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Song Parodies -> "Mathematics"

Original Song Title:

"Marshall Mathers"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Nib Oswald

The Lyrics

An ode to the subject I ditched last year, this refers to Douglas Adams' HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy book (I don't know which one, I've only read half of one) and how '42' is the answer to everything.
You know, I'm not fortunate.
Last year my marks were ruddy. This year I'm no-one's second.
Now everybody wants to come around cuz I'll show 'em something.
What the hell do you want to know? Ten million times one?
Get abacus gear.

You see, I love Mathematics. (Mathematics.)
I love irregular pi, I multiplied it by cos and found 3.
If you see me doing reflex lines in the locus boundary,
Know that I'm answerin' every question '42', the trick works soundly.

Oh... you might see some fractions, but I see pure action.
It's quite an infatuation. Dread cot-pi-or-log?
Well my head hots-up cuz I got all the right answers.
Prance and sing after another batch is enhancing.

Or finding out the tangent of a wack axis.
Striving to get fractals all back to a max plexus.
Love perpendiculars, graphing vermiculars.
2 is 10? Yikes, uh-oh, we must have frigged figures.
Dubbed parallels 12h. Trig is a dissed subject.
List off all decimal marks for this object.
Sketching curves, repeating them additions with switched numbers,
So these sums are all drumming your head. Where's your compass?

An amidst all this growth/decay essaying,
I just slip back with a pen and get labellin'.
Forming a mound of some subtly refined numerals,
Soon you'll wit-ness my plenty writ of polemised cube rules. (Infinite!)
Hang tight through this, the tricky part. Damn!
Ink sticks to jewelled cufflinks. It wets my arms and,
I can't subtract nothing, I digit carnage!
There's a catch, no harder questions. Feed my nifty hunger!
Oh I see isosceles aren't scalene trigons.
Where is the adding to sin and power of a prime sum?
What is this adding to a one, your answers lack in their fashioning.
You better go soon, hope there's an aspirin.

Nucleus sums rock, focal dots are quick.
Oy, surd loops I can lick.
And I solve straight, in a flash, all quadratics. Above it.
This you covet.

A million fives go nicely. Irrational pi times ninety,
Cannot enliven this test, blimey!
A hunch: integral quizzes just scare me slightly.
I went and found, beaming, that I'd paired them rightly. (Ah ha!)
I think I'm love here: trapezoids unfurled.
I avoid those pitied four-year-old stylish words.
Trust in my good gear I've got here, a ragged and frayed calculateer,
That's feared by the rest of the Maths year.
Jagged and broke (a violent day) if it's destroyed, Brattoni's head can calculate.
It is no hassle, I'll top these sucky questions in one hour.
Tasks all about the sums of quadratics make some cower.
But towers and stacks of amorphus shapes aren't sour.
Come now, these concave bells shine like a sunflower.

Look atchall drumming your fountain pens,
When I have deconstructed calculus, hours on end.
And I don't need quotes or cheat notes, so I gree-di-ly gloat,
When Jake Ralph gets placed highest test grade cuz he wrote:
(Long radius? Who cares about gradients?)
I don't get stuck for time, write 'four two' and I'm maiming questions.

Cuz I love Mathematics. (Mathematics.)
I love the segments of lines and the divine radius amount, see.
If you see me finding peaks of cones for an iron foundry,
Know that I'm answerin' every question '42', the trick works soundly.

Give me abhorred quandaries and I'll correct them properly.
I can answer loopy quizzes without coffee.
Now because I just was opp-ugning crops of these function nubs
That I jot: Five? One? Nup.
These numbers now are fun to shout when you're really tipsy.
Powers give sixty the fact-ors of sums, messy.
Oh, I just did a test with hexis,
So now I think I'm too quick for roots of estimating bases.

Light functions help bums do these expo-nen-tials.
We just want a scholar to query ruling potentials.
Sheets where the functions stink cause trick mathematics,
All you have to do is throw down 'four two' it's nifty. You have it!
Wish for delic-ious essays like these adverted, that I have worded?
... ...Grab it!

Looking about for operations to cast,
When these integrations don't differentiate in this maths.
So polynomials hold well like polygons construed.
We levy billions by eighths, and always get 42.
Now you are questioning, fussing over
How all of my answers are similar.
How come your 97 is improper?
What a bother, just listen. You ever want a freebie
In covering for your poor skill in arithmetic? Hear me:
How every answer I slap is allowed,
Can easily be found in Douglas Adam's novelling clown. (Eh?)
Well, if you're crap at maths, I suggest you try a new stance,
Try this cheap ass little trick that I've used to pass.
Cheating's all the rage, get this mastered and you'll see a trick for mathematics pass.
Now hear: let me give those rather sucky sums help.
Write here: Double x smells. Double x smells.
The answer to life and everything is 42. Well,
Just sit as mighty marks make your report card swell.

Cuz I love Mathematics. (Mathematics.)
I love triangular die and can derive near most hyperbole.
You agree my asymptotes touching a curve is pure folly.
And still I'm answerin' every question '42', Adams is holy.

Now I loathe Mathematics (Mathematics).
I just discovered that I have been denied the high marks I aimed for.
Apparently my ploy was cheating, I got one mark, a failure.
As for 'root one thousand seven hundred sixty four'... I nailed it!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   1
 5   8

User Comments

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Ethan Mawyer - April 13, 2004 - Report this comment
This is great... and i know there are a lot of regulars here who would appreciate the math more than i do but unfortunately most of them will probably skip over this because of the original song, which is a mistake.
Know 1 can hear you dream - April 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Amazing amount of work put into this one. And a smart move to tie it around the "42" base because without such an angle it would have been too academically (boring). Though you really shouldn´t call it a parody about "The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy". I let you get away with it because there are too few of em, but for a real one see...
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - April 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Ethan Mawyer and Know 1 can hear you dream, (great name, by the way) This did take waaaay too much effort, especially for one who should be using his holidays to STUDY FOR HALF-YEARLY EXAMS. I added in the 42 thing cuz my friends all adore it, I can't really claim to know what the hell I'm on about. (If I had a dollar every time I had to say that about myself...)
leah - May 17, 2004 - Report this comment
it seems ok i gess its cool i lison to jacobe all the time and send my name free is my favorite song
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks leah! (I don't quite understand exactly who 'jacobe' is and have never heard of 'send my name free' but what can ya do?)
Phil Alexander - July 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Hmm... the Ultimate Answer, to Life, the Universe and Everything? So, Luke, what do you get if you multiply six by nine?

It must have been a serious bugger to write, this one... found it hard to keep to the original in a few places, but that's more to do with familiarity and rhythm than the pacing being off (I know what it's like - it's the same with my own eminem offering). Has made me think, though... has anybody done "42" to "Waterloo" by Abba?
Phil Alexander - July 27, 2004 - Report this comment
> has anybody done "42" to "Waterloo" by Abba?
Answer yes, but not a Hitch-Hikers' Guide parody... any takers?
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - July 27, 2004 - Report this comment
NO! Thanks for the comment, Philanderer.
Johnny D - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) "Oy, surd loops I can lick" ..... "I can answer loopy quizzes without coffee" .... "So polynomials hold well like polygons construed / We levy billions by eighths, and always get 42" ..... Man.... whew.... all I can say, Luke, is that parodies like this one risk being classified as Controlled Substances..... Zaphod and I are impressed.
Meriadoc - August 01, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) A lot of hard work in this one. And I would be happy to give you fives for just mentioning the 'point of a cone' ...
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - August 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks JD, tell Zaphod I've dry-cleaned his towel. Let's see, adding GST... plus the interest of thirty six light years... and a tip... that's $42! Cheers Meriadoc, I'll think of plugging that 'cone' line into all of my following parodies now. ;)
Scathe - May 23, 2005 - Report this comment
(school) Well, Luke. I actually learned something from this parody. :-)
Charlie Decker - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
(School) The OS is one of my all time favorite rap songs. It must have been an absolute pain in the ass to parody, though. Lots of great lines here. Well done!
Agrimorfee - May 25, 2005 - Report this comment
(school) Beautiful, complex stuff as always
Jeff Reuben - May 25, 2005 - Report this comment
We heard this all the way down on 11 Mile back in the day!
Guy - May 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(School) I think you mathtered a tough one here.
iisryan - June 28, 2005 - Report this comment
This is great. I like the idea and you pull it off nicely.

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