Hullo. I'm Marilyn Manson and welcome to Marilyn Manson's Personal Cheeses. I'll
be discussing some of the curd-based produce that helped me become the
Antichrist Superstar; at once the most inspired and feared artist in goth metal.

5. Maytag Bleu Cheese acheives an admirable balance between too strong and
too mild, and is lovely on both salads and crackers. It was invented by Fred Maytag
II, of dishwasher fame, in the 1940s. Reach out and touch Maytag Bleu Cheese!

4. Jarlsberg has a characteristic sweet, nutty taste, and it is not difficult even for me,
America's Most Wanted Man, to see why it is the USA's top-selling imported
cheese. Reach out and touch Jarlsberg!

3. Humboldt Fog Goat Cheese is a vibrant aged cheese covered in ash. It is rich
and creamy, at once sweet and tangy, and excellent with a dry white wine. Reach
out and touch Humboldt Fog Goat Cheese!

2. St. Andre is a creamy, buttery, soft ripened cheese from France. It's stronger-
flavoured than Brie, but delightful when spread at room temperature on crusty
French bread. Reach out and touch St. Andre!

1. Parmesan is so tasty it makes me want to slice open my chest with a razor blade,
pour the fine shavings in and snort them from the open wound. Reach out and
touch Parmesan!

Well, I hope you're now a bit better-informed about the dairy produce necessary to
become a controversial goth hero. You've been watching . . .

[dancers dressed as giant pieces of Cheddar, wearing bowler hats and twirling
umbrellas, pirhouette onto the stage]

[breaking into song] My own . . . personal . . . cheeses . . .

[Marilyn Manson dances through the cheeses, joining one in a stately gavotte]

[program cut off owing to offensive content]