There was a young fellow who drank lots of beer.
He needed cheer so he guzzled the beer.
There's naught to fear.

I know a young fellow who drank lots of booze.
Why did he choose to start adding the booze?
He drank all the liquor to beef up the beer -
So what's bad here?

I knew a young fellow who smoked lots of joints.
What was his point to get stoned on a joint?
He switched to the joints instead of the booze -
He drank the by the bottle to boost the beer -
Things now weren't clear.

I know a young fellow who took lots of speed.
What was the need to be popping the speed?
He took the speed to counter the joints -
He smoked the joints in lieu of the booze -
He drank the booze to back up the beer -
He's fast. Don't sneer!

I know a young fellow who took lots of 'ludes.
What's happ'ning dudes? He got strung out on 'luded.
He took the 'ludes to come down from the speed -
He took the speed to pep up from the joints -
He smoked the joints, tired of headaches from booze -
He drank the booze to give power to beer -
He had no peer.

I know a young fellow who snorted cocaine.
He fried his brain on that high-priced cocaine.
He snorted the coke to come back from the 'ludes -
He took the 'ludes to slow down from the speed.
He took the speed to wake up from the joints -
He smoked the joints. It was "safer" than booze -
He drank the booze to jack up the beer -
The end was near.

I know a young fellow who then took up crack.
Such was his track. The fool's now doing crack.
He did the crack. It was cheaper than coke -
He snorted the coke to counter the 'ludes -
He took the 'ludes to chill out from the speed.
He took the speed to to get up from the joints -
He smoked the joints. It's more mellow than booze -
He drank the booze to punch up the beer -
Grim Reaper's here.

I know a young fellow who shot heroin.
(Spoken)
The ground he's in!