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Song Parodies -> "All These Things That I've Smoked"

Original Song Title:

"All These Things That I've Done"

Original Performer:

The Killers

Parody Song Title:

"All These Things That I've Smoked"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

When your life's become a joke
Is there room for one more smoke?
One more smoke
If you can roll one
If you can roll one
Roll one

I want a fat one
I want it bad, son
You know you grow, oh you grow, you ho
I wanna suck smoke
Through my frontal lobe
I'll in-hale anything that comes near my vacuum nose

Another cee-gar
Or even re-bar
There's so much out there for fans of tar
My one affliction
Is my lungs both glow
Here's my admission: my addiction blow blow blow blows

Help me quit
Yeah, you know you gotta help me quit
Yeah, or else I'll smack you down like Ike Tur-ner-r-r
You know you gotta help me quit

And when your life's all lame 'n' stuff
Is there room for one more puff?
"No Smoking" signs bother me
With sec-ond-hand smoke, you smoke for free

Yeah, you know you gotta help me quit
Yeah, or else I'll rope you like a goat-her-der-r-r
You know you gotta help me quit
Yeah, they call me King of Smoke Town
Yeah, for all the things I've sucked down
Yeah, I oughtta write this stuff down...

I got cloves but I smoked a clover
I got bowls but I smoked a bowler
I got goals but I smoked a gopher
I got Stroh's but I smoked a stroller
I got hos but I smoked a hoser
I got foes but I smoked some Folgers
I got shows but I smoked my chauffeur
I got toes but I smoked October

Yeah, you know you got to help me quit
Yeah, before I talk and shake like Kate Hep-bur-r-rn
Or else I cough my larynx out
Yeah, or else my liver shuts down
Yeah, or else I start to freak out
Yeah, I'd like to roll and smoke the Hambur-glar-r-r
So tell him not to come 'round
Yeah, or else I'll smoke his ass down

Two - hours - per - pack
Since - I - cut - back
My roommates all stink, my cats have all choked
From all these things that I've smoked

All these things that I've smoked

If you can roll one
If you can, roll one

[Violent coughing]

(c) 2006+ Hot Spaff

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

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DKTOS? - July 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Don't Know The Original Song? It's temporarily available at
drewster the rooster - July 14, 2006 - Report this comment
i coughed up a lung laughing to this one
alvin rhodes - July 14, 2006 - Report this comment
delightfully bizarre
bobpiecheese - July 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Sweet! Now...where the hell is Robert Lund when you need him?
Red Ant - July 14, 2006 - Report this comment
The whole verse starting with "I got cloves.." was friggin' hilarious. The Hamburglar and "two hours per pack/since I cut back" were sweet too.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - July 15, 2006 - Report this comment
There should be a scientific evaluation, what's the better cure for your airwaves; chemotherapy of spaffotherapy? (Considering that I do know what spaff means that comment can be read as really sick, but I don't mean it that way here). :-) - July 15, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanx, drewster & alvin & Red & know1canhearyourtherapy. Brandon Flowers is my homie - he's from Nephi, Utah, by way of Vegas - so I've been wanting to do a Killers song for a while. I had a Groundhog Day-themed parody of "Somebody Told Me" that I was going to roll out in February '05, but I never finished it. Which is probably for the best.

creamcheesepie: I want Robert Lund to record ALL of my songs, of course. But he must, like, have a life or something.
Jack Wilson - September 16, 2006 - Report this comment
This is aweosme! 555! - September 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanx, Local Celeb. This one was fun to write.
Jack Wilson - October 15, 2006 - Report this comment
So you atcually know BRandon Flowers? AWESOME! Anyways, any chance we'll see a "When You Were Young"parody? How bout? "How You Were Hung"...oh wait whatfreaks isnt around anymore, DAM, Il l think of something - October 16, 2006 - Report this comment
Local Celeb: No, I've never actually met Brandon Flowers. But I can tell you that he doesn't look a thing like Jesus.
Jack Wilson - October 16, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL ah I see, LOL that was a good one, sure doesnt! Whatever became of that Somebody told Me parody? Im gonna parody that song on tHanksgiving about stealing someone's turkey - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
My "Somebody Told Me" parody didn't happen and probably won't. What about yours?
Jack Wilson - December 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Ah I see It's called "We'll Eat the Whole Thing" for some reason it wont let me post the link!
GrammaMerle - January 15, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm an oldie but goodie (agewise) but I love the newer music and All these things... is one of my favorites. Your version is great - really laughed and appreciated the way I could really sing it to the tune, etc. I'm sorry you're not gonna do Somebady told me one. I'll keep checking this site to see/hear you newest creations - keep parodying - life is so short to be so serious. - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Jackie: I'll check it out.

Merle: Grandmas are some of my favorite people! Thanx for your support.
Elbie - January 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Ha ha ha, awesome spaff! quality parody, can see myself singing this one at the next drinking session I'm at, with due credit to you of course! - February 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Elbie: Please make sure someone captures that on video.
maddywoo - April 15, 2007 - Report this comment
this song is awesome lol excellent! - August 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanx, maddywoo. And you really should cut back.

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