Hey, learner driver
Whatcha doin' in New York City?
I can see you in my rear-view
And I'm sure you're gonna hit me
Up the ass...
Times Square's a bogus place to crash
Ease off the gas...

Hey, learner driver
Car propulsion is a science
Your instuctor's getting twitchy
So you might not get your license
I'd advise...
That when changing gears, don't close your eyes:
It scares most guys...

Oh, keep both hands on the wheel
Oh, when turning left don't squeal
Oh, that lamp-post's made of steel
Oh, your poor automobile
Poor automobile...

[INSTRUCTOR]
Hey, learner driver
A suggestion I might make
Is when a traffic light turns red
Try putting your foot on the brake
Give folks a chance...
It's wrong to squash pedestri-ans;
We're not in France...

Hey, learner driver
What did that last road sign say?
It might have been something like "BRIDGE OUT!"
Or, "YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!"
I didn't see...
Coz I had my head between my knees
Don't kill me please!

Oh, don't overtake police
Oh, don't race low-flying geese
Oh, don't care that you're my neice
Oh, I'll have to say "let's cease"
Or Rest In Peace...

A hundred lessons seems a lot
They paid less for the first moon-shot
(Buzz Aldrin never U-turned on freeways)
Your left turn signal wasn't right
Coz you turned right, left me in fright
I'm taking much more Valium these days
I don't know what to say to you;
It's clear you haven't got a clue
Your future travel options I'll explain:
Cab, bus or train...

[PEDESTRIAN]
Hey, learner driver
It's a miracle you missed me
You were checking your make-up;
I was one foot from being history
I leapt back...
As you ploughed through Radio Shack
You'd be better on a NASCAR track
Or driving tanks across Iraq
(Hey, don't come back!)

Oh, I called the DMV
Oh, because you hit a tree
Oh, reversed into the sea
Oh, It wasn't meant to be
I'll call a taxi...