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Song Parodies -> "(World's Worst) Gigolo"

Original Song Title:

"Vertigo"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

U2

Parody Song Title:

"(World's Worst) Gigolo"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Continuing with my current theme of perversion and such (I need to get out more), may I present this foetid beast of a parody. Please do not show this to small children, the very old, or law enforcement operatives...
On no! Gross! Yes! An orgy!

Pantscome downI'm drunk
My breath smells like a decomposing skunk
I'm wearing lederhosen and Old Spice; your eyes are shut
Because you can'tbelieveyou paid for this performance

Hello, hello (Howdy!)
I'd be the world's worst gigolo (I take cheques!)
Ralph Kramden taught me everything I know
And now youget to see my
Trouser eeeel.eeeeel

Y-frontsare fullof holes
It must be coz they're seventeenyears old
I tinkled but I missedthe toilet bowl
I shouldn't get this trashedI'm onparole!
I can't stand up straight
I've got a hairy back
Personal hygiene
Is something I sure lack
Let's watch "I Love Lucy"
It might get you juicy
Whoooooah
Whoooooah


Yellow, yellow (jaundice)
Call me this town's Deuce Bigalow (got food stamps?)
I've got angina so let's take it slow
And when Itake my shirt off
Please don't squeeeealsqueeeeeeeal!

Touch me
You've scored!
I'm easy.yeah!

[SOLO]

All of thisall of this could be yours
I French kissunlike other cheap whores
Sexy missI'll get down on all fours
Just give me twenty bucksI'm yours for dessert!

Jell-o, jell-o (raspb'rry)
I'll be your no-frills gigolo (my cab's here)
I brought my own pantyhose
For hotdiscount lovin'
I'm a steal; you'll be thanking me
Aaaaaaagh
Babe, you'll be spanking me
Aaaaaaagh
Mucho threeeel..threeeeeel!!

Yeah yeah, oh yeah, oh baby
Yeah yeah yeah, call me daddy
Unggghhh



...
...
...
You got a spare cigarette?? No?? Dang.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   14
 14
 14
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Cat - June 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Y-fronts? Are those anything like G-strings? Brilliant, Kristof. It's so nice to see you returning to regular submissions. =)
The Charnstar - June 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Hilarious and Brilliant, 5z all round
AFW - June 30, 2006 - Report this comment
You're not the world's world gigolo..You're the world's best "gagolo".. (made up word, meaning best gag writer)..This is a hymen of hilarity..up with my fives.
alvin rhodes - June 30, 2006 - Report this comment
i read and enjoyed although i am very old and act like a small child
Lionel Mertens - June 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Whoa! 5's
Matthias - June 30, 2006 - Report this comment
"Just give me twenty bucks, I'm your's for dessert".... NICE!!!!!!!! Now what you do for 555 bucks?
Rick C - June 30, 2006 - Report this comment
He's baa-aaack! LMAO all the way through this one, Kristof! TMGLTBM ! =Too many great lines to be mortal 555
Stuart McArthur - July 01, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL - and you're right about "I Love Lucy" That show shouldn't be shown before 11.30pm - kids might be watching - 555
Kristof Robertson - July 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Cat: Y-fronts? I think you Americans call them Jockeys; they're briefs with a front opening shaped like an inverted Y...deeply nerdish. I'ts good to be back. Thanks

Charnstar: Thanks for taking the time to drop in!

AFW: gagolo...hymen of hilarity...you slay me, dude! Cheers

Al: If I could call you Officer Rhodes you'd have the full set! Thanks, as always

lionel: Are you OK, mate? Have you been rendered mute? ;-) Thanks

Matthias: For 555 bucks you get the angle grinder AND the dancing chicken! Cheers

Rick: You're too kind. I'm a bit rusty; still working up to full speed. Thanks

Stu: Hey compadre! Know what you mean...that and Leave It To Beaver and it's cold shower time. Gracias!!!
wannabemustangjockey - July 08, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - The dirtiest song I've read all month, for sure. Fits with Dollar-Fifty Ho, though. Jockeys, eh? Being the only "Jockey" around here, I suppose I should make a note that I'm not the same kind...
tomario - July 09, 2006 - Report this comment
"gotta spare cigarette" lol this is a doosy of a parody "jello jello" i'll never sign "hello" again 555
tomario - July 09, 2006 - Report this comment
"gotta spare cigarette" lol this is a doosy of a parody "jello jello" i'll never sign "hello" again 555
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - July 10, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - If this wins a medal I'll claime some credit... you've obviously gotten your hands on my memoirs in the making! :-)
Adagio - July 10, 2006 - Report this comment
A strange attraction here...good one. DKTOS...5's anyway
Cat - July 11, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Max Power - July 14, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM-European gigolo
tomario - July 18, 2006 - Report this comment
when i commented before i repeated myself loved it
Rick C - July 27, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See my comments above. NIce line, K1. :-)
Johnny D - July 28, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You can get vertigo from gazing up at the vertiginous heights of KR's parody-writing talent!
Red Ant - July 28, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The name drops were lost on me, but that doesn't detract from the fact this is hilarious! I can really hear Bono singing this, too. So, have you legally changed your middle name to "TMGLTM" yet, or is it too hard pronouncing words with no vowels? ;-) 555
Stuart McArthur - July 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) in my first comment I was just going on your lyrics, as I DKTOS - this time I downloaded the OS, and that enabled me to appreciate all the little Kristof gags you always tuck into all the little corners - brilliant stuff as usual KR
bobpiecheese - July 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I get the opposite to what Johnny D said...I feel small and insignificant standing next to his talent. Good thing his parody was the one of the four songs I knew in this contest not counting my own (the other's being Cat, Arwen and Red Ant - though I did have to recheck the OS cuz I don't have Beauty And The Beast). Well done!
Phil Alexander - July 30, 2006 - Report this comment
What can I say, Kristof? Other than "Don't give up the day job" :-)
Arwen - July 31, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM...LOTS of LOLs here, KR!! Excellent job!

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