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Song Parodies -> "Monster Mag"

Original Song Title:

"Monster Mash"

Original Performer:

Bobby Boris Pickett

Parody Song Title:

"Monster Mag"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I was lurking in a rag late one night;
I’m a guy who prizes eerie sights:
Like a monster who goes bad, post-opened-eyes;
A sucking leech who bites, slurps, dries.

Hey, it’s a mag, hey, it’s a monster mag,
A monster mag that’s full of graveyard gags.
Hey, it’s a mag. . .
Wolfmen, vampires, and hags.
Hey, it’s a mag,
Hey, it’s a monster mag.

In the laboratory was a capo feat—
Sewn a ghastly head. . .dude has got mammoth feet,
And ghoulish dames stirred a cauldron of toads
That belched out smoke, and fire then explodes.

They’re vicious hags, they’re vicious monstrous hags
In monster mag that’s full of graveyard gags.
Inside this mag:
Bodies ripped from their bags,
Inside this mag,
Inside this monster mag.

The zombies were having lunch
(Chew, chew, chew)
They parted some guts for brunch
(Chew, chew, chew)
Intestines they then wolfed down
Cackling while they munched

The scene was noshin’; all were diggin’ the chow—
Igor on brains snacked like a baby cow.
These raucous snackers were all one time alive. . .
Now a mournful troupe with crypt-lingo jive.

They dig some hash, they dig some awful hash,
Some crawful hash that’s a graveyard repast.
They dig the hash
That spilled out from a gash.
They dig this hash,
They dig this offal hash.

Sound in his coffin Drac was sleeping
During day; at night he was creeping.
He opened his lips and hooked a kiss
And quipped: “Blood lecher’s happy with this transfusion-giving miss!”

He ripped a gash; he ripped a model, gashed,
A model’s gashed, and her carotid’s thrashed.
He sips the gash;
Her sang on him does splash
Out of the gash,
Out of the model’s gash.

Now everything’s drool, Drac’s salivary glands
In this monster mag drip and pink-tinge his fangs.
He chews the living; this mag makes me rue
That I can’t go and score me some gore when I chew.

I’m into mags—TOO into monster mags!
These monster mags make me a baleful drag.
“Hey!” mother nags
“Don’t ogle monster mags!”
She’s on the rag. . .
Becomes a monster hag!

[fade on ineffable sounds]

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Timmy1000 - October 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Very cool write - kind of reminds ne of childhood days.
blackjack21 - October 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Still dining at the Graveyard Buffet, eh? I remember those mags, very graphic. Like your parody, good write.
Stephen Harrington - October 15, 2009 - Report this comment
555, makes me think about some of the stuff on chan sites.(Some, which will remain nameless)
Andria - October 15, 2009 - Report this comment
I love the OS, and I love this parody too! Reminds me of the R.L. Stine "Goosebumps" books I read as a kid, and of some of the comic books I picked up at garage sales over the years and still read from time to time.
Fiddlegirl - October 15, 2009 - Report this comment
He's creepy and he's kooky... ;)
Guy - October 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir John - These guys sure know how to trash a meal. Can't ever take 'em out to dinner. You really trashed the mash - Your lyrics spun very vivid imagery as I read - I can see you are ready for Halloween. The oldies radio stations play this OS non stop during October. I must have heard this a dozen times in the past two weeks just driving in my car. Excellent wordsmithing as usual = well done.
Leo Keough - October 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Oh, the horror of it all...555!!!
John Barry - October 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Timmy: that's the atmosphere I was trying to evoke.

Blackjack: Thanks.

Stephen: Thanks--and I need to check out chan sites. New term to me.

Andria: I read the Stine books to my son years ago. Thanks for the comment.

FG: You're not referring to me, I hope!

Guy: Many thanks. I'm doing all Halloween this month.

Leo: I'm honored by your horror comment.
LeaveLessDiva - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Pirate Jack, oh Dear Captain Drac . . . this is truly Hallo-weened, with a touch of CABO-WABO in between too, Sir !
Christie Marie M - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Enjoyed your Halloween parodies, John! Monster Mag, I love this one! Take a bite on some 5's!
LadyLurk - October 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Pirate Jack, . . ." lurking in a Mag, late one night . . . " PlayBoy perchance, SirSweaty ? ? ?

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