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Song Parodies -> "Cutlass"

Original Song Title:

"Judas"

Original Performer:

Lady Gaga

Parody Song Title:

"Cutlass"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The Vought F7U Cutlass series originated in 1948 through an attempt to adapt a German WW2 design by Arado- the E.583/2 which was a twin-engined tailless design with twin vertical fins and tricycle gear. Although this design was rejected by the LW in March 1945, the design was passed on over to Vought which decided to improve the control surfaces and upgrade the engines while maintaining the firepower and missiles of the German design. The resulting XF7U-1 flew in 1948 and immediately had problems with pitch, roll, and had underpowered J34 engines. 14 prototypes later and the new F7U-2 design was cancelled as a result of failure to improve even with the new J46 engines coming. So Vought refused to give up and instead went with a radical redesign- the F7U-3 which flew in 1951. This had a new nose, deeper fuselage, revised fins, extra fuel capacity, and armed with 4x 20mm cannon and new Sparrow AAMs. It was also the first USN carrier a/c with afterburners. Up to 300 of the F7U-3/3Ms were built by 1955. But naval pilots hated assigned duty to the a/c b/c it still was difficult to control and many pilots crashed and died. It took a brave pilot to fly the unforgiving Cutlass that went from being nicknamed the "Gutless" to "Praying Mantis" and "Widow Maker!"
Oh, oh, oh-no
Hard to fly the Cutlass

Oh, oh, oh-no
Hard to fly the Cutlass

Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Lacked POWER!!!

Killer Vought F7U-3
Deck trials were hazardous as could be
Rad design tail-sitter was insane
For time, was tailless twin-fin oddity

A lot went down, lot went down, down
Many defects found, often crash-bound

[Chorus]
The appearance was so cool, but flying it was cruel
Must be brave to fly the Cutlass, or crazy
The appearance was so cool, but flying it was cruel
Must be brave to fly the Cutlass, or crazy

Oh, oh, oh-no
Hard to fly the Cutlass

Oh, oh, oh-no
Hard to fly the Cutlass

Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Lacked POWER!!!

Vought got the design from the Nazis
Arado E.5-8-3 paved the way
But even the Luftwaffe rejected it
Control surfaces were tricky for the day

A lot went down, lot went down, down
Many defects found, often crash-bound

The appearance was so cool, but flying it was cruel
Must be brave to fly the Cutlass, or crazy
The appearance was so cool, but flying it was cruel
Must be brave to fly the Cutlass, or crazy

Oh, oh, oh-no
Hard to fly the Cutlass

Oh, oh, oh-no
Hard to fly the Cutlass

Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Lacked POWER!!!

[Bridge]
In the most practical sense,
It was a wasted expense
Tail-hooker, subsonic wreck, flew so unkind
But in development defense
Carried Sparrows for offense
Cutlass improved more or less,
Until the end of the line

They wanted to fly you,
Four of the best test pilots died trying to
New engines and Sparrows,
Cutlass was a demon to fly though
Response too slow…

The appearance was so cool, but flying it was cruel
Must be brave to fly the Cutlass, or crazy
The appearance was so cool, but flying it was cruel
Must be brave to fly the Cutlass, or crazy

Oh, oh, oh-no
Hard to fly the Cutlass

Oh, oh, oh-no
Hard to fly the Cutlass

Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Gutless
Cutlass!
Lacked POWER!!!

“Praying Mantis”- WIDOW MAKER!!!




Note: Although this a/c had tricycle landing gear, it was STILL a tail-sitter postwar!!!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

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Mr. Aerospace - June 19, 2013 - Report this comment
Too obscure for Aviation Week & Space Technology, so this crap gets self-published here as a so-called parody.
Patrick - June 19, 2013 - Report this comment
Was this the reason we gave the Germans the F-104G?
Rob Arndt - June 19, 2013 - Report this comment
The Cutlass obscure??? Mr. A you seem to know little about AW&ST (which btw is about as accurate as Soldier of Fortune when it comes to Black Project SAPs) or aviation history in general. Not only have I twisted the OS to suit my topic but am making fun of the Cutlass while simulataneously giving a history lesson. But of course you'd rather rate this site's toilet humor or degenerate masked linguistic artistry with 5s. Hey, a Playboy writer doing dirty limmericks does the same thing as some of the older vets. And their endless retreads of Sinatra, Beatles, and today... Nat King Cole again... doesn't seem to bother you. But my topics and my blocks of certain songs seem to. I have to laugh at your sense of authority while not even having the guts to print your own name. You are nothing but a weak 1-bomber and I already have secured many personal goals here in record time. I am entrenched and nothing you or the others do can affect my parodies or domination of submission categories. Fragment this week... third in a row w/o even trying!!! Parodies? 2030 and counting. Uniqueness? ONLY Top 10 parodist who is ALSO Top 10 Contributor. I have no rivals there and it didn't take me 5-13 years to do it- just 2. Please learn something about aviation before citing refs that you know nothing about in scope nor the technological knowledge they claim to specialize in. My dad and his associates I grew up with worked in Intel and I have seen far more rare aviation than you ever will, so I have the knowledge and the experience to put your absurd views and that rag to shame. Btw, Jane's and Brassey's are flawed too... but you wouldn't be able to tell me what I'm talking about. Have a nice day disgruntled Vet :)
Rob Arndt - June 19, 2013 - Report this comment
Patrick, two different birds altogether. The Cutlass was a naval carrier a/c while the F-104 was a land-based interceptor. Both pioneered US AAMs, but the F-104 flew later and was a much higher performer. The W Germans got it b/c there was a military aviation ban for them from 1945-55. They had to buy off-shelf from Europe or the US when the LW was reformed. The most interesting F-104 is the German ZELL version (ZEro Launch Length) off a ramp!!!
Patrick - June 19, 2013 - Report this comment
When I was much younger, my brother and I used to read the newspaper (Kansas City Star) daily. There were two running totals we always watched for: the number of Soviet Sputniks launched, and the number of West German F-104's crashed. Both numbered into the hundreds. I can't imagine anyone singing any of your "Spells", but they have been a very informative source on aircraft, weaponry and military history. Someone, also using a pseudonym, but I think I know who, has challenged these newbies to put us some brilliant lines of their own. Let's see what they can do.
Patrick - June 19, 2013 - Report this comment
Years ago at an air show I saw a Canadian marked C-47 with the nose of an F-104 grafted onto the fuselage. Apparently it was some sort of trainer for CF-104 pilots. Ever hear of such a thing?
Rob Arndt - June 19, 2013 - Report this comment
The F-104 was a remarkable aircraft for its time- like a manned missile, and it held the fighter top speed (1400 mph) and altitude (91,250 ft) records for the time. The Germans called the F-104 something akin to the "Lawn Dart" due to accidents but in truth the US had just as many and actually the F-104 was safer than other contemporary a/c that ALL had high accident rates. As for hundreds, the LW lost 69 in the first 4 years, so not that bad. And the German version was more advanced with a NASARR TFR that allowed it to hug the ground at high speed before the latter Panavia Tornado could do it at 920 mph!!!
Rob Arndt - June 19, 2013 - Report this comment
Patrick, the C-47 "Pinocchio" was used to test the NASARR TFR for German F-104s:
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mad4iaeaC41qzp3pqo1_500.jpg

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