~

I've mimicked all those things that made you über, Bro
But now your 'king of Playboyâ„¢ mojo's' waning, so...
I've staked out your mansion
And magazine
In custom smoking jackets—camo-tangerine
I'm feelin' deja 'you'
I wanna be the next 'Hef', Hugh!

It doesn't matter that I'm only 4 foot 2
Though small, my PhD's in 'stud' from Supine U.
Oh, bustier'd Bunnies—
have you been told?
My eye-line's near the staples in your centerfolds
So tan lines I'd review
Up close as Mini 'Moulin' Hugh!

Re-straining order—Moi?
Why won't you give me one more cha-a-ance?
Just 'cause into your bed I crept
For 'bro bonding'—absent pants?

Now listen Heffy—
Be my mentor and we'll 'sidekick' everywhere
While smoking pipes and previewing haute underwear,
We'll re-tool the empire
with stacked girlfriends—
So deep in cleavage, comin' up we'll get the bends
And Thong Night's when we choose
I've gotta be the next 'Hef', Hugh!

Oh, ohhhhhh!

Bun-nies, all over Moi
Around me they'll circle da-a-ance
And since I'm short, I'll—as with Spears—
Swoon in an 'upskirt' trance!

So listen Heffy—
I don't wanna be a mini-Howard 'Hughes'
Or smallish-Jackman, tiny-Downs or wee-Grant-, 'Hugh'
'Cause you've got that something
This midget craves—
A busty Swedish army that Brazilian shaves!
No other 'Hugh' will do—
I wanna be Icon-a-You!
No longer springy—your thingy's eighty-two*
So come on crown me 'Next Hef', Hugh!

~