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Song Parodies -> "No One Loves Me (The Evolution Song)"

Original Song Title:

"Jesus Loves Me "

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"No One Loves Me (The Evolution Song)"

Parody Written by:

E.S. Blofeld

The Lyrics

No one loves me, this I know,
For Charles Darwin tells me so,
We've evolved from those below,
But does that prove God's real- NO!

Yes, no one loves me,
Oh, no one loves me,
Yes, no one loves me,
Charles Darwin tells me so.

No one loves me, you can read
Darwin's very famous creed,
On the Species' Origins,
Now it looks like science wins.

[Repeat Chorus]

We've evolved to stay alive,
Only the strongest will survive,
We've branched off from all the apes,
But we're classified "primates."

[Repeat Chorus]

Oh, Darwin's made history,
Solving life's great mystery,
If this fight, you won't resolve,
You should go off and evolve.

Yes, no one loves me,
Oh, no one loves me,
Yes, no one loves me,
Charles Darwin tells me so.
Yes, no one loves me,
Charles Darwin tells me so!

I neither confirm nor deny evolution

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   2
 5   11

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Reminder - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Evolution although taught as fact is only a theory and a weak one at that. Where are all the transitional life forms? The missing link between the animal kingdom and man? Add cobbled together pieces of dinosaurs from around the world to make a complete skeleton (which is bad science) and the constant shifting of dates for the earth and universe.. and you've got IMO junk science. Same for global warming. No scientist can say 100℅ that we are not just going through another hot climatic cycle as before when there was no industry, cars, or billions of humans here. It actually takes more faith to believe in evolution than religion. And survival of the fittest? Tell that to everyone that has laid down their lives to protect others. Darwin is in hell.
Reviewer - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
To "Reminder": "Only a theory"? A scientific theory is a well-substantiated explanation of some aspect of the natural world, based on a body of facts that have been repeatedly confirmed through observation and experiment. Such fact-supported theories are not "guesses" but reliable accounts of the real world.
To Author: This parody suffers greatly from not having a point of view.
? - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
There's also a big difference between evolution and adaptation. Why hasn't man evolved further?
Moderately Evolved - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Brilliant, Mr. Question Mark. Man has evolved to where Man has evolved. If he had evolved any further, it would be the future.
Common sense - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Progession isn't evolution, just time lapse. We have not become higher beings with new powers or capabilities. Cro-Magnon man could work as a Walmart greeter!!!
Kevin - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
^ LMFAO!!!
Moderately Evolved - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
"Common sense" introduces a red herring. No expert claims evolutionary significance for the Cro-Magnon, aka European early modern human (EEMH). Their earliest known remains are a mere 45,000 years old. Fossils of the immediate ancestor of such modern humans are yet to be found; up to 4-million-year-old fossils of bipedal, tool-making pre-humans have been found in abundance.
Trump - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
^ Fake history!
Patrick - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Printing out the repeated choruses makes the parody easier to read. This is the advice I give to new authors here. Evolution is a subject I have tackled on a few occasions. It usually draws comments. I remember years ago a story about an ultra conservative church trying to conduct a book burning. They started a bonfire with some rock and roll records. The pastor wanted to burn a copy Charles Darwin's book. Seems it was a rather hard book to locate in his neck of the woods, so he wrapped an old dictionary in a paper sack and wrote "On the Origin of Species" on the cover and threw it into the flames. A couple years ago at a street fair in Leavenworth, Kansas, a church deacon handed me a copy of the now-infamous book. I think his denomination is now one of the biggest distributors of this title. Much as the John Birch Society is the leading publisher of "The Communist Manifesto".
Evolution = BS - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Evolution isn't even a theory; it's a myth.
Even Better! - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
^ way to go!!!
Moderately Evolved - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
^^ Time marches on for the creationist. Tock-tick.

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