Song Parodies -> Wishes Of a Teen (Inane)
| Original Song Title: | "If I Only Had A Brain/A Heart/The Nerve" |
| Original Performer: | The Wizard of Oz |
| Parody Song Title: | "Wishes Of a Teen (Inane)" |
| Parody Written by: | EmiLoca |
"Your wish is my command - three wishes, to be exact," said the Wizard, in the unmistakable manner of a genie. Ignoring this slight oddity, Emi nodded and scratched her head. Suddenly, a three-way light bulb appeared above her head. "Excuse me, Mr. Wizard, but I think I know what I want..."
In this wor-ld full of glamour
My face just don't enamor
Prospective Dicks (or Janes)
I'd be hot like Christina
Endorse Coke and Neutrogena...
If I didn't look so plain.
My complexion would be healthy
I'd be well-known and wealthy
(Though bored, shallow, and vain)
At the cam-era's flashes
I could flutter my eyelashes
If I didn't look so plain!
Oh, whee for surgery!
They'd sit me in the chair
They would nip my nose and snip my lips with care
Then pop my zits - I'd look like Cher!
I would smile at my reflection
My face, unflawed perfection
Once I got through the pain
And my own plastic surgeon
Would be eager like a virgin
If I didn't look so plain!
Now that I can drive le-gally
Why must I flag a trolley
To get from here to thar?
'Stead of tourin' Francisco
I could drive to the disco...
If I only had a car.
I am always in the backseat
Of Dad's suburban taxi
(A temporary scar)
For if I got a Bentley
I could ditch Daddy, dent-free
If I only had a car
Picture me - a Ferrari!
The windows rolled down low
Turning up my radio...
Along the street...
Front seat!
I would ice it like Xzibit
Shiny rims to trim it
To look like quite the star
After small bits of primping
My ride would be truly pimping
If I only had a car!
I've hit puberty, and frankly,
I'm still quite thin and lanky
(Flat-chested is the word)
If I enhanced my physique, then I might know Victor'ya's Secret...
If I only had the curves.
I've grown only like a tree (up)
But if I filled a D-cup
The boys would come in herds!
I'd be junk-full like J. Lo
Wearing lace lingerie-o...
"Yes, you're beautiful" they'll say-o
If the Wizard is a Wizard who will serve,
Then I'm sure to get LESS PLAIN!
...a CAR!
...some foam...for CURVES!
My face just don't enamor
Prospective Dicks (or Janes)
I'd be hot like Christina
Endorse Coke and Neutrogena...
If I didn't look so plain.
My complexion would be healthy
I'd be well-known and wealthy
(Though bored, shallow, and vain)
At the cam-era's flashes
I could flutter my eyelashes
If I didn't look so plain!
Oh, whee for surgery!
They'd sit me in the chair
They would nip my nose and snip my lips with care
Then pop my zits - I'd look like Cher!
I would smile at my reflection
My face, unflawed perfection
Once I got through the pain
And my own plastic surgeon
Would be eager like a virgin
If I didn't look so plain!
Now that I can drive le-gally
Why must I flag a trolley
To get from here to thar?
'Stead of tourin' Francisco
I could drive to the disco...
If I only had a car.
I am always in the backseat
Of Dad's suburban taxi
(A temporary scar)
For if I got a Bentley
I could ditch Daddy, dent-free
If I only had a car
Picture me - a Ferrari!
The windows rolled down low
Turning up my radio...
Along the street...
Front seat!
I would ice it like Xzibit
Shiny rims to trim it
To look like quite the star
After small bits of primping
My ride would be truly pimping
If I only had a car!
I've hit puberty, and frankly,
I'm still quite thin and lanky
(Flat-chested is the word)
If I enhanced my physique, then I might know Victor'ya's Secret...
If I only had the curves.
I've grown only like a tree (up)
But if I filled a D-cup
The boys would come in herds!
I'd be junk-full like J. Lo
Wearing lace lingerie-o...
"Yes, you're beautiful" they'll say-o
If the Wizard is a Wizard who will serve,
Then I'm sure to get LESS PLAIN!
...a CAR!
...some foam...for CURVES!
"They shall be granted to you," mumbled the Wizard, sticking three post-its to the side of his wall. "Although I'm not quite sure why you didn't ask to go home. Oh well...I'm sure the Munchkins will be pleased."
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User Comments Follow...
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Watch your driving, Emi!
Emi this was great! :-)
Very good parody - the "bored, shallow and vain" line was perceptively humorous.
FABulous, Emi...and you're anything but plain, honey! Think of your stunningly gorgeous aunt...(you know the one that looks just like me)...beauty runs in your family!! 5s!
Only naughty thoughts are coming to mind for potentially witty commentary, so I shall restrain myself and offer you a proper, gentlemanly, "Very well done, EmiLoca, well-written and brilliantly funny!" And a trio of 5's for your trophy case.
Ah, you've done a wonderful job imagining what life might be like if you weren't such a cutie.
Gosh, folks...
Rod - You mean, like, on "America's Top Speed Limit Violaters"? It's on at 6.
Meriadoc - :-) to you, too.
John Jenkins - And I'm perceptively flattered that you stopped by!
Arwen - Only you can turn what looks like a humble compliment into obnoxious self-praise. I love you, Auntie 'Wen!
Johnny D - Keep restraining.
Lee OJ - If you weren't Leo Jay's evil, sarcastic twin, I would definitely fawn over that. I'll just settle for an awkward, blushing moment and a mumbled "thanks...".
Rod - You mean, like, on "America's Top Speed Limit Violaters"? It's on at 6.
Meriadoc - :-) to you, too.
John Jenkins - And I'm perceptively flattered that you stopped by!
Arwen - Only you can turn what looks like a humble compliment into obnoxious self-praise. I love you, Auntie 'Wen!
Johnny D - Keep restraining.
Lee OJ - If you weren't Leo Jay's evil, sarcastic twin, I would definitely fawn over that. I'll just settle for an awkward, blushing moment and a mumbled "thanks...".
That was awesome and then some ! 5's all the way back to Kansas!
Sorry, my twin's away on holiday so I will have to also ingratiate this funny-harhar work. *scowls*
I liked "I can drive Lee-Golly!"
prospective dicks, eh?
More!!! :-D
TTP - Thanks, you're a peach!
Blake - Thanks for filling in for his Ralphingness. I don't know about you, but I think I have a "thing" for the evil-twin type.
Rick - Goll-lee, thank you! *produce is thrown*
??? - You know, I didn't notice that until now. I was really just looking for a rhyme for "brain", and...great. Thanks for pointing that out. Really.
TTP - Thanks, you're a peach!
Blake - Thanks for filling in for his Ralphingness. I don't know about you, but I think I have a "thing" for the evil-twin type.
Rick - Goll-lee, thank you! *produce is thrown*
??? - You know, I didn't notice that until now. I was really just looking for a rhyme for "brain", and...great. Thanks for pointing that out. Really.
More plaudits... I love what the wiz says at the end, too. Extremely good, Emmy-Lou Car
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