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Song Parodies -> "Clean Tuxedo"

Original Song Title:

"Despacito (Remix)"

Original Performer:

Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber

Parody Song Title:

"Clean Tuxedo"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "How We Do It" self-challenge. Formal clothes come with many challenges...
Want me over for your reception?
I'm thankful for that, I love a weddin', yeah
Not so much for the mush, more the food spreadin', yeah-eah-eah
Oh-oh-ooh-oh-ooh, chew hard
I think I'll be free on that day
But one question I can't delay:
Won't you tell me what's the dress code that you chose, please, chose, please?
I wanna hear you say that we can all put on
Anythin' we please, whatever clothes we want
Because my greatest weddin' fear is when somebody runs too near
Buddy, food will flow (oh-oh) in a way most wrong

Dude, why do suits cost sixty-seven hundred bucks?
Old school uniform dyed would look like a tux
Yet that wouldn't force me to pay through my nose hole
Oh-oh yeah
Ya, fancy-pants designers make us feel like schmucks
Upturnin' our wallets for those penguin duds
But we'll cop such flack if a single crumb dares fall

Clean tuxedo
Harder than it sounds to keep a clean tuxedo
I'm a slob, not used to keepin' my clothes neat, no
It's so hard to not down all the sauced-up meats, so (blah, blah)
Clean tuxedo
Bet on who's the last to have a clean tuxedo
But ten seconds in, you know that you will see flow
Expensive champagne, reflexes aren't so fleet, no (new stain, new stain, new stain)
New stain (uh), new stain (oh-oh)

Whether gravy turned it brown or mustard turned it yellow (hey-oh, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
I feel like a total dumbass (hey-oh, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
Can't pretend to be real mellow (hey-oh), can't be mellow, can't be mellow, buddy
No point tryna scrub it off, the stain'll still be there, though (hey-oh, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
So I just don't think it's fair, no (hey-oh, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
To make us buy (spend money) suits and wear those (hey-oh, brrrrrrrrrrrr) (this is shite)

Gotta be careful when food handlin' when you're so busy natterin'
Your chin may be a-wagglin' but I will end up cacklin'
If you drop your tiny sausage nibble like a twat, twat
While complainin' 'bout your suit's cost, look like such a prat, prat
Tell me: what's the point of rentin' a fancy tux when all day
Careful, careful, careful is all you are? No more random ball games
Cause this ain't The Room, we can't be animate, stand up straight
Any minor scuffle would get dirt on, lame

Can't we go, can't we go without these tuxedos?
Don't mean naked, hell no, that's real gross, that's real gross
And how will that solve a thing? Sure, means we'll move fast
But hot sauce on bare flesh, pretty sure that feels bad
Let me go, let me go without a tuxedo
Ev'ryone goes casual (oh-oh), don't need no, don't need no
People spendin' near a (oh-ooh-oh) thousand dollars on that
Fancy dress to only wear it once, it's just sad, oh yeah

Clean tuxedo (yuh, yuh, brrrrr, blah)
It's impossible to have a clean tuxedo (yuh)
Last any number of minutes more than three, so (yup)
Let's forgo tradition, that ain't you or me, no (blah, blah)
Clean tuxedo (blah)
All those claims that you've heard about clean tuxedos (yeah-eah)
Are a fabrication or come from neat freaks, so
Can we not do fancy? This ain't just for me, no (rude claim, rude claim, rude claim)
Rude claim (uh), rude claim (oh-oh)

We may all look dapper, sure, but simply pause and think, though (hey-oh, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
For all of their varied colours (hey-oh, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
They all look the same, it's shit, no (hey-oh)? Kinda shit, though, kinda shit, though, buddy
Women's fancy clothes stand out, but that's all that they get, though (hey-oh, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
Cost more, stupid size limits, blows (hey-oh, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
Sucks as much when they get messed, so (hey-oh)

Clean tuxedo
I've been gettin' off the topic, can't blame me, no
Cause there's way more problems than just stayin' neat, though
When it comes to dressin' up super fancy, so they should go (uh)

I will go, I will go to your weddin', it's so (hey-ee-yeah-ee-yeah)
Douchey to say no just cause of those, cause of those (hey-oh, oh no)
Pointlessly expensive ass duds (hey-oh, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
No-one cares 'bout them that you know (hey-oh), no-one you know, no-one you know, buddy
Admit those, admit those make me look less shit, though
No fashion buff, you know (whoo), can't lie, no, can't lie, no (hey-oh)
Then I fumble with my sip, so (hey-oh) (bollocks)
Back to square one, it's a myth, those (huge lie)
Clean tuxedos

I'm sure there's a very good reason why when Spanish gets sung it eliminates a whole bunch of vowels from the way it's written, probably a similar thing to English dropping the "g" from the "-ing" suffix, but it sure does make 'em difficult to pace for a parody.

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

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