Missed the last train to Charmsville;
What you hear is eructation.
All my fingernails are dirty.
I break wind in elevation.
I'm a schmo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oe.

I don't clean up in the morning,
So the must from me will strain
All your olfactory senses--
It's abhorrent, that's quite plain.
Horrid aro-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
ma.

Missed the last train to Charmsville;
What you hear's wind embarkation
While we're stuck here at floor 30,
And there is no ventilation--
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no!!!

Missed the last train to Charmsville;
I'm yakking on a cell phone
While I'm visiting the cloisters
Of silent orders in Rome.
"Buon giorno-o, bambino-o."

Missed the last train to Charmsville,
Once I've lain one from fartsville,
Then my gut rains; it's barfsville.