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Song Parodies -> "Twelve Days in Jail"

Original Song Title:

"Twelve Days of Christmas"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"Twelve Days in Jail"

Parody Written by:

Andria

The Lyrics

This parody is about a fictionalized version of Yours Truly acquiring various styles of contraband, getting more deadly by the day, and being wrongfully condemned at the end. DKTOS (Don't Know The Original Song)? Click Here
On my first day in jail
My cellmate gave to me
A cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my second day in jail
My cellmate gave to me
Two Hershey bars,
And a cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my third day in jail
My cellmate gave to me
Three Playgirls,
Two Hershey bars,
And a cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my fourth day in jail,
My cellmate gave to me
Four packs of smokes,
Three Playgirls,
Two Hershey bars,
And a cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my fifth day in jail,
My cellmate gave to me
Five killin’ shanks*,
Four packs of smokes,
Three Playgirls,
Two Hershey bars,
And a cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my sixth day in jail,
My cellmate gave to me
Six-gun that’s loaded
Five killin’ shanks,
Four packs of smokes,
Three Playgirls,
Two Hershey bars,
And a cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my seventh day in jail,
My cellmate gave to me
Seven straight-edge razors,
Six-gun that’s loaded,
Five killin’ shanks,
Four packs of smokes,
Three Playgirls,
Two Hershey bars,
And a cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my eighth day in jail,
My cellmate gave to me
Eight-ball in gym sock*,
Seven straight-edge razors,
Six-gun that’s loaded,
Five killin’ shanks,
Four packs of smokes,
Three Playgirls,
Two Hershey bars,
And a cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my ninth day in jail,
My cellmate gave to me
Nine grams of ricin*,
Eight-ball in gym sock,
Seven straight-edge razors,
Six-gun that’s loaded,
Five killin’ shanks,
Four packs of smokes,
Three Playgirls,
Two Hershey bars,
And a cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my tenth day in jail,
my cellmate gave to me
Ten ropes for lynchin’,
Nine grams of ricin,
Eight-ball in gym sock,
Seven straight-edge razors,
Six-gun that’s loaded,
Five killin’ shanks,
Four packs of smokes,
Three Playgirls,
Two Hershey bars,
And a cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my eleventh day in jail,
My cellmate gave to me
Eleven pounds of C-4*,
Ten ropes for lynchin’,
Nine grams of ricin,
Eight-ball in gym sock,
Seven straight-edge razors,
Six-gun that’s loaded,
Five killin’ shanks,
Four packs of smokes,
Three Playgirls,
Two Hershey bars,
And a cupful of jailhouse hooch

On my twelfth day in jail,
The warden hauled me in
Said “Kilgore*, you demon”,
“Incitin’ lawless action”,
“Weapons on your person”,
“Sharp blades, you’re packin’”,
“Bludgeoned a stoolie*”,
“Slashed ‘er with a razor”,
“Shot ‘er, with a six-gun”
“Stabbed with a shank”,
My day in court,
The judge said,
“You’re gonna hang!”,
And I didn’t even do a thing!
Glossary to prison jargon and other things listed in parody: "Killin' shanks": Knives made by sharpening plexiglass, toothbrushes, combs or anything else close at hand. "Eight-ball in gym sock": The classic black-and-white billiard ball and the quintessential locker-room stinker, combined into a lethal weapon. "Ricin": An extremely toxic chemical derived from the same plant that castor oil comes from. "C-4": A high explosive, used extensively by the military and for mining and demolition. Also used with impunity by terrorists. "Kilgore": My last name. "Stoolie": Infomant, snitch, nark, stool pigeon. Someone who informs the jail guards of any illegal activities going on inside the facility.

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Deathlurker - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
I found the last verse absolutely hilarious... 455 from me!! great job!
Jailbird - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Let me guess, was your cellmate Paris Hilton? (she was in for twelve days or so).
Patrick - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
I knew what all the weapons were before reading the footnotes. Lots of crime in prison, what do you expect when you fill the place with criminals? A funny rendition of an oft-parodied song. I recall a true story of the family of murder victims who smuggled some C-4 to an inmate to kill the man convicted of murdering their parents. They were afraid the state would not carry out the death sentence and they would be denied justice.
Andria - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Deatlhlurker, I kind of expected that reaction from some folks, thanks Jailbird, I was never in jail in real life, but I had some pretty whacky comrades on the Sheriff's Road Crew picking up trash in high school after street-racing my mom's Trans Am, and thanks Patrick. I looks forward to reading more funny and witty comments.
AFW - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Jail always makes a nice subject...yours has a good angle...
norCALvotress - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Are you down there in the ~Tijuana Jail~ , Sir ? ?
Andria - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, AFW... I agree, and nice to see you back, hope you get around to feeling better, I am doing so very slowly, and thanks LCC. And once again, it's "Ma'am" or my name if that's alright with you. I always appreciate your cute comments and your votes.
DJ Blaze - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Hilarious! I haven't been here in a while, and haven't written anything this month!!! Sorry for the off-topic rant. 555, and I can't imagine spending any time in jail.
Christie Marie M - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
If I had a cellmate like that, I wouldn't mind waiting years to get out! LOL! No, not really! I would get traumatized and frightened for life! Doin' 555 years time, I see!
Andria - October 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, DJ Blaze, it's great to see you back, I'm looking forward to your next parody, the rant was OK by me, I don't mind off-topic comments too much unless they attack me, another parody author or the editors, or they constitute spam, and you probably don't want to know what it's like in jail. But in case you do and don't want to commit a crime to find out, then there's a TV show called "Jail", from the producers of "Cops". Check it out sometime, assuming the parental units will allow you to. And thanks to you, Christie. The Sheriff Road Crew was bad enough, between being outside in everything from pea-soup fog to freezing rain, being chained together at the ankles and waists, the stale baloney sandwiches, overripe oranges and lukewarm milk served as lunch and getting all kinds of remarks by people in passing cars, I was traumatized and still have dreams about it from time to time. Jail would clearly be even worse, but it makes an amusing enough subject for parodies, original songs, books, TV programs and movies that there are many examples of each form of media I listed.
blackjack21 - October 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Wow, your cellmate had some connections. Here's a 555 gram blackjack to thump somebody over the head.
Andria - October 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, BJ21. As for connections with the cellmate in this parody, I'm thinking maybe KGB, Hells Angels or drug cartel? Thanks for v/c.
Brian - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Obviously, your cellmate didn't like you very much. Let me guess, you were put in solitary for five years, five months and five days. (in other words, good parody).
Andria - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Brian. Very good and funny comment, btw. Thanks for V/C!
alvin - November 01, 2009 - Report this comment
banging you out fives on the jailhouse bars...this was hella-fun
Andria - November 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Alvin, lol. Glad you enjoyed it! :-)

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