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Song Parodies -> "A Road Kill Map And Beastiary"

Original Song Title:

"My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"A Road Kill Map And Beastiary"

Parody Written by:

Old Man Ribber

The Lyrics

Ok, I've heard the criticism. Sure, Old Man Ribber has done the Big Seven Challenge, parodied an entire musical score, and ranks in the top twenty-five of amiright submissions. BUT...can he write the truly gross and disgusting? Feast your eyes (and buzzards) on this ;D


When you see that gore on the asphalt,
Remember these words that I give:
What bloody pulp there that is your fault
Depends on the place that you live.

Road kill - smells ill.
What was it once? You may well inquire.
Road kill - you drill.
I'll give you a tip - check your tire!

If like me you live in Kentucky,
A 'possum is what you will hit.
Marsupials seldom are lucky,
And sometimes you'll crunch a rab-bit.

Road kill - foul swill,
Once was a creature but now it's gruel.
Road kill - sends chill,
So you must be careful, you fool!

Across Texas and in the Southwest,
It's squashed armadillos you'll find.
The road kill that Lone Star folks know best
On pikes that are two-yellow-lined.

Road kill - mixed grill,
In Florida it is 'gators/snakes.
Road kill - sick thrill
A vulture's Thanksgiving it makes.

In Oregon, road kill means beavers,
Industrious as they may be.
While once they were overachievers,
Each one's now a furry Fris-bee.

Road kill - stands still.
Poor old slow turtles do not do well.
Road kill - on hill.
You can't dodge if you have a shell.

On backroads in woodlands it's chipmunks
And groundhogs that get in your way.
Watch out for those stinky old dead skunks.
My word! It's a road kill buffet!

Road kill - bad pill,
Seldom is birdies and here is why:
Road kill - no bill,
It's 'cause you can't drive in the sky!

In suburbs, I can't say it blunter:
It's pets that you're needing to fear.
And since no one young is a hunter
You'll wreck your car hitting a deer.

Road kill - chance nil.
One commonality I surmise:
Road kill - gut mill,
Wherever you'll find it there's flies!



Some of the singles/plurals may not match, but this is intentional. Needless to say, road kill is not on my (shovel and) bucket list. ;D

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

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User Comments

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Patrick - January 31, 2013 - Report this comment
Kansas City roads are littered with squirrels, possums, raccoons. The first fox I ever saw in my life is stuffed and resting on a friend's shelf, after I bagged it with a 1985 Chevy Nova. Not far from there a large dog almost turned my car into road kill. Never found the body, so I think he survived, though the driver's side door was dented too badly to open. Have hit at least two, maybe three birds in flight. At least one rabbit. Couple smaller dogs. Deer are scary around here. Last summer I saw a squashed armadillo in rural Cass County, about 30 miles south of downtown Kansas City, Missouri. Must be that global warming. I was just telling another writer yesterday that AIR folks like "gross" topics. Now he wants me to help him write a song about bronchial congestion and mucus.
Rob Arndt - January 31, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks OMR for the asphalt menu-555! All you did was make me hungry for a "Hugged Cow" ;-)
John Barry - January 31, 2013 - Report this comment
Kudos for what's gotta be the first parody title containing "bestiary."
Glen S - January 31, 2013 - Report this comment
Yay. I happily took this trip around the US via roadkill. Great lines in here, and very funny. Truly a hit.
AFW - January 31, 2013 - Report this comment
That gore on the highway...it wasn't Al was it? At any rate, quite an in-depth study of the topic..good job of covering all bases..
Tommy Turtle - January 31, 2013 - Report this comment
Well, I'm still here, I think...

Now, *there's* a title switch! Very funny. 555.
DK you did an entire musical score; that's a rather small club of writers. xD ....

BTW, please don't confuse quantity with quality. You're a good writer, but not everyone else in the top 25 submitters is, nor are some of the others consistent in their standards.
Andy Primus - January 31, 2013 - Report this comment
Don’t forget to pick out the bits of gravel before you BBQ. I bet it’d still taste better than a McD ‘burger’.

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