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Song Parodies -> "Velcro Hound"

Original Song Title:

"Blue-tail fly"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Velcro Hound"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

This relates to a time long ago and over a thousand miles away, yet the nightmare still dogs me. I was on the sidewalk, and a tall wrought-iron fence separated me from that DOG. It was a Dobermann Pinscher. It wanted to devour me, and after hearing those animals described as having the traits of Velcro, well, then, I got a new one for THEM:
In southern hell I moved about,
Kept my head down, and did not shout,
One day walking along the street, (1)
A *Velcro Hound* I chanced to meet.

I'm on the menu, that dog don't care,
I'm on the menu, my leg is rare,
I'm on the menu, 'twas quite a scare,
I had to run away.

The hound got loose, he'd filed his teeth,
And after he came, my flesh his sheathe,
His owner was glad 'cause he was mad, (2)
And trained his hound to be big and bad.

I'm on the menu, that dog don't care,
I'm on the menu, my leg is rare,
I'm on the menu, 'twas quite a scare,
I had to run away.

I made it home, and just in time,
that dog thought I'd caused a crime,
My father laughed, and with his gun,
He chased me out so's to have HIS fun. (3)

I'm on the menu, that man don't care,
I'm on the menu, my game is fair,
I'm on the menu, he's quite a scare,
I have to run away.

I came outside, the dog was there,
He charged in bold, and his teeth caught air -
but the dog was slow compared to dad's lead
and the shotgun blast put me on my head.

I'm on the menu, the devil don't care,
I'm on the menu, my hide ain't there,
I'm on the menu, I'm cooking up rare
And now, I have to pay.

Between dad's feast and the hungry dog,
Nothing remains of me, save this log,
Cannibal and Animal had their fill,
and the world is rid of my ugly pill.
1) I was on the sidewalk, and hence NOT trespassing. The dog still wanted to come after me just the same. 2) Mad as in 'Dangerously crazy' - crazy enough to see an oportunity for 'sport' and loose his dog upon me. 3) Uncomfortably close to reality, as not only did my stepfather have a gun specially to deal with me if I provided him the chance, but he (being a sociopath) would enjoy seeing me being suffer. He GOT OFF on that stuff - and I feared for my life for years on account of his wanting me dead.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

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 5   1

User Comments

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Patrick - July 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Dennis happens to be my middle name. The story you tell reminds me of the time I was punished for refusing to go to the grocery store after being chased by a large dog. People always blamed me for being attacked, saying it was because I was afraid. Hell yes. I've seen enough stories of pit bull attacks and heard of "painful" rabies shots required after dog bites. I was once accosted by two dogs on a street in South Bend, Indiana. They stopped tearing up a trash can two blocks away to come after me. I had a switchblade knife in one hand and a book of French literature in the other. I charged at them, waving the knife and holding the book as a shield. They finally backed off. I came within one second of shooting a dog who had chased me onto a friend's porch. It retreated after I threw a chair at it. When my friend's mom came to the door she told me it was her dog. I could recite many tales of bad encounters with dogs. Your song is scary and believable.
Rob Arndt - July 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Dennis, seems we had the same idea today with our dog stories!!! Well done- 555!!!

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