
Fiddlegirl - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
TJC: TT lives life on the edge... until I push him off of it one of these days ;) LOL @ parting shot!

AFW: Hehehehehe! :D Thanks for vote, comment, and parody linking!

Mark Scotti: To quote a famous American icon: "Hey, don't have a cow, man!" ;) Thanks for v/c.

OMR: Eeeek! (Ummm... that's actually *ounces*...) ;)

T1K: One of a kind, wasn't he? :D

CMM: Don't worry... TT will be too busy drooling over the 18-yr old strippers to notice. I *do* worry somewhat about his pacemaker being able to stand the strain... ;)

Andy P: LOL @ the Martian chocolates!

Kristof: That's TT all over, I must say... Thanks for v/c! (Now, whose turn is it to serve the tea and cakes?) ;)
TT @ FG @ KR - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
We are known by the company we keep, Dear....
2Eagle - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
I remember the original song, but didn't know it was French. I should have known - the French songs are so melodramatic.
Tommy Turtle - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
2Eagle: Agree. Like "Le Moribund", which became in English, "Seasons In The Sun" -- also about a dying guy (or one who wants to, like TOS guy here). Of course, TT made his parody of that much more upbeat. (Don't worry: no drugs, just s*x,) Thanks for v/c. :)
blackjack21 - January 16, 2010 - Report this comment
OK, so that's 555 double cheeseburgers to go. You want fries with that?
Tommy Turtle - January 17, 2010 - Report this comment
blackjack21: Extra-large with melted cheese, please. And don't forget the bacon on the burger. Thank you.

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